Speech by Alex Smith

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Alex Smith
Speech Date: Sept 2008
Ladies and Gentlemen Good evening,
For those of you who don't know me, my name is Alex and I consider myself Grahams oldest friend I was a bit surprised to be Grahams best man ***PAUSE***, no I wasn't he hasn't got many friends
***LAUGH***.
And I””m also a complete novice at public speaking and I seem to have this, overwhelming urge to prove that to you over the next, few, painful minutes.

I like to thank Graham for his kind words about the bridesmaids, I agree they have done a really good job and look lovely and are only outshone by the beautiful bride. Also can I send a thank you from the bridesmaids to the couple for a great day, they have asked me to wish you the best of luck in the future. Thank you Tony for your kind speech, And to MARION, BARBARA AND JOHN. Also a big thanks to everyone here for coming to today to celebrate this very special day. A very special day for a very special couple.

If I can just take your attention back to Emma. I'm quite sure you'll agree that she looks amazing, stunning in fact. And then… there is Graham who looks like he was a runners up prize at a village fate..

But I have got to say Emma is beautiful she really is. I have to say Graham she is absolutely nothing like your ex-girlfriend, she was so melon collie, Body like a melon face like a cauli.

Right..
I have been working on this speech for a whole week now! And have done a lot of research into what should be in my speech and what the duties of BEST man are.. but I quickly forgot exactly what they were because the internet is a strange place that easily distracts the mind of the young male. So this is what I come up with.

I apologise before I start that those of you who popped along to my own wedding may have heard a few gags before because Graham did manage to utilise every joke on the net!!

I think it said that a Best man, should above all his jobs make sure the groom arrives to the church early and sober, well got that about right.
He must remember the shiny things that go on the fingers?? Got that Greet guests and mingle, answering any questions friends and family have about the day, well I know the day starts at 3 and finishes late so got that down.
But then it went on to say the best man should be seen to hang around the bar and buy people drinks, erm actually I don””t mind if you come and say hi to me at the bar, but I do ask you use my full name when you address me, Alex WOULDYALIKE – ADRINK

So I better get started talking about graham..
Well Graham has been a great friend to me over the years, and I couldn””t ask for more in a best friend. But I would like to clear up one matter here and now, Although Gray is a post, stories of him having road rage on his post office bike are greatly exaggerated.

I thought I should find out some interesting events that happened on the day he was hatched.. Sorry born. He was born some time on the 28th day of the 11th month of 1981, which was a Saturday, Number one in the charts was Queen &amp David Bowie with ””Under Pressure”” Which was how his mum felt.
Now I wouldn't say Graham was an ugly baby but Barbara only got morning sickness after he was born. ???LAUGH???
It was also the day that the NHS introduced free family planning, it””s said the nurses nicknamed the day monkey boy birth day.

And he was a bit of a slow starter as well, at playschool he was different from all the other 4 year olds, he was 10.

At this point I'm supposed to tell you all about some wrong doings graham got up to on his stag night, I was going to tell you about how drunk he got and the night clubs we got thrown out, But I promised him I would , and after all the motto of the stag is what goes on tour stays on tour!!!..
…But when we got back from HAVEN holiday camp in WEYMOUTH I got a package sent over from the holiday company of things left behind, Ricky your toothbrush turned up next to your bed, and David they found your left shoe under your bed. I was also asked to return an item that was found grahams bed… But I””m not sure I should…????
Does anyone want to see???

PRODUCE THE KNICKERS!!!!!!!!
[PUT THEM ON!!!]

OK
I have a few rules the groom must never forget, and if he remembers these all should be sweet.

1. The female always makes the rules.
2. These rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.
7. If rule number 6 applies, the male must immediately apologize for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whats on her mind whether she wants him to be calm, angry or upset.
13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.
14. The female always gets the last word!

Right I'd like to get on some serious stuff now I lived with these two beautiful people for a while, and they are the cutest couple I've ever had the pleasure to meet, They share everything. They both help out when it comes to the household jobs and are always really close. Graham has been in my life now for about 20 years, I””ve been really close friends with since we were about 14 and we played in a band together at school and helped each other through the good and bad times and both literally offered a shoulder to cry on when it was needed, and once we both were caught crying in the kitchen by Emma, I'm sure she'll be happy to fill you in on that one. Graham is the most level headed man I know, along with his generosity and determination, there is one thing that stands out, and that is his appreciation of true quality And today, Graham… You””ve really surpassed yourself. You have found a Lady of true Quality, It's been an honour and a privilege to be your best man today, especially since you returned the same honour to me earlier in the year.

Well, I better offer up the final toast as I know everyone's looking forward to the disco starting, and with Grahams diverse and varied music taste they could be playing absolutely anything….… by the Beatles

Ladies and Gentlemen, I invite you all to stand…… And raise your glasses in a special toast to the one and only Graham &amp the Beautiful Emma.. MR &amp MRS NEWTON.