Speech by Andrew Otter

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Andrew Otter
Speech Date: 25/08/2012 21:29:22

Thanks to Kevin and Jack for your speeches. They were lovely. I should start by thanking Jack for asking me to be his best man. When Jack asked me, naturally I asked myself some serious questions.  What had I done to deserve such an honour (he was my best man)?  Who else had turned him down (too many to mention)?  Could I turn the job down and still expect an invitation to stuff myself and get drunk at his expense (No)?  ‘Fine’, I said. ‘Happy to accept’. It was only then that nerves hit me. So much so, that I actually stated writing this months ago. To be honest, I'm still not sure that's its 100% ready, but don't worry! I've got enough drink inside me to help me fumble uncomfortably through the next 5 to 10 minutes. Jo, feel free to use that line with Jack later! Now; most of us know that Jack likes a drink almost as much as he likes a bet and so, in recognition of this, I've been running a book on some of the predicted events of the of the rest of the reception. Here are a couple of the most popular wagers so far: 1) I'm offering good odds that, at some point tonight, Jack will be found passed out asleep tonight on the stairs, bar or dance floor. Basically anywhere with the exception of his own bed; and 2) sorry, but all bets are off that at some point he'll be up with the DJ, top undone, singing along to Billy Idol's White Wedding.  Now for some thanks. Firstly, can I thank everyone from Theobalds Park. It's been a lovely day. I think everybody who has helped to organise today should be rightly proud of themselves. >Clap Clap< Kevin and Anne, you must be especially proud today. Your little girl is getting married. Earlier, I was saying to Kevin that it's funny how things go round in circles. A little over 30 years ago, he and Anne were sending Jo off to bed with a dummy every night, and now, looking at Jack, they're doing it again for the last time! Jack's parents are proud too. They really have raised a >focus on paper< great guy, a real, erm, sorry about this >shuffle paper< >whisper to Jack< – sorry mate, I'm having trouble reading your writing on this bit. In all seriousness though; Kipti, John, Cathy and Pete, congratulations for today. You must all be very proud to have a son with a mate like me. Can I now please direct your attention towards the bridesmaids, Lynne and Hannah, who have done wonderful job today and both look absolutely amazing. Let's have a round of applause for them both! >Clap Clap< I'd also like to thank the Ushers, Matt and Pete. I know Jack was worried that they might not be up to such an important task, however after weeks of practicing, I am sure you all agree that they have more than excelled themselves at looking smart and pointing at chairs. Cheers lads. I know Jack and Jo would like to pass on their thanks to you all for coming and for the gifts that you have generously donated towards their big day and their honeymoon. They have promised to raise a toast on the beach every day to each and every one of you. The last thank you is from me to both Jack and Jo. I am truly thankful for being here today and watching two of my best friends getting married.  Jack, you really have won the lottery with Jo.  Jo, well, we all know you women like a challenge. Just ask my wife! Everyone, I would like to raise a toast to Jo at this point. Jo, you look beautiful. A real life princess.  Jack, you've also scrubbed up quite well, even though you have copied my outfit. Cheers Now for some stories.… Jack and I have been friends for over 10 years now. However, not all of you may know this, but I have actually known Jo for longer than I've known Jack.  In fact, she originally asked me to be her Maid of Honour, of course I accepted, but after the first fitting we all agreed that I didn't look good in a navy blue, strapless gown! Before Jack met Jo, he had been on the lookout for a special someone for a while. Unfortunately, spending all his free time in Ladbrokes, the local pub and Kebab World was not helping this to happen.  So, thank heavens for Facebook! Some of you may not know this, but Jack and Jo are a real life ‘internet romance’ and actually began their relationship through my very own Facebook page.  I'll always remember the romantic line Jack used when he first contacted Jo asking her to put some more pictures of her fine self on here.  Magical stuff! But as we can see, it clearly worked! After a few years of dating, followed by moving in together and getting Gus the cat, Jack proposed to Jo and here we are today.  It was an honour to help to pick the ring and Jack showed himself to be a real romantic by proposing to Jo when she got home from work that very night.  As I was the only married person close to hand, together, we decided that Jack would make the flat look nice and tidy, with loads of romantic candles and flowers. Then, instead of picking up Jo from the train station in the car as expected, Jack would pretend there had been a breakdown and, when Jo walked in, he would be wearing his nicest (and only) suit whilst greeting her on one knee!  When Jo eventually got in, grumpy that not only was the car was broken, but that she had been made to walk home after a long day at work, I'm not sure what surprised her more, Jack's wonderful proposal or that he had actually cleaned the flat! Now, I couldn't let this speech go any further without mentioning Jack's beloved Tottenham (you may have noticed this was a theme in the colours for today – I'm actually not quite sure how Jo managed to convince him that his original plan to wear our 1991 FA Cup Final shirt for this reception was a bad idea!). Ever since Jack asked me to be his Best Man, I had been looking to get something nice for the wedding. Eventually, I came up with the idea to write a letter to Tottenham, asking if the Manager, Harry Redknapp, would be able to put down a few words of congratulation to the happy couple. To my surprise, I actually got a response to say that yes, Harry would be delighted to do it and, he would send some time in the next few weeks putting together something that would be extra special. Unfortunately, he obviously got too distracted by this task as results slipped and he was sacked no more than a month later! Luckily, Spurs legend Gary Mabbutt has stepped into the breach and kindly sent a note in Harry's place. Here you go Jack. I hope it enjoys life on your toilet wall! I know it's the done thing now for the Best Man to take the mickey out of the Groom and give him a hard time. And yes, I could tell you stories about the afternoon that we were chased away from a chip shop in Bournemouth by an irate woman armed with nothing but battered sausage or, about how I have learnt what NEVER to do on, around or in a taxi-slash-pub-slash-football ground by observing the MANY examples set by Jack, or, I could even regale you with stories about the dreamy days spent in Australia celebrating yet another day without working (5 months is still a record for either of us).  No, I won't tell any of those embarrassing stories. Instead, I'll just congratulate Jo marrying such an honest, sensible, hard-working guy. Now for some Advice… Tomorrow, Lynne and I will celebrate having been married for 7 wonderful years and, I think, after that amount of time, I can now impart some valuable wisdom to my favourite, newly wed couple: Jo, Jack is like most guys. He just wants an easy life. It's your job to teach him how ridiculous this notion is now that he is in charge of catering for your every need. Jack, a husband's job is apparently very simple. It's just a shame none of us have ever learnt it but, it doesn't stop us getting it wrong, over and over again. In conclusion… Nobody else could stand here today and feel more proud and honoured to be able to represent Jack on this – the most important day of his life. When I think of Jack and Jo's marriage, I look forward to being a part of their lives and having them both as a part of my life for the many, many happy years to come. I'm sure we all do. Ladies and gentlemen, On behalf of the entire wedding party, I would like to thank you all for coming to share in this wonderful occasion. I would now like to raise a toast, so please be upstanding for Mr and Mrs Morgan Cheers.