Speech by Alex Hope

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Alex Hope
Speech Date: 19/02/2010 23:09:27

I have to say dad, that that was a truly incredible speech for so many reasons.  Mainly, because you have made it to 7pm at a wedding and have managed to stand up!  I've not seen that from you before!

My father has a few close friends, so I was surprised when he asked me to be his best man. But on reflection, I think he was swayed to choose me by the fact I know very little about the first thirty years of his life, which therefore puts some rather embarrassing stories out of reach…or so he thought. 90% of the stories I had, have been censored by my wife.  She felt that the bride may not appreciate finding out about his camping trip with the ladyboys of Thailand, so I have decided to leave that one out.  I'm also leaving out the praise given to my dad from Manchester's constabulary, who felt he was a perfect guest every time he stayed over in one of their…guest rooms.

It was a great honour to be asked by my dad to be his best man on this important day in his life.  Today marks a special day for myself too.  It is the third time I have been able to give a speech at a wedding – I spoke as the groom at my own wedding, and as brother of the bride at my sister's.  So this is a hat-trick and highlights how much we enjoy keeping it in the family.  A concept that my dad seems to have fully embraced by marrying my mother-in-law!

Now, I wanted to do the job justice so I decided some research was needed so I turned to the internet.

I set out to search for information on the responsibilities of the best man along with some hints and tips but as anyone who has used the internet will know, it is very easy to get side tracked, so instead of looking at the structure of a best man's speech, I found out that David Beckham had the word ‘Charlie’ stitched in the boots he was wearing when he scored his wonder goal from the halfway line against Wimbledon on the 17th August 1996.  I found that quite interesting and if you do not enjoy any part of this speech, then at least you have some useless information that may serve a purpose if you appear on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire – which I feel my dad may want to apply for after looking at how fancy this wedding reception is.  If only his friends from Oldham and his RAF colleagues could see how much of a loved up softie he has become!!!

I know that part of the duty is a character assassination of the groom, but I can't really do this for two reasons.  One – The inheritance and secondly because of the man you are.  You were described by my mum as a rock for the way you cared for her and for that you will always have my total respect.  You added to this in the way you have battled back with this stroke.  There were times that it looked really bad, but watching you stand up today and speak about the woman you love is testament to your strength and stubbornness!  I honestly don't think you would be the man you are today without your love for Sue.  Every inch of progress you have made has been to ensure you can have a better quality of life with her, so Sue, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being there for my dad.

I'm sure by now Sue that you know many of my dad's characteristics but a couple to draw attention to are his inability to cope with technology seems boundless these days. From still not knowing how to use the dvd recorder to feeling the need to switch his mobile off after every call to ensure they have hung up is a mere scratching of the surface.  In addition to this, is his demolition like snoring.  It is a blessing to many of you, that have not had to endure it, but it really is indescribable without the use of pneumatic drills, charging rhinos and fighter jet engines. So Sue, all I can say is good luck, get good quality ear plugs and don't expect sleep anymore.  On the upside, it acts as a wonderful threat to my children.  If you don't eat your dinner, then you are sleeping in Grandad's room!  Seems to work like a dream. 

I would like to spend a little time highlighting the beauty of the bridesmaids.  They really have done a cracking job and with their support and that of Sainsbury's wine aisle, they really have ensured that Sue has been able to enjoy this special day. And it is only right that you have been outshine by the beautiful bride. And, I'm sure you'll agree with me gentlemen, today is a sad day for single men, as another beauty leaves the available list. And ladies, I'm sure you'll agree that today passes by without much of a ripple.  As best man, I'm told that it is a duty to smooch with a bridesmaid!  I love that idea and will most certainly be trying my luck with the brunette!  In all serious, you have been fantastic and you look wonderful.  I also want to thank the physiotherapists that have worked so hard to made dad's wish of standing for his vows and speech happen.  You are wonderful and I know that is has meant a lot to my dad that he was able to be stood up to see Sue walk down the aisle.  Thank you for all you have done in making that happen.

Now, the marriage of Sue and my dad has some added benefits that other marriages don't have.  They say that you can tell what your wife will look like when they are older by looking at her mother.  Well for us, we can see what we will look like as a couple as a result of this wedding.  Kirsty, you are going look like a million dollars if you follow Sue's looks, whilst I am set to look like ….  The other benefit is….. 

There are a few messages from people, who despite their best efforts, could not be here today, so I'll share there words with you now….

Sue, if it all goes belly up, then please call me – George Clooney

Peter, I'll miss you always – Graham Norton

Now, coming towards the end of my speech, it is customary for me to offer the happy couple some words of wisdom. So…

To Sue…
Remember that men are like a fine wine…
They start out like grapes…
And it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they turn into something you would like to have dinner with.

To dad…
By coincidence, women too are like a fine wine…
They start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind…
And then they turn full bodied with age, and eventually give you a splitting headache!

And remember dad, never forget how much Sue will enjoy hearing those 3 special words…you're right dear!

On behalf of the bride & groom I would like to thank everyone here for sharing their very special day and a massive thank you to everyone who has contributed and made the occasion so wonderful.

You two will make a magnificent married couple for many years to come , and I am very proud to have been a part of your special day. With all my heart I hope you two have a long and happy marriage. Now if you will all be upstanding & join me in a toast to the bride & groom. We wish you complete happiness for the future and our prayers are with you.

To Peter and Sue

Many thanks for your time and please enjoy the rest of this fantastic day.