Speech by Adam Brooks

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Adam Brooks
Speech Date: 31/08/2012 11:04:04

Ladies, gentlemen, friends and freeloaders

Thank you all for making the effort to travel from the church, across Britain to get here; frankly it wouldn't be quite the same without you. For those who don't know me, I'm Adam and I drink Gordon's gin and tonic.

On behalf of the bridesmaids I'd like to thank you for those kind words Toby. I hope you enjoyed delivering the speech, you'll soon realise that it's the only time you'll get to speak for 5 minutes without being interrupted by the wife.

A wise man once told me that the best man's speech should last as long as it takes for the groom to make love…So thank you all very much for coming, have a great evening!!

Actually old chap you'll be lucky if you can raise anything more than a smile tonight after all the booze you'll consume, so I may as well carry on.

I would like to start by saying a big “thank you” to the bridesmaids for their effort today.… So please raise your glasses. Haven't they have done a marvellous job and all look fantastic.

Indeed they are only bettered by Ash herself, who I'm sure you'll agree looks absolutely stunning. And Tobs…well he's done the best he can with what god gave him.

I would also like to thank the ushers for remaining fairly sober, in control of their faculties and not getting kicked out of the venue, which is quite the opposite of what occurred the last time I saw them.

I'd also like to make a special mention of the man-mountain Simon Gwilliam, who in an enthusiastic attempt to create a perfect end to the stag night, rendered Toby incapable of sitting down for a week! You can draw your own conclusions on that one.

Today they have been what ushers should be all about so please raise your glasses again, to the ushers.

I've had nigh on 28 years to prepare this speech; in fact I've known Toby ever since his umbilical cord dropped off. Assuming it was his umbilical cord otherwise I suspect I wouldn't be standing here today.

I want to go through some of Toby's best features and give Toby the five most uncomfortable minutes of his life…..Ash's 5 minutes will of course be coming at the end of the evening, courtesy of the man himself.

Most of us here are aware of Toby's exceptional talent of retaining pointless information and regurgitating it at any given moment.

This fact driven lifestyle began at a fairly early age before his talent was fully recognised. He regularly went out in an effort to completely fact up his friends lives, and when questioned about the origin of this information he simply responded with “..well, my older brothers told me, so it must be true”.     

Many here among us have witnessed Toby facting things up but these days his delivery has evolved and is imparted with a gentle nod of almost reverential assurance.… though it's fair to say that the subject matter has become more obscure and frankly less interesting as the years have gone by.

He was also without a doubt, the first to bring a new swear word to the playground although not always sure what it meant.

It did mean there were a handful of toddlers running around, proud of their new found expletives but being chased by their less than proud parents.

Toby's self-preservation has been key over the years.  We knew him as our action man as he had the dubious task of test-driving any game or creation our elder brother Scott and I dreamt up.

This included the fearsome garden ramp and red pedal car, where before he was sitting comfortably, we catapulted him down the hill over steeper and steeper ramps, heading for the obvious game-ending outcome of face planting and immense pain.

He was also our goal keeper and I can't recall the number of occasions the poor lad received a ball to the face and just as the torrents of emotion erupted we'd congratulate him for a magical save.

That high praise always seemed to stop the blubbing, and strangely proud of his achievement he'd trudge back to the goal for more.

Toby is always up for a challenge, at school he played rugby, cricket, and football but unfortunately the biggest challenge he's always faced was to find a sport he was actually good at.

A cheap gag but worth it. 

The sport he did start showing some promise in was swimming, which took him up to his early teens but England's answer to the thorpedo was never unleashed simply because he was a late developer ….and in truth didn't physically mature until he grew some balls and asked Ash to marry him last year.

The challenge element has always been there for Toby. If you ever needed something from upstairs, the quickest way to get it, was to set Toby a challenge.

No matter how boring or functional the job as long as you finished the sentence with ‘…and I'll time you..’ it transcended the original request and the boy went at it like a box of frogs on speed.

All joking aside, I'd like to say what a privilege it is to be your best man. I'm very lucky as I couldn't wish for a better brother and a friend,

nor could I ask for a better wing man when we are up in the mountains walking climbing or scrambling. and as everyone knows you are a superbly balanced character and frankly always up for a laugh.

We welcome Ash into the family and look forward to the good times ahead. And I'm sure Scott will be looking in on you today, and is as thrilled as we are to see you marrying Ash, and especially glad to see you've achieved it before the rest of your hair falls out.

I am very proud of you both, you're a great couple and you've been a rock for each other ever since university, and rather refreshingly, you've done it your way and that deserves respect.

Before I do the final toast I'd like to leave you with a couple of thoughts; I've been told, that the best way for you to remember your Wedding Anniversary is to forget it once.

It is important to get on with your mother in law… My friend hasn't spoken to his for two years..… Not because he doesn't like her……….he just doesn't like to interrupt!

So it now gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to the new Mr and Mrs Brooks. We wish them well for the future.

To love, life, laughter and happily ever after.. Tobs and Ash.