Speech by Adam Sawle

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Adam Sawle
Speech Date: sep 2003
Ladies and Gentlemen

For those of you who don't know me from Adam, I'm the best man….and Adam. If you think that's bad believe me it gets worse.

I haven't been looking forward to this moment as I was terrified about making a speech….that was until I found out about the sort of things that I was supposed to do as the best man. I learnt that, up there with the important duties of remembering the wedding ring and trying to talk him out of it was a duty to spend five minutes at the reception demolishing Derek's character. Never one to shun my duties I will proceed with the onslaught in a little while.

But first of all I'd like to break with tradition and invite another to say a few words. Derek came across from Canada to England in 1994 and not only did he leave behind many broken girls hearts…..but also a good friend in Eric. I therefore thought it was only right that Eric should say a few words on his memories of Derek. He's come a long way so make him feel a lot more comfortable than your making me!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Eric.

Thanks Eric

As I mentioned earlier, Derek came across to England in 1994 where I met him at Oulder Hill Sixth form. He then followed me onto Staffordshire University, and then again onto Sysop. He even copied off me when it came to choosing our cars. I can't express my relief that he has finally given up the chase and realized that I don't swing that way.

No that was a joke, Derek always had an eye for the ladies – it was just a shame that they didn't have an eye for him. He was never that lucky because he never recognized the signs. I do believe if it wasn't for me then this day might not be happening. The first night he met Heidi, Claire had told me that Heidi quite liked Derek. I had previously had a similar conversation with Derek about Heidi, with him expressing his interest in her too. I therefore did the right thing and told Derek he was onto a winner. Derek confidently went to talk to Heidi – however half an hour later he returned having got nowhere. He then proceeded to start up a conversation with me about his beloved Man City. I cut him up in his tracks and severely reprimanded him for missing out on what Derek would term, "a fettle". I pointed Derek back in Heidi's direction and within minutes they were chewing each others face off.

I brought up there a love of Derek's life, football – more specifically Man City. Derek is a very dedicated follower; he goes to every home game. Or rather he did, I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Saturday afternoon trips to B&Q, the Trafford Centre, and Mothercare take more precedence.

Another love of Derek's life is drinking. Derek has never really been able to hold his beer. A classic example of this was the time when Derek was visiting Canada. He had had a few beers with Eric when one of the greatest Ice Hockey players of all time, Mario Lemieux, walked into the bar. Derek couldn't control himself and across the bar Derek pointed and yelled "Mario you da man!!!"

As well as drinking Derek loves his food. And I find it more than a coincidence that the term "Junk Food" was born in the same year Derek was. Although Derek never cooks, I think that to this day he hasn't cooked Heidi a meal. Is that true?

Another love of Derek's life is selling. Derek's boss Patrick is here and he has turned Derek into a selling machine. But they always say that salesmen are the worst buyers. Derek confirmed this statement was true by being the only person I know who has paid more than the asking price for a house!!!

That brings me to the biggest love in Derek's life (look at the bride)…..his fish!!! I'm sure we've all been bored at one time or another when Derek has gone on and on and on about his bloody fish tank.

No the real love of Derek's life is of course Heidi. Their love is so pure and simple, Heidi so pure, Derek so simple. All joking apart, I have known Derek a long time now and I've never seen him as happy as he is with Heidi. I'm not saying that because I have to say nice things in my speech, I genuinely mean it. It is an honor, albeit the most terrifying experience of my life, to be the best man here today and I'd like to offer them the traditional Best Man's wish of good luck, good health and happiness.

It is also my duty to reply on behalf of the bridesmaids and thank Derek for his kind words and gifts. They do indeed look wonderful today and I'm sure you'll agree they performed their roles splendidly.

I now have a few cards to read from absent friends and relatives:

To the Bride,

Good Luck, you're going to need it!!!

From Derek's ex-girlfriends

To Mr. Jones,

Congratulations on your marriage. Will you be renewing your season ticket?

Long Legs, Manchester (Lap-dancing bar)

To the Groom,

Wishing you all happiness in the future.

PremierLodge Hotel, Manchester

P.S. You left these in your room on the Stag night

(Reveal saucy knickers)

Finally on behalf of the bride and groom, I'd like to thank everyone here for sharing their day, particularly those who have traveled long distances. And though it's been said before, it now gives me immense pleasure, to invite you all to stand once more and raise your glasses in a toast to Derek and Heidi, Mr. and Mrs. Jones no less. We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long, happy and fruitful marriage. Derek and Heidi..…