Speech by

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator:
Speech Date: Jun 1999
Ladies and Gentlemen. Good afternoon.

Bridesmaids
On behalf of the Bridesmaids Helen, Emma and Katie and lets not forget the Pageboys Jack and Jordan I would like to thank Dave for his kind words.

Thanks
I would like to add two personal thank-you's of my own….… Firstly. You may or may not be aware that today is my Birthday. It is very kind of Dave and Debbie to lay on this 32nd birthday party for me. However, I think they forgot one small detail, there are no candles on the cake. It is the first time I've had a three tier cake for my birthday. And those that brought presents, well that's just an added bonus. I trust the receipts are attached just in case I need to change them. Joking apart, I know that Dave and Debbie have put a tremendous amount of hard work in the organisation of the events of today. Secondly. Two weeks ago 22 friends and relatives of Dave's flew out to St. Helier Jersey to join him on his stag weekend. We had an action packed 3 days, starting on Friday with a coach trip of the Island stopping at half a dozen pubs. Dave however, could only remember the first two pubs. He fails to recall :- · How he lost his socks and laces · Rolling around in the sand doing Michael Thomas impressions scoring the winning goal for Arsenal thus winning the championship in 1989 · Standing in the fountain in the centre of St. Helier On the Saturday Dave, not feeling particularly bright was the captain of our football team "Meat the Wifeonians" against a Jersey Select XI. We had arranged with the opposition unbeknown to Dave for him to score the first goal direct from the kick off. He managed to muck that up and over ran the ball for a goal kick. We did however win the game 4-0 and our last goal scored in extra time was the goal of the game and the goal of the season for the "Meat the Wifeonians". It gives me great pleasure to ask the captain of Arsenal Football Club, Tony Adams MBE to present the trophy to Dave for his magnificent goal…Tony.. I'm sorry Dave but Tony could not be here with us today I understand he is in Windsor, so the honour falls on me. Other activities included watching the England game, Kariokie, night clubbing and an end of tour Lunch. All this would not have been possible had it not been for the help and assistance Dave and I received from Graham Stubbles. So my second thanks are to Graham and I'm sure all those that attended appreciated the hard work you put into ensuring we had a great time.

Queen Mother
But back to today. It is said that being asked to be best man is much like being asked to make love to the Queen Mother, it's a great honour but nobody really wants to do it.

Bestman
But, even so, I agreed to be Dave's best man and so far I managed to get him to the church on time, which is unusual for him. He also arrived relatively sober, which is a major achievement. And he was also looking very smart, which to be fair Dave always is. The number of times I have arranged to meet Dave at the station on his way home from work where he has been late, and unable to walk the length of the platform are too numerous to mention. On one occasion I waited on the platform at Southampton Central and saw the train come in but did not see Dave get off. I wondered to the other side just in case I missed him but he was no where to be found. A quick call on his mobile and surprise surprise I had woken him up. He was in no state to get the next train back down the line so I had to drive down to the next station and pick him up. On the very occasional times that Dave beats me at tennis I wish I had never made that phone call. I have heard that Exeter is very nice in February.

Dave
When Dave asked me to be Bestman he said "don't worry about it, look I've got you a book". Yea thanks Dave you obviously didn't read it you're self. I got as far as page 13 and I quote….… " Maintaining a clear head during the wedding celebrations is vital for the Bestman. You should remain sober. " (Throw book away). Dave had one stipulation that my speech be clean not rude or crude… FORNICATION ……….Sorry that should read for an occasion such as this it is traditional to say a few words about the groom.

So what do we know about Dave ? Well he was born in – · The same year Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. · The same year Concorde took to the skies. · And the same year test-tube fertilisation of human eggs. No Dave was not born in a laboratory, he was born in his Mothers bed in Paddock Wood on the 30th May 1969.

Meeting By coincidence I first met Dave on his birthday in 1995. This first meeting was in church. The church had been converted into a pub, The Cloisters. It was Dave's first day in Southampton he had been seconded to do some training for a couple of months. After about three weeks their was a muck up at the Hotel and Dave was unable to get a room for the week. I offered to put him up from the Monday to the Friday for one week only but some how Dave managed to stay for four months. You never really know someone until they live with you. · About 20 minutes to iron a shirt, you wont find any tram lines on this man. · Favourite pudding "Angel delight" and I'm sure you'll agree he married that today.

Early Years
Dave and I have known each other for just over four years. Therefore I didn't know him at school so I've had to rely on his own version of events regarding his education. Apparently Dave was an exceptionally gifted and very popular student and he tells me he excelled in everything he did, be it sports, academics or the arts. This seems to be slightly contradicted by the stories I've heard from his two brothers Al and Colin. They tell me Dave was a right little shhhhoff. But I'm a greater believer in the saying that a "picture tells a thousand words" so I leave it up to you with four pictures I have of the young Master Cxxxxx.

Picture # 1

The Milky Bar Kid is strong and tough.
Looks like butter won't melt in his mouth.
Dave, when did you stop using the Greacion 2000.
If you think this is funny wait till the next one. Underpants and trousers?

Picture # 2

Does this look like Clark Kent / Superman
Dave, if you want to know who provided the photo's it will cost you £5
and Al, if you want to remain anonymous it will cost you £10.
Debbie I trust you did not laughing at your husbands expense .

Picture # 3

Debbie it's more than my life's worth to divulge my sources.
Collars.

Picture # 4

A case for the fashion police.

Godfather
Dave is the Godfather to my youngest daughter Katie. And what a role model he has turned out to be. One Saturday Dave agreed to baby-sit for us and looked after Katie for a couple of hours. On our return Katie's only words were Arsenal Arsenal. Katie is now much to my disapproval an Arsenal fan. It could be worse however, she could support Derby, Ipswich, or Millwall. I would have preferred her to support the Super Premier Saints.

Football
Whilst we are on the subject of football I have two messages that I would like to read ……(Arsenal letter) and in reply and not to be out done…(Derby Letter) Letters and messages…….… Other messages.. Dave don't give up your day job, leave the singing to the experts,. Love Sandra and Sue at the Gloster Vaults St. Helier. P.S. best wishes from the Rhinestone Cowboy.

Dave
Dave's priorities go like this: family and friends first, job second and himself last (Arsenal somewhere in their as well). If you are fortunate enough to call him a friend then a more loyal confedarate you could not wish for. I am proud to call him my friend.

Dave, this is the happiest day of your life, and so it should be, for you have just married a most beautiful, humorous and successful lady .

Wisdom
Before I make the toast, I have a few words of wisdom I'd like to pass on. Dave the key to a long and happy marriage is to remember those two little words; Yes dear!

Dave, you are an excellent friend and it has truly been an honour being your Bestman. Debbie is a lovely person, smart, funny, warm, loving and caring. She deserves a good husband, and it looks to me as if she has found one in you.

On behalf of the Bride and Groom I would like to thank everyone here for sharing their day, particularly those of you who have travelled long distances. I started planning this speech six months ago, and you must feel like I have been delivering it equally as long, but now it gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief, to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to Dave and Debbie, Mr and Mrs Cxxxxx no less. We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage.

To Dave and Debbie