Speech by Andrew Scargall

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Andrew Scargall
Speech Date: May2006
For anyone here that doesn't know me, my name's Andrew, and I'm Karen's little brother, and as you've probably guessed, Chris’ best man. Although I'm sure they'll both have a new name for me by the time I've finished this speech. That is, if they're still talking to me!!
Today is a day that many of us, especially Karen, thought might never happen. But more about Chris being a tight arse later!
I'd like to start traditionally by thanking the bridesmaids on behalf of Chris. I'm sure you'll all agree with me that they look absolutely fantastic, and Erika has performed her duties splendidly. And thanks in particular for getting Karen to the Alter…as I understand she put up one hell of a struggle.
I'd also like to echo Chris’ comments and thank everyone again for being here today to share their special day with them, and in particular, those who have travelled long distances…I just think its bloody amazing how far some people will travel for a free bar…Dad, it is a free bar isn't it
Seriously though and more importantly, I'd like to start off by congratulating the happy couple. And I'm sure you'll all agree what a great couple they are. Marriage asks that couples take each other for better or worse and what can I say Karen you really couldn't have done any better. And Chris I don't think you could of done any worse mate!
It is customary for the best man to slate the groom in his speech. But in Chris’ case this is very difficult as he's just a great person who's always been loyal and supportive to his friends and family, and to Karen and Millie, especially over the last 18 months. I know that Karen has found a life partner and I know they will be truly happy together. Myself and Kate always love spending time with them, and little Millie. We look forward to sharing many more happy years of friendship, love, and happiness together.
Right then, let's get on with character assassinations. I believe it's only fair that I rip both of you as I am the best man, and also Karen's little brother.
Now picture the scene: Chris and Karen first met in September 2001, which was when me, Karen, and Dave Hunter all lived in the same house on Beachdale Road. And as I vividly remember, hadn't you two been going out a couple of days when Chris was rushed into hospital suffering from exhaustion? Now, Chris will swear that it was down to him running Nottingham's Robin Hood marathon. But judging by the noises on the night before the race, I'm sure he was doing some…well, how can I put this…some out of school activities in the bedroom.
But there is one item……one essential item missing from Chris’ wardrobe isn't there…….and that's a pair of descent underpants. I think it must have been the first time Karen did Chris’ washing that I spied these beauties……five pairs of Kalvin Classics…… HOLD UP THE PANTS ON A HANGER not even Calvin Klein's!!!! Chris but Kalvin Classics!!!! so it gives me great pleasure to present to you a couple of pairs of decent Paul Smith boxer shorts.
Now I also know that Chris’ dad was the mastermind behind buying these underpants and believe it or not Dave has an even bigger collection. So Dave I didn't want you to feel missed out.
If anyone else is interested in upgrading their underwear come and see me at the bar later…I'm knocking these out at 㿀 a pair.

Now not many people know this but Karen had a bit of bad luck this week when she had her credit card stolen…agh.… Now, its not all bad news…Chris has decided not to report it to the police because the thief is actually spending less than Karen!
Traditionally I have to offer you some advice but I have to confess I couldn't think of anything that needed saying. However I did find this quote that I think is very fitting…
Karen – Men are like a fine wine.… They start out like grapes and it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they mature into something that you'd like to have dinner with.
Chris – Women are also like a fine wine.… They start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind, and then turn full@bodied with age, until they go all sour and vinegary, eventually giving you a headache.
And finally on behalf of the Bride and Groom, I'd like to thank you all for sharing their day, and it gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to Karen and Chris, Mr and Mrs xxxxx.