Speech by Adrian Davis

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Adrian Davis
Speech Date: Jul 2001
Good afternoon everyone…

Can the People at the back hear me ok? Yes, ok then mines a pint of Stella.
My name is Adrian – and from that rousing introduction you know I am Andy's best man. I'm sure you'll agree that this has been a great wedding.

I think we can all say that Tamzin's outfit is a number one hit, and that Andy also looks likes a real chart topper.
Although I'm not sure from which year!

I'd like to begin, by thanking Kayliegh and Bianca, Charlotte and Daisy and Zoëy.
I don't think you could find five more wonderful looking bridesmaids in the whole of Christendom. And I'm sure your all agree they performed their role splendidly! Give them a big hand!

I would also like to thank everyone for coming today, especially those who have travelled long distances. I know it means a lot to Andy and Tam to have you all here.

When Andy asked me to be Best Man I was terrified- and I can assure you that this isn't the first time today, that I have stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand!
But I suppose being a best man is like kissing the Queen Mother. It is a great honour but nobody wants to do it!

Actually, it really is an honour to be Andy's best man because to me Andy is one of the best men I know. He is a great guy and through the years I've known him he's been like a brother to me. A truer friend a man could not have. Andy this is indeed the happiest day of your life. Well that's at least that's what Tamzin told me earlier! And so it should be, for you have just married one of the most beautiful and intelligent ladies I know. Andy she's a lovely person. And I think we all agree, she deserves a good husband.

Thank God you married her before she found one!

Let me tell you about Andy. Andy was born in 1973, the same year the disposable lighter was invented, an invention that in his teenage years he would find indispensable (that and Rizla's).

Andy went to secondary school at William Parker. I'm told that amongst his fellow pupils, his nickname was simply ‘God’, that is, he was rarely ever seen, and when he did do any work it was an absolute miracle!

I first met Andy 13 years ago. When I joined Nathan's Saturday role-playing game. Five years of sitting in a tiny bedroom rattling each other's dice certainly brings a group of men closer together.

Many secrets were shared and much bonding ensued. I would be breaking countless trusts if revealed anything from those years, so I won't be telling you about Andy's demonstration of carnal passion with a cauliflower, nor will I be telling you about how Andy's shifty excuses for lateness got him the nickname Tuggy and a packet of Kleenex.

After the Game finished and I moved to London I didn't see too much of Andy. That was until he bought THE BEAST. A huge Red Van, with suspension that a tank would look down on and an engine that had more of a hacking cough than the Marlborough man.

Of course these faults were minor things, in the eyes of Andy ‘The Lad’ Sharrod. What was most important was if the sound system could shatter glass at 1000 paces. I think Andy's former neighbours would have no disagreement that it could.

It was this giant woofer on wheels that brought Andy one fateful night into the sleepy Sussex Backwater of Eastbourne. Seeking to slake his thirst on the local ale and impress the yokels with his horseless carriage, he was somewhat surprised to meet a stunner like Tamzin.
After countless trips to Eastbourne and a 4-week campaign to convince Tamzin, that he really was a cool urban sophisticate.… He finally realised, that to win this girl he would have to leave the heady heights of pizza delivery in Hastings and move to London.

In true Dick Whittington fashion, he backed his bags and off he went.
Seeking his fortune as a sales executive. After convincing Bradley his new boss that although his purple hair might not be the best thing for business, peroxide blonde would get the pounds rolling in. He put his money where his mouth was and worked like a dog selling Ice too Eskimos and Sand too Arabs.

Tamzin soon followed to London and ever since then Andy has become even more annoyingly successful.
Since moving in with Tamzin, Andy has learnt loyalty, self-restraint, control, he has developed a sense of fair play and many other qualities… he wouldn't have needed if he had stayed single…

I asked Andy, what he was looking for in marriage; he said love, happiness and eventually a family. When I asked Tamzin the same question, she replied…A TOASTER

Andy you have pulled a blinder in marrying Tam. You have found someone who is beautiful, charming, funny, loving and caring and a match for you any day of the week. Tamzin you've found, well…….… Andy.

And now for a few words of advise to both bride and groom.
Tamzin, Men are like fine wine, they start out like grapes and it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they mature into something that you would like to have dinner with.
On the other hand Andy, women are also like a fine wine. They will start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary, eventually giving you a headache.

Before I finish I would like to ask Tamzin and Andy to Participate in the speech now. Tamzin if I can ask you to place your hand flat on the table . . . Andy, it's now your turn. Place your hand directly on top of Tamzin's . . . I hope that you are enjoying that Andy as it is the last time that you will have the upper hand.

On a sincere note I would like to thank Andy for asking me to be his best man, and Tamzin for letting Andy ask me. It truly has been an honour.

It now gives me immense pleasure, to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast for Andy and Tamzin, Mr and Mrs Sharrod no less. We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long, happy and fruitful marriage. Andy and Tam…

I Think I might just ring the Queen Mother now.