Speech by Andrew Mills

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Andrew Mills
Speech Date: 09/01/2013 21:31:37

Good evening everyone, for those of you who don't know me my name is Andrew. I have the honour along with Lloyd of being Lawrie's best man. I will certainly try & keep this short & sweet as I know everyone is itching to get to the bar.

This is the 5th time today I've been standing up with a warm piece of paper full of s*** in my hand, true story. Now I've got the customary clichéd joke out of the way I can carry on with the speech.

I want to congratulate the bridesmaids on doing a fantastic job today, all of whom look absolutely stunning, hey Murph!

Only surpassed of course by our gorgeous bride Beth, who I'm sure you'll all agree looks breathtaking.

And of course a massive thank you to everyone here…It means a lot to both Lawrie & Beth for you to all make the effort to come down to Cornwall to share this special day with them. So thank you.

When Lawrie asked us to be his best men we accepted immediately as we couldn't wait for the chance to get Lawrie back for all of the jokes he's played on us over the years.

Now Lawrie is a lot of things…Most of which can't be said as yet as it's not 9pm & this is a family friendly event. I certainly don't want to blow his trumpet, but Lawrie is bloody funny! He's been planning to do stand up comedy for years. But what you may not know, is that he videoed himself selling a microwave and PlayStation to try and get a TV presenting gig,

Lines such as, “Now time to give you a price…” “Well these guys sell themselves” are just priceless. Safe to say he didn't get the job! The videos are still on Youtube, just search for Lawrie Brand, or I do have them on my phone!

Lawrie is also renowned for being silly from time to time. When on his stag weekend in Portugal, he mentioned to us all just before we were about to head out on our last night that he hadn't drank nor had a hangover yet. Well this was very silly and I think Lloyd saw this as a challenge!

Within 10 minutes of walking in the first bar, Lloyd gave him a very special drink, and I think that was your night mate wasn't it! I have never seen Lawrie this drunk ever!

At one point he even said he was “blind”!!! Joke was on us though as we had to babysit him all night!

Lawrie is also a bit of an athlete. For those of you who don't know, Lawrie ran the London marathon last year, which itself is a fantastic achievement what did you do it in? Well done (applause).

This shows Lawrie has pure endurance & stamina… however Beth likes to call Lawrie “her little sprinter”!

Quite possibly Lawrie's most noticeable trait is that he is extravagant. Lawrie is quite possibly the most extravagant person I have ever met! When Lawrie says some things you just have to laugh, there just completely outrageous half the time!

My favourite Lawrie comment ever, was when it was announced London would be hosting the 2012 Olympics. Up Lawrie stood there & then & said “I'll be there”. He left nothing to chance on this one; he joined an athletics club & trained almost every day. He stopped drinking for a year & really wanted to achieve this goal. Now Lawrie, I have to congratulate you, in a way you did kind of achieve this goal, I thoroughly enjoyed our day at Olympic park watching the men's hockey! Not quite an Olympian but you were at the Olympics all the same! Along with the other 20 million people.

Now to the biggest statement of Lawrie's life: Lawrie came over to visit me in Melbourne back in January 2010. He had been seeing Beth for about 3 months; one of the fist things he told me when I asked about Beth was that he was going to marry this girl! Yeah alright Lol! I thought typical Lawrie outrageous comment. Lawrie then proceeded to get up at the crack of dawn everyday for the whole 3 weeks of his holiday to talk to Beth on the phone…he even cried once, sorry mate, but you did! It was at that point I knew Lawrie had never wanted something or someone as much as he wanted Beth & I'm just so pleased that I can be here today.

Lawrie would do absolutely anything for Beth. Anything. When they went to Spain on their first of what has now accumulated to about 200 holidays together they were mugged by two cyclists…this is not the uncut version! When Lawrie saw how distraught Beth was at the loss, he wasn't going to let them get away. He jumped straight up & ran after them like a mini Usain Bolt! Lawrie caught up with them & grabbed the beach bag when he returned, Beth proclaimed him as “her hero”. Witnessing the love you have for one another, you are our heroes. It has been an absolute honour to be your best man today & we wish you with all our hearts a long & happy marriage.

So if everyone can raise your glass…be up standing please and join me in toasting this “brand” new couple, Mr & Mrs Brand.