Speech by Andi Cooke

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Andi Cooke
Speech Date: Aug2005
Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman.
Everybody enjoying themselves?

Well, I think that's all about to change.

I would like to start by complimenting the bride on how amazing she looks today.

As for Steve, … what can I say, we tried our best.

I would like to thank our Pageboy, Ashley who's done really well…… and of course our bridesmaids Kerry, Charlotte and Megan who look absolutely wonderful today.

You've all done a fantastic job and I think its only right we drink to that.
So could everybody please raise their glasses —- In a toast to our pageboy and bridesmaids.
Thank you.

Now for those of you who don't know me, my name is Andi and ive known Steve since we were at Infant school.
You know, it's been said that being asked to be best man, is like being asked to make love to Camilla Parker Bowles. It's a great honor but you don't really want to do it.

What can I say about Steve that most of you don't already know?
Probably quite a lot,
But he certainly wouldn't thank me for it.

One of the first things I learned about him is that he really loves a good
drink.

It's often been said that it only takes one drink to get Steve drunk –
that's usually the 18th one.

He's a big drinker… but a happy drinker, always laughing and shaking
hands… even when he's alone!

Which now brings me to a little story.

A few years back Steve and I were at a house party and on this particular
night Steve had drunk rather a lot and was feeling a little disorientated.
So he sat himself down on a sofa in the living room and the rest of us left
him to it.

A few minutes later I heard some strange murmurings coming from the living
room. So I popped my head around the door to check if he was OK. Imagine
my surprise when I see Steve having a rather interesting and intellectual
conversation….… with a table lamp!

Very strange behavior.

I've recently been wondering if there's any particular reason for his
strange behavior. Then it occurred to me he was born a Spurs fan…

Well that explains everything!

I know it's traditional for the best man to mention about the number of
ex-girlfriends the groom has had, but I don't want to get into all that. All
I will say is this; Steve's last girlfriend had a very pretty face, a great
body, and only took fifteen minutes to inflate.

Rumor has it that after they split up, She was feeling very let down.

Seriously though Steve,
It's been an absolute honor to be your best man today,
I hope you 2 have a long and happy marriage.

I hope you really enjoy the honeymoon too.

Beth mentioned to me that for the honeymoon she wanted to go somewhere hot,
steamy and where Steve has never been… I suggested the kitchen.

Actually talking of holidays brings me to another little story..…

In May 2004 Steve and Beth took a well-deserved break in the Canary Islands,
and being the good friend that I am I provided their transport to/from the
airport.

So there I was waiting in arrivals expecting to see them both looking happy
and well rested. Imagine my surprise when I saw a very nicely tanned Beth
pushing along a Bright red disabled lad in a wheelchair.

That was Steve.

Now I know its good to relax when you're on Holiday, but I couldn't help
thinking that the wheelchair was taking it a little too far.

It turns out that he had spent a bit too long in the sun and cooked himself
so badly that he had got third degree burns on his legs and he couldn't
walk.

I didn't even dare ask if the weather had been good.
Evidently it had!

So if there's anybody here who wants to buy another wedding present…
I would suggest sun block

Now I want to be a little more serious.

You're a lucky man Steve.
Beth's a beautiful girl and she deserves a good husband.

Thank God you married her before she found one!

There is an old saying –
"You don't marry
someone because you
can live with them,
you marry them because
you simply cannot
live without them"…

I think that's true, and I honestly believe you two are made for each other.

I think I speak for everybody here when I wish you both the very best for
the future.

Ladies + Gentlemen will everyone please stand and raise their glasses,

To the new Mr. and Mrs. Smith,

Steve and Beth!