Speech by Adam Smith

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Adam Smith
Speech Date: Jul 2001
Hello . For those of you who don't know me my name is ‘Adam would you like another drink,’ and I am Marks best man for today.

It is my very great honour to be here today as Mark's best man, although being Best Man is probably the most terrifying ordeal you could inflict on anyone – I can assure you all that this is not the first time today that I have stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand!

A wise man once said that being asked to be the Best Man is like making love to the Queen Mother….it'd be a great honour, but nobody really wants to do it.

Anyway, on behalf of the bridesmaids I'd like to thank Mark for his kind words and Id like to echo them, I thought I better had, being as my wife is the chief bridesmaid and If I don't say how beautiful she looks I'm liable not to get any for the next few weeks.… Evening meals that is. I'd also like to thank everyone on behalf of the Bride and Groom for sharing their wedding day, especially those of you who have traveled long distances.

Right that's you lot thanked.

It's been a lovely day today and I'm sure we've all enjoyed ourselves. This place is really impressive, the church was really nice too and I don't think we could have had a better setting. I was chatting to the vicar after the service and he told me an interesting little fact about that church; did you know that 50% of the people who get married there are women? Amazing.

On to the cards

Real cards —

Mark – today is a sad day for me. We could have been so good together. All my love – Brittney Spears

I will leave the key to the palace under the backdoor mat. The Queen Mum…
Oh Sorry That one is addressed to me.

I'm now meant to mention to you all about the time Mark and myself got hideously drunk, stole a car and took it in turns driving while the other one pulled moonies at passers by, Mark got 40 hours community service and I legged it, Yeh – Id love to tell that story but I cant cos itd be lying. No, the truth of the matter is that Mark was so well dragged up by Ken and Yvonne that there aren't really any embarrassing stories to tell about him.

Don't sigh with relief yet Mark

I realized that I had to get something on him, so we had to go way back in time to his wonderful childhood – Thanks Yvonne

Do you know any kids that like prams? I do I've got one of my own, she's called Bethany and she's a little girl. There's someone else round here that liked prams as a child isn't there Mark. Yes apparently when Mark was 4 years old he would approach little girls and ask for a quick lend of their dollies pram. He wanted one so much that Yvonne decided that Santa should bring him one. Ken told Santa to bugger off – No son of mine is having a dolls pram. Poor Mark had to make do with a little plastic shopping trolley to push around his little doll.

Lets move on to when Mark was 21 – The setting – Jamaica, 7 PM, the palm trees, the white beaches, the sun setting on the horizon, Mark completely pissed on Jamaican rum, giggling like an imbecile.
Poor Yvonne, she had to go and have special words with the restaurant manager to see if they could get a table in the corner in case he threw up. All through the meal all Mark would say is Im very very happy, Im very very happy. Go see him in a couple of hours and Im sure he'll say the same to you.

I first met Mark in about 1996 at work. I caught him stealing computer supplies from one of our offices, no but really he came and joined a company I worked for in Chester we worked together for about 2 years and became great friends. He left cos he couldn't stand the boss. Not long after the company closed down.

Some months later I went to join him at an other company as his little helper, we worked there for about 3 years. And continued our great friendship. Mark left cos he couldn't stand the boss and not long after the office closed down.

Hang on does anyone notice a trend appearing here??

On a more serious note, Mark you are a great friend, Ive learnt a great deal from you over the years and it has truly been an honour being your Best man. Joanne is a lovely person, she deserves a good husband, so thank goodness you married her before she found one.

Before I hit the bar in grand style Id just like to share these words of wisdom with you both

Joanne – remember that Men are like a fine wine, they start out like grapes and it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they turn into something you would like to have dinner with.
Mark – on the other hand, Women are also like a fine wine, they start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then they turn full bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary, eventually giving you a headache.

I think Ill leave it there cos Jo's glaring at me but Id just like to congratulate you both on behalf of everyone here and wish you all the luck in the world

Ladies and Gentlemen a toast to Mr. and Mrs. Mark Wright