Speech by Adrian Richings

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Adrian Richings
Speech Date: Jul2007
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, you will pleased to know that I'm only talking for a few minutes because of my throat …… If I go on too long Hanne's threatened to cut it.

When Mike asked me to be his best man it felt like inheriting a Harem … I know what to do …… but hell, where do you start !

So lets start with the traditional bit, firstly on behalf of the bridesmaids I'm sure they would like me to thank Mike for his kind words and I have to agree with him they all look wonderful, they asked me to tell you they thought your not too bad yourself mate. I'm sure you all agree that Hanne looks fantastic.. One in a million and Mike looks like he always does .… Won in a raffle ! And he's copied my outfit today ! No really they are a great couple, Pure and Simple… Hannes pure..…

So, I suppose I should say a few words about Mike and his past. I am qualified to do this as we have been through a lot together, in fact just this morning we were saying how glad we were that none of them are here today, but I think last years foot and mouth took care of that !

I know Mike better than most in here, some say including Dave &amp Jane, his parents because there are lots of extremely embarrassing things that he has never told his parents. I have however brought a list of them LIST Only joking mate, I didn't have enough paper !

You will be pleased to know that I am not going to do the old chestnut of asking for all the spare keys back that Mike has handed out over the years as there was no chance of me going through all this BIG BLACK BOOK.. TOTTY VOL.1.

Now there are lots of embarrasing things I could tell you about Mike and a few roll off the tongue like : Mr Chic Cala'Dor 1988, deaf girls , many jolley boy trips and his disgusting habit of doing No2’s on his lounge furnature !! But I guess you will have to ask him about them later if you want to know about them.

Although, one he waited 20 yrs for revenge !! Cast your minds back to when we were innocent, na&#239ve 18 yr olds. Me after one particular heavy Sat. night, lying in Fosters doorway, Gloucester. I think I must have had a bad burger that night because I was poorly , you get the picture. Well anyway my mucker here somehow managed to get me home after an hour or so of me being violently ill, cant imagine how he did it..… Imagine my surprise when 2 weeks ago on his stag in Bath the bugger got his own back on me the same way, 20 yrs later, what a mess he was !!!

Talking about parties this month getting ready for the wedding… drink, drugs, sex, rock &amp roll, total debauchery.… it's a shame we wer'nt on Hanne's Hen night !

At this point I want to offer Mike a small piece of advice, and he will be pleased to know that a successful marriage can be compared to a game of rugby:
1. Ensure you are fully committed every week.
2. Make sure you score on a Saturday
3. Ensure you change ends at half time
And Finally No 4: Don't put your tackle in too hard or you might injure yourself !

Having never worked with Mike I decided to ask some of his workmates what they thought of him .. “GODLIKE” was the answer..I asked them to explain….Well apparently he is rarely seen, Holier than thou, and if he does any work it's a bloody miracle..… I also spoke to some others to see what they thought, one actually said he was , conceited, selfish, chauvinistic and insensitive… so thanks for that one Hanne !!

Well they say that the best mans speech is the worst 5 minutes of the grooms life but thankfully for Mike its nearly over.. Unfortunately for Hanne the worst 5 mins of her life will probably come later tonight !!

On a more sincere note I want to express my congratulation to you both and for honouring me as your best man. I have, and will always think of Mike as a brother ! – an unpleasantly hairy and slightly simple brother, but a brother none the less and I thank him for being my best mate all these years, especially when you consider some of the shit I have got him into !!!

Now, I have a few telegrams to read out ….…

1. To Hanne, from the Longney Longhorns Cricket team. Hope you have had a great day. Mike has been useless in every position we tried him in.… we hope you have better luck !!

+ other telegrams.

Hanne's father is very small
2. To Terry, hope everything went alright today and I'm sure Hanne looked wonderful. From all your workmates..… Happy, Dozy, Sleepy and Doc.

Ladies &amp Gentlemen on behalf of the bride and groom I would like to echo what was said earlier and thank you for all being here and sharing their special day with them.

So, its gives me great pleasure, not to mention a little relief, to invite you all to stand and raise your glass in a toast to Mike and Hanne the new Mr and Mrs Foyle, we wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage.

MIKE &amp HANNE.