Speech by Andrew Redhead

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Andrew Redhead
Speech Date: Jul 2009
A wise man once told me the Best Man's speech should last as long as it take for the groom to make love. So, ladies and gentleman if you'd like to raise your glasses to the new Mr and Mrs Redhead, Ian and Kirsty.

No seriously…I'm a great believer a good speech should be like a mini skirt, long enough to cover essentials but short enough to retain interest. For those of you who do not know me, I am Ian's more handsome and intelligent brother for those of you who do know me I'm sure you've already reached the same conclusion. As unaccustomed as I am to public speaking, you will believe me when I tell you this is not the first time I have risen from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.

Now I know what thinking ”he's gonna struggle to dig up anything on Ian, he's such a wonderful, cute boy!” well that ”butter wouldn't melt in his mouth” act has worn thin a long while ago. It's always been the same right from a young age where he would get away with absolute murder. Well now it's my turn to tell the truth! But before I get on to my important job of painting a true picture of my beloved brother…I must say how stunning Kirsty looks today, as for Ian he just looks plain stunned!

Also at this point, I would like to thank on behalf of Ian and Kirsty, all the people who have made this day so special for them both. On behalf of the bridesmaids I'd like to thank, and echo, Ian's kind words. Well I had to say that didn't I, one of them is my fianc&#233e!!! On behalf of all the guests I'd like to thank the parents of Ian and Kirsty for inviting us all to share this special day and I'm sure we'd all agree it's been a wonderful day so far.

Now there is something you should all know about Ian and his eating habits. Ian has very cultured taste buds, he likes nothing better than Italian cooking, on occasion something with an Asian flavour. Indeed he has been known to have a taste for the Orient on occasion. Now these are all better known to us all as Pizza, Indian or a Chinese!!! Infact at this point I should give thanks to Hong Kong Gardens for their contribution to today's wedding. Infact up until a couple of weeks ago Ian was known as Mr 32 Lowcross but to those who know him call him the ”Takeaway King”!!!

***Cue Crown***

In the run-up to today, Ian and Kirsty had a bit of an issue with the seating plan. They couldn't decide who to put where. So as best man, I offered to step in and help. What we finally decided was to use the wedding present list, and put those who bought the biggest items nearest the front, and work it back from there. So if they can hear me at the back there, thank you to Tony and Sue for the salad spinner, they ain't gonna need it!!!

We were worried about Ian for some time. From a very young age he resembled Linus from ”Charlie Brown”. Never without his trusted ”blankie” or his thumb stuck in his mouth. But the most worrying aspect of his behaviour was his insistence of kissing any of my friends that came to the house. Now, even if I do say so myself, I was quite popular at school and would have a number of friends drop by to see if I would join them for a game of football or something. But even that dropped off once the frequency of kisses increased.

Fast forwarding a few years, Ian was still following a similar theme when he joined the Menswear department at Westgate House. It was if he was following in the footsteps of the late John Inman. Indeed, on occasion he could be heard calling ”I'm free!!!” He then moved on to tachographs and now finally seems settled working as a brickie. Infact, Kirsty has mentioned he is never happier than when he has his tool in his hand!!!

Now as some of you know, Ian met Kirsty some time ago. Well when I say some time that doesn't really do it justice. Ian and Kirsty have been together some 16 years. Of course his reluctance to get married encouraged rumours, especially in light of his history with my friends and the John Inman tendencies. But I was the one person who positively denied these rumours and stuck up for him. I would say he just doesn't like making hasty decisions. Well you certainly haven't made a snap decision, but I think we'll all agree you've made the right one. Kirsty is a fantastic girl and you make a lovely couple. Now I would make a point of welcoming Kirsty into the family, but she's been that for many years now.

Now, before I leave you to get on with the drinking, I feel I need to give Ian a piece of advice, kind of a Big Brother Guide to marriage…”Whatever you do, don't go to sleep on an argument..stay up and fight!!!”

If you could now join me in a toast to some very important people, without whom the day just wouldn't be the same. I'm sure we will all get to speak to them at some stage and share this special day with them. So if you can be all upstanding…….to the Bar Staff!

No seriously please join me in toasting the new Mr &amp Mrs Redhead..Ian &amp Kirsty!