Speech by Adam Cummings

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Adam Cummings
Speech Date: May2005
Good Afternoon ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who don't know me, my name is Adam and I am the best man here today.

I'd like to start off this speech with a quote from Homer Simpson – ‘Wedding – The process of removing weeds from a garden.’

Well, when I was asked by Dominic to be the best man I thought what on earth am I going to say so I got on the internet and found some great stuff but unfortunately you can't put pornography in a wedding speech.

Now you may be expecting this speech to be full of carry-on style innuendo, I'm sorry but it isn't, I came up with a great one last night and tried to slip it in but my girlfriend told me to take it out.

Having known Dominic for what seems like a lifetime I can but couch for his upstanding qualities, he's careful, cautious and steady, charming, soph, soph, sopis.… Turn to Dominic – Sorry Dom you're spelling's atrocious.

Dominic has always been, how shall I put this – erm careful with money and recently Dom shared with me the secrets of successful Do-It-Yourself, apparently it took him 38 separate trips to B & Q to get enough free samples to decorate their lounge.

Dominic, in his own words would like to be known as one of Sheffield's entrepreneurs, a man of vision, sometimes blurred, sometimes double. But it is no exaggeration to say that many female tears will be shed today from Tinsley to Totley as the one-time sandwich-maker, motor-mechanic, domestic-help and computer consultant turns his cheeks on bachelorhood and takes on the magical mantle of marriage with his beautiful young bride.

And what a wonderful occasion a wedding is everyone looking quite marvelous, especially the stunning bridesmaids and the lovely mother of our beautiful bride.

A huge ‘ Thank You’ to everyone who has helped to plan this special day

Of course things on the best planned of days sometimes go a little awry.
In a recent radio programme, a musical group who performed at upper-crust weddings recalled a particular incident involving a well-known piece of music.
The band had been instructed to play the haunting theme from Robin Hood – Everything I do, I do it for you. Etc etc. to start the evening's festivities. Beneath the spotlight, the shy bride stood in the middle of the guests on the dancefloor waiting for the familiar theme so that her groom would whisk her into the night. Unfortunately the somewhat old-fashioned band launched into a footstomping rendition of “Robin Hood, Robin Hood, Riding through the Glen” leaving the unfortunate couple surrounded by unstoppable merry guests yelling the catchy refrain.

Now before the toast, I have a telegram from an absent friend to read out:

1. To Dominic and Claire, Congratulations, I was told never to go to bed angry, I have always lived by this, I always stay up and argue – Liam Gallagher.

And finally, if you would all stand-up and raise your glasses in a toast to Dominic and Claire

Dominic and Claire.