Speech by Andre Smith

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Andre Smith
Speech Date: 200208
For those of you who don't know, Im also Lewis brother and have known him
all my life and today he has made me very proud not only for getting married
to such a stunning bride, but also for 28 years of friendship.

Before I go any further, I would like to thank the bridesmaids Bev( age27 ),
Ali( age3 ) and Anna (age2 ) for doing a wonderfull job of helping out and
looking beautiful…I would like to point out that all 3 are now single and
available.

Read cards from relatives.

Telegrams
>From a friend of the bride and groom: Sorry I couldn't be with you on your
very special day. I hope you have a super day and and that your wedding
night is like a well-cooked chicken – – – lots of tender breast and thighs
that fall apart!

When Claire, sorry Lewis asked me to be best man I was ecstatic. After all
these years of offering advice helping and looking after Lewis I had finally
been appreciated and had got recognition for all I had done. So I accepted.
Seeing the joy building in my face and not wanting to allow me the slightest
bit of happiness. Lewis then preceeded to say that this was because his
first choice had pulled out and he was short of friends. Oh and there was a
little matter of a speech to write. My thoughts then turned from regret to
dispair…… Any way I woke up this morning and decided to write a few
words.

Having lived with Lewis for most my life I now consider myself an expert .
Lewis requires the following care, Y-Fronts cleaned ironed and ready to go,
a regular supply of tea and coffee, remote control , and a copy of mens
health magazine failing that, a copy of womans own. So he can keep in touch
with his femanine side. If for any abnormal reason he decides to leave his
sofa and go out for a drink then he requires all his beers paid for upfront.

Despite bieng the youngest child Lewis has always been the better
communicator, better dresser and the first to embrace the latest fashions
and trends . He was the first person I know to own a yo-yo. The first
person to ride a space hopper, the first person to wear rollerskates and the
first person i know to give up the rubiks cube. He was also the first
person I know who had this hair style. ( show blown up school photo with
mullet hairstyle )

Doesnt claire look beautifull today ?

Ive not known claire as long as Lewis , but i'm assured they both have
always had this same sense of style in common lets have a look shall we. (
show blown up claires school photo )

Car intrest
Up to now Lewis interest in women has always been second to his interest in
cars
When we were growing up Lewis thought he would be skilled in the art of
driving when he was 2 he got his first pedal tracktor, with a little help
from me he was soon riding up and down the road dodging the traffic.
When he was 4 he got his first bicycle.
When Lewis was 12 he used to ride round the garden on the back of a tracktor
mower pretending to be Nigel Mansell.
When he was around 14 we tried out a gocart and he decided at top speed to
turn into the front tyre of our parked car sending his helmet into the
bodywork and rolling down the road with everybody thinking his head was
still in it.
When he was 15 he used to watch the ATeam and dreamt of owning a big black
van with a cool red stripe
When he was 16 we took the stabilzers off his bicycle.
Another memory which springs to mind and which Lewis might not
convieniently remember, is the time when he decided to participate in a
midnight test drive on a school night ending up in oakham police station. I
think the less said about that the better. Suffice to say,his best friends
now called BUBBA and he walks with a limp.

School
At school Lewis was always good at making friends despite his unique sense
of humor. I'm glad to say that some of them are here today.
Lewis school work was good he never got into too much trouble and he left
with qualifications in science geography maths english and Oral
communication.

Post School
When Lewis left school he put his grade 1 in Oral communication to good use
and became a professional socialiser.
I can recall quite a few nights in the local supplimenting these new found
social skills .
A typical night out usually went as follows.
Arrive at the pub.
Buy drinks for Lewis.
Lewis puts on the lynard skinard track freebird, the longest song on the
juke box so his 50p streches out all night.
Then everybody takes turns in beating him at pool.
Lewis then chats up the ladies but his ‘Get youre coat luv youve pulled ‘
fails to work.
After a few more bevies I walk home remove Lewis from the middle of road and
put him to bed.

It was whilst under the influence of alcohol that Lewis learnt the skill of
disco dancing.
He's now perfected the foot shuffle, the vacant stare, and the drunken
stupor.
If you are lucky enough there may be a demonstration this later on, so keep
your eyes pealed.
Lewis will be the one in the corner dancing on his own.

I was going to drag a few skeletons out of the closet by mentioning Lewis
previous girlfriends but decided not to because
1. He never told me much about them and
2. From what I saw they wernt worth talking about anyway !
He did however mention to me that he was finding it hard to be seperated
from his one and only first true love……Television

Since meeting Claire and getting to know her better. Lewis has given up his
wild reckless social life. He rarely leaves the house and doesn't speak
unless spoken to. Ive looked it up,and have found Lewis has developed an
acute case of agraphobia. Or married life syndrome. It seems he was fully
prepared for todays events.

With all said and done Lewis has always been there when I have needed him
and I couldnt have wished for him to meet such a friendlier beautiful woman
as claire.

Now I would like to thank all the people here for making this a very special
day .
This is the second wedding i've been to here and I can say that the hotel
and caterers have done an excellent job.
I would like to thank Jon and Ros for all that they have done for today and
despite what i might have said Lewis will make a great son in law.
I would like to thank claire for finally getting Lewis out of my house and
into his own place.
I would like to thank Antony for getting the stag do location sorted, i
don't think he could have picked a better place. After all its not very
often us lads get out together on the razzle. We didnt do much, just had a
couple of drinks, listened to a few stories around the campfire and took in
the views from the pier. Oh and you left this [..glove] behind.…

Lewis has given me a few presents to hand out, so please bear with me,
Chris
Ros
Bev
Ali
Anna
Jay
Antony
My Big fat present !

Now there are obviously 2 very important people here today whom we all have
the upmost respect for and quiet honestly with whom we could not do without.
At some stage of the day we will all be with them, sharing with them this
special occasion, and if you would all raise your glasses for me I would
like to make a toast to them:
To THE BAR STAFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally I would like you to all raise your glasses and wish the bride and
groom a long life and everlasting happiness together..

To the bride and groom…

(End)