Speech by Dave Arny

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Dave Arny
Speech Date:
Good afternoon ladies &gentlemen.for the people who haven't met me or don't know me my name Dave Arny and I am Ronald's best man today.

When Ronald first asked me to be best man ,I thought it would be a great honour,but as time has gone by iv'e realized that being best man is like making love to Princess Anne.It's a great privledge and an honour but you wish some one else was doing it.

I'm sure u will agree that it was a lovely service this afternoon.very moving.so much so ,even the cake ‘s in tiers……

There's no doubt that my role as being best man is going better than expected.already,starting with last night,it was my DUTY to make sure that on his last night of FREEDOM he was put to bed safely …..and not on a overnight train to FRANCE
Well I can assure you that he was in bed nice and early and slept like a baby……He wet the bed twice and cried for his mummy once———–(NO CHANGE THERE THEN)
As far a this morning goes,I managed to get Ronald to the church on time,sober,face and hair tidy and eventually married was a complete success.

Every now and then we have the opportunity to talk about a man of the highest INTEGRITY and HONOUR—a man of ACHIEVMENT and ACTION.with PENETRATING INTERLECT and who is obviously destined for better things………….Not today thought sorry because this speech is about Ronald.

When doing the research for this speech ,Speaking to his parents, I expected there to be the usual stories about mishaps as a child.But to my shock there were none.When I spoke to his parents (Ronnie&Dorothy) about his younger years, they described him as being an angel & no trouble at all

ANYWAY TO THE MAN HIMSELF.
Ronald Simon Usher. Born 1966 at Oldham Royal 3 wks Premature birth 6lb 30Z
(NO CHANGE THERE THEN)

KEY EVENTS in his birth year.
66′ football of course
First Kodak instamatic camera was produced
Boeing 747 &concord made first flights
Churchill insurance amalgamated

Anyway movin on
SCHOOL: Believe it or not Ronald did go too school.But it was fair to say he wasn't the
Sharpest pencil in the box .I am reliable informed that whilst in the pizza hut the waitress as if
. he wanted his pizza cut into 4 or 8 pieces,he replied ….you better make it 4 I'll never manage 8.
(NO CHANGE THERE THEN)

Whilst investigating his school days.i came across a couple of reports.and I just manage to have a couple of extracts for you ABOUT 14years old.

TD,tech drg: Although very keen Ronald as distinct problem differentiating between inches and millimeters…………….(NO CHANGE THERE THEN)
ART Seems to have a problem with the 3 basic colours ie:RED/GREEN/BLUE.
Will try him with coloring by numbers.
CAREER'S Wants to be an Policeman or Electrician.
RE; Ronald's understanding of religion is very poor .He still believes that:
PHIL COLLINS wrote the book of GENISIS
He thought SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAYwas after SHROVE TUESDAY
And ALFRED HITCHCOCK was a jockstrap

Between the ages 8—15 Ronald also became involved in the family tradition,namely ballroom dancing at Billingtons’ in Oldham,where I am told he gained honors in Mod/Latin and oldtime sequencing.So any body for a spin ,RON'S your man.

Ronald left school to the SADNESS of his headmaster with such a strong INTELLEGENT ABILITY Ron had no alternative but to persue a career in one of the worlds most respected professions. He got a job at Parkcake Bakeries where I understood he trained for 10years and became a semi-skilled baker .

Well what about this man we see before us now,
Well.
Ronald could be described as CHARMING,INTELLEGENT,and ENTERTAINING..…
Perhaps one day he will be.

No ,honestly,he truly is SUCCESSFUL,WITTY,TALENTED person
A man of hidden talents
And as soon as I find one I will let you know.

I remember talking to Adele when we first introduced,she told me the first time she laid eyes on Ronald she thought he was hansome from afar ,but to day she said he looked far from hansome, we can all see for ourselves how georgous Adele looks today,which proves one thing I've always known about Ronald ,that he is a man of vision…….often blurred,sometimes bouble,but never the less a man of wisdom and lucky enough to have found his new love Adele.

At this point in my speech I would of liked to have talked to about the stag party .I wanted to tell you how drunk Ronald got,the forfeits he endured and clubs we went to,but the law of the stag does not allow me to do this ,also Ronalds solicitor advised extreme caution

At this point I feel it's my duty as bestman to offer a piece of advice to the groom,and Ron will pleased to know a successful marriage can be compared to a good game of soccer
1 Ensure you are committed every week
2 Make sure you score every Saturday
3 Make sure you change ends at half time
And most important of all
4make sure you last the full 90minutes

READ OUT SOME SELECTED CARDS………………..TELEGRAMS

My darling Adele. We could have been so good together,call me if he goes of the boil……Ronan
RONALD
I hope your not going to forget us now that you are married,from all the girls at the Hot&Spicy sauna and massage parlor.

Ronald / Brother-in-law , you are a very lucky man.you have married Adele today and she is BEAUTIFUL,INTELLEGENT,KIND and CARINGhe really derserves a good husband and she as definitely found one.
But you know its funny how history repeats itself .29 years ago Adele's mum and dad (Pete&Linda)were putting her to bed with a dummy and it ‘s happening allover again tonight.
( NO CHANGE THERE THEN)

No seriously Ronald & Adele ……..I feel very honoured to have accepted this duty,but I feel that the word BESTMAN……..for me…….,is probably the wrong description.I think that Ronald is the best man here today…..and he's also married the BEST WOMAN and im sure they make the BEST COUPLE.
THANKYOU

TOAST

Ladies and gentleman can you be upstanding please.Raise your glasses I give you the happy couple Ronald & Adele .namely Mr & Mrs Usher.

THE-END