Sex Questions for Couples: 40 Dirty Questions to Ask Each Other

Whether you want to dig deeper into a new partner’s sexual preferences or you’re looking to keep the fire burning in a long-term relationship, knowing the right sex questions to ask – and when to ask them – is not only key to getting exactly what you both want in the bedroom, but also deepening your bond overall.   

“Many couples assume that sex should come naturally, but like any other part of a relationship, sexual connection thrives on curiosity, exploration and ongoing communication,” suggests couples therapist Shan Merchant.

“Movies and TV shows often portray sex as spontaneous, effortless and always mutually fulfilling, which leads to unrealistic expectations – couples then tend to internalise common myths like we should always be ‘in the mood’ and that certain sexual acts are pleasurable to everyone.

“But talking about sex builds trust and intimacy,” she adds. “There’s something undeniably sexy about vulnerability – when you open up about your sexual likes and dislikes, it can help foster a deep sense of trust. This intimate understanding of your partner can deepen your bond, turn mere ‘quickies’ into intimate escapades and make your relationship rock solid.”

Discussing sex with your partner will also help to nip any niggling relationship issues in the bud – whether that’s worries about mismatched libidos, past traumas, unfulfilled desires, or anything else that might be bothering you. “Think about these chats as regular maintenance checks,” suggests Shan.

Finally, sex questions can also help if you’ve found yourselves stuck in a bit of a bedroom rut of late: “Discussing your sexual preferences can help reignite the spark,” says Shan. “Maybe you’ve been curious about introducing a new toy, trying out a different position or exploring role-play. Sharing these curiosities can keep the passion alive and kicking.”

So, what are good sex questions for couples? Below we’ve listed some of our favourite questions about sex for couples, from the flirty and playful to the downright dirty – and even some Would You Rather/Have You Ever sex questions for your next saucy date night.

Best Sex Questions for Couples

“Good sex questions help couples move beyond assumptions and uncover what truly brings pleasure, excitement and comfort” says Shan. Here are some of our favourite sex questions for couples:

• Playful Sex Questions
• Would You Rather Sex Questions for Couples
• Have You Ever Sex Questions for Couples
• Dirty Sex Questions for Couples

Playful Sex Questions

• “What’s your favourite way for me to touch you?” According to Shan, lighter questions such as this are particularly great if diving into sex talk feels overwhelming.
• “What’s something we haven’t tried that you’ve been curious about?”
• “When do you feel sexiest?”
• “How do you feel most connected to me outside of sex?” This helps identify non-sexual intimacy boosters, says Shan
• “What’s your favourite time of day to have sex?”
• “Would you like to go sex toy shopping together?”
• “When has sex between us been most enjoyable for you?”
• “Have you ever been caught having sex before? If so, tell me about it.”
• “Is there a scent that you find particularly erotic?”
• “Do you enjoy sending dirty texts?”

Would You Rather Sex Questions for Couples

• “Would you rather be in control or be dominated?”
• “Would you rather be blindfolded or handcuffed?”
• “Would you rather have sex on a plane or on a train?”
• “Would you rather give or receive?”
• “Would you rather have sex in the dark or sex with the lights on?”
• “Would you rather wear lingerie or be naked?”
• “Would you rather watch strangers have sex or have strangers watch you have sex?”
• “Would you rather always be on the bottom during sex, or always be on top?”
• “Would you rather give up oral sex or penetrative sex?”
• “Would you rather have car sex or outdoor sex?”

Have You Ever Sex Questions for Couples

• “Have you ever been turned on in public? If so, when?”
• “Have you ever had a sexy dream about me?”
• “Have you ever been skinny dipping?”
• “Have you ever fantasised about a threesome?”
• “Have you ever used food in the bedroom?”
• “Have you ever made a sexy video?”
• “Have you ever had phone or Facetime sex?”
• “Have you ever faked an orgasm?”
• “Have you ever played dirty truth or dare?”
• “Have you ever been to a strip club?”

Dirty Sex Questions for Couples

• “What turns you on the most – emotionally and physically?” These types of questions encourage partners to explore their desires without fear or judgement, says Shan.
• “How would you like to create more intimacy during sex – eye contact, massage, dirty talk?”
• “What do you do/think about when you masturbate?”
• “What type of erotica/porn do you enjoy?”
• “What’s your favourite part of my body?”
• “What would you like to watch me do to myself?”
• “What’s the dirtiest thing you’d like to hear me say during sex?”
• “Is there a role play scenario you’d like to try?”
•  “What’s the dirtiest thought you’ve had about a stranger?”
• “Do you remember your first orgasm?”

Fun Ways to Incorporate Sex Questions for Couples into Your Relationship

So, when is the best time to ask your partner sexual questions? "Timing is definitely key," says Shan. "The best time to bring up sex questions depends on the couple but always make sure it's when both of you are in a good emotional space. You could even schedule them in as part of a regular relationship check-in," she adds. Some of our favourite ways to approach sex questions for couples include:

• On a date night: “This includes during relaxed moments at home,” suggests Shan. “When couples feel connected emotionally, they’re more likely to be open and receptive to discussions about sex.”
• As verbal foreplay: Hearing your partner's answers and sharing such intimate and fun stories is not only a great way to heat things up but will strengthen your emotional connection, too.
• As part of a game: Whether you want to use the above lists as sex card game questions for couples or as sex questions for a couples quizlet, incorporating them into a playful game can be a great way to open up the topic of sex while keeping it light and low-pressure. 
• Over text: Warning: It’ll almost always result in a steamy sexting sesh… but what better way to see you through a dull afternoon in the office?

Finally, we checked in with Shan to ask if there are times when you should hold off asking your partner questions about sex? “Not immediately after sex,” states Shan. “These moments can feel vulnerable and discussing concerns in these windows may lead to pressure or defensiveness.

"But by reframing sex as an ongoing, exciting exploration rather than a difficult conversation, couples can create a space where both partners feel understood, desired and safe to express their evolving needs," she adds. 

Keen to know even more about your partner's preferences? We've got the 100 best questions to ask your boyfriend for a better relationship.