Speech by Adrian Emmott

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Adrian Emmott
Speech Date: aug 2002
My own advice to any best man giving a speech would be to keep it short,
clean(ish), don't insult the bride, and don't have anymore than three or
four pints/glasses of wine before you do it – trust me after you get your
first big laugh, you'll enjoy every second of it – best of luck!

The speech…
INTRODUCTION
THANKS CHRIS. GOOD AFTERNOON EVERYONE, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW
ME, MY NAME'S ADRIAN, AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DO KNOW ME – WELL, MY APOLOGIES.

FIRSTLY ON BEHALF OF THE BRIDESMAIDS, THANKS TO CHRIS FOR HIS KIND WORDS.
I'M SURE YOU'LL ALL AGREE THAT THEY'VE DONE A GREAT JOB TODAY AND LOOK FANTASTIC.

I'VE KNOWN CHRIS FOR ABOUT NINETEEN YEARS NOW, AND EVEN THOUGH I WAS TERRIFIED WHEN HE ASKED ME TO BE HIS BEST MAN, I ACCEPTED FOR A GOOD REASON
WE'VE BEEN GOOD FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME, HE'S ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME, AND EVEN THOUGH HE'S GOT GINGER HAIR, I THINK HE'S A GREAT BLOKE AND HOPE THAT WE STAY FRIENDS FOR MANY YEARS TO COME.
MIDDLE]
NOW, IT'S CUSTOMARY FOR THE BEST MAN TO OFFER THE GROOM SOME ADVICE ON MARRIAGE:
MARRIED LIFE CAN BE COMPARED TO FOOTBALL, A PASSION OF HIS: SO, BE FULLY COMMITTED EVERY WEEK AND MAKE SURE YOU SCORE EVERY SATURDAY. HOWEVER, DANNI ASSURES ME THAT PLAYING AWAY FROM HOME, COULD RESULT IN A SERIOUS GROIN INJURY, AND IS DEFINITELY THE QUICKEST WAY ONTO THE TRANSFER LIST.
NOW IF I MAY, I'D LIKE TO END WITH A SHORT POEM, WHICH I'LL JUST GET OUT…
[produce picture of chris – poem on the back]:
END]
AT SCHOOL I FIRST HIM, NINETEEN YEARS AGO,
DID I REALLY DESERVE TO BE DEALT SUCH A BLOW?

THREE YEARS AT THE GRAMMAR, SUCH WONDERFUL DAYS,
I SEEM TO REMEMBER THAT YOU GOT MORE A's,

AFTER SCHOOL THEN CAME UNI, WHERE THE LECTURES WERE BORING,
WHICH IS WHY YOU WERE OFTEN AT HOME IN BED SNORING

WE BOTH DRANK FOR ENGLAND, SANG WITH VOICES LIKE THUNDER,
THEN COLLAPSED IN A CORNER AND SLEPT IN OUR CHUNDER

AND THEN FOR A YEAR YOU TRAVELLED WIDE AND FAR,
WORKING AS A POSTMAN IN THE BRADFORD AIR-REE-ARE!

YOU HAD A NICE TIME ON YOUR FIRST DATE WITH DANNI,
SHE TOOK YOU BACK HOME AND SHOWED YOU HER [pause] FANTASTIC COLLECTION OF
DURAN DURAN CDs!

SHE'S CHARMING, SHE'S WITTY AND BEAUTIFUL TOO,
WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT THAT SHE'D SETTLE FOR YOU

A MAN WITH GREAT SPIRIT AND A KEEN SENSE OF FUN,
BUT COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY UNDER THE THUMB

TRULY A FRIEND I WOULD TRUST WITH MY LIFE,
AND NOW MUCH IMPROVED WITH A WONDERFUL WIFE

ONE FINAL COMMENT, AS I'M IN NEED OF A REST,
CHRIS, THIS IS FROM ALL OF US, WE THINK YOU'RE THE BEST

TOAST]
PLEASE JOIN ME IN A TOAST TO THE PARENTS OF THE BRIDE AND GROOM FOR MAKING
THIS SUCH A SPECIAL DAY:
THE PARENTS!