Speech by Andrew Pickin

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Andrew Pickin
Speech Date: May 2002
Andy: Good afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen.
Today I'd like to take this opportunity to pay tribute to a man who embodies many positive attributes: Intelligence, ambition, tact, generosity, and integrity. However, enough about Mark, this speech is supposed to be about Bruce!!!

Mark:For those of you that don't know us, this is Andy and my name is Mark. I'm sure you'll all agree that its been a fantastic day so far, but every silver lining has a cloud, and you now have to listen to Andy an I. Firstly on behalf of all the bridesmaids I would just like to thank Dad for his kind words.

Andy: Yes, can I just say what a great job they've all done today and how wonderful they are looking. The same must also be said about Louise. I think she looks absolutely stunning, and Bruce, well he just looks absolutely stunned.

Mark:On an occasion such as this I was terrified about making a speech -that was until I found out what sort of things we are supposed to do as best men.

We learnt that, as well as the important duties of remembering the wedding rings and getting the handcuffs off the groom at the stag night, the best mans main job is to spend five minutes at the reception demolishing Bruce's character.

Both: And we are not the kind of men to shun our duties.

Andy: Apparently a best man should be reliable, loyal and trustworthy.

Mark: Well it certainly wasn't to make Bruce look good in the wedding photos.

Mark:We first met Bruce at our secondary school – Sutton Manor. Bruce was the only one in our year from his primary school. Luckily his hyper-activeness and his willingness to act the goat soon made him friends

Andy: Since Bruce was always full of energy, he was naturally quite a keen sportsman. Football, cricket and running, were all sports he failed to excel in. He also had his fair share of bad luck when playing sport. I remember one lunch time he got a tennis ball in the family jewels 3 times in 20 minutes. Don't worry Lou; I'm sure there was no lasting damage.

Mark: Although he has walked like John Wayne ever since.

Mark: As he grew older Bruce soon became interested in alcohol, an interest that has developed throughout his life. I could mention many antics that Bruce got up to in those days, but Louise has banned me from mentioning most of them.

Mark: In our youth when we were first able to get served in pubs Bruce took to drinking with great relish, sometimes too much. There were several occasions when Bruce had far too much to drink and fell asleep in the pub. Scared of being thrown out we used to hide him under the table and covered coats, and amazingly enough the bar staff never found him once!

Andy: Bruce has always been an attention seeker when he's drunk, the day he received his A level results he climbed a lamp post and shouted "Look at me, I'm going to Uni" then he promptly fell off and broke his wrist which led to him starting university with his arm in plaster.

Mark: At University Bruce continued his education, he learnt about molecular biology, organic chemistry, all day drinking and how to avoid lecturers. He had a number of relationships during his years at Warwick. He was absolutely bowled over by Stella and was particularly fond of Sherry. That being said he did play the field – Carlsberg, Whiskey, Gin and even Strike Super .he loved them all.

Andy: He made some very good friends who unfortunately could not be here today. However we do have some messages from them and others.

Mark:
1.To Bruce and Louise.

Best wishes from Blah and Blah Blah.and the whole Blah family.

Andy:
2.From the Toto Hotel , Kenya

Congratulations to you both on this day. We very much look forward to making
your honeymoon a special and memorable one. Please do not worry if there is
some delay when you arrive. We are putting something on for you…the roof.

Mark:
3.To Bruce and Louise.

Best wishes from Blah and Blah Blah..hope you have a fantastic day and
wonderful life together.

Andy:
4 To the groom,

A loyal and valued customer, our very best wishes to you and your bride.

Will you be renewing your subscription?

Playboy Magazine.

Andy:Although university did not work out as Bruce might have planned, he certainly learnt some useful things – for example he learnt how to live on £10 a week, great preparation for marriage!!

Mark: During these years Bruce and his close friends have been on many trips away. In August 1999 we all headed to Cornwall for the solar eclipse and true to form Bruce started drinking before we had even left Sutton. He had also brought 5 pounds worth of pick and mix with him. Needless to say halfway down the M4 he started to feel a bit queasy and before he had time to wind down the window he redecorated the inside of Olly's Car.

Andy: Bruce has been a life long Wimbledon fan and has seen the highs and lows of his team over the past 15 years. And as a fellow Wimbledon fan he confided in me yesterday that winning the cup final in 1988 will always be the greatest day of his life – only joking Lou!

Mark:After university Bruce began work at EDE's Removals. The edes uniform is all green, which was very appropriate. You all know Bruce as a friendly slightly bonkers young man, but don't get him angry! You wouldn't like him when he's angry. Because when he gets angry he turns into the Bruce Spanner the incredible sulk! One way that is guaranteed to make Bruce turn green and rip off his shirt, is to annoy him while he sleeps causing him to wake in an almighty rage.

Andy: One evening after a few drinks Bruce passed out on the sofa and after 20 minutes of taunting by Olly's brother he leapt up over the sofa and chased him out of the house and halfway down the garden before he even realized what he was doing.

Mark: In fact our plan was to dye him green on the stag do, but for once in his life Bruce managed to avoid this, it is just a shame the hotel carpet didn't.

Mark:It was on the eve on the millennium that Louise and Bruce first became serious. Whilst, I may add, she was supposed to be turning over a new leaf, History, among other things… was made that night!

Andy:Ladies and Gentlemen, we sometimes wonder what Louise see's in Bruce, but then they do say love is blind. it's marriage that's the eye opener. Seriously hough, Bruce and Lou as to great friends to me, I'd like to wish you a very happy marriage, and I hope you had a great honeymoon in Kenya, which I'm told is that period between ‘I do’ and ‘You'd better’

Mark:Finally on behalf of the bride and groom, I'd like to thank everyone here for sharing their day, particularly those who have travelled long distances and though it's been said before, it now gives me immense pleasure, to invite you all to stand once more and raise your glasses in a toast for Bruce and Louise, Mr and Mrs Harrold. We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long, happy and fruitful marriage.

Everyone:Bruce and Louise.