Speech by ANDY CLEVERDON

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: ANDY CLEVERDON
Speech Date: Jul2005
Hi everyone. — For those of you that don't know me, my name's Andy; My full name is “Andy would you like a drink?”. So if I bump into any of you at the bar a bit later on, I'd really appreciate you using my full name.
I really thought that following a speech by Lee would be quite difficult, and I was right, I couldn't follow a bloody word of it.
So, on behalf of the Bridesmaids, and the Ushers I would like to thank Lee for …um…whatever he just said.
I'd like to congratulate the happy couple, and I'm sure you will all agree that Linda looks absolutely stunning today.
Complimented of course by her bridesmaid, the lovely Jackie, thank you on behalf of Lee and Linda, what a lovely dress that is and I look forward to a dance with you later, so long as my wife agrees to that, ……………I know my place!
The marriage ceremony, asks that couples take each other for better or for worse. Lee, in finding Lynda you really couldn't have done any better. Lynda….., it could av been worse.
I agreed to be Lee's best man and I'm sure you'll agree that my first duty, that of getting Lee to the church, sober, on time and eventually married was a complete success.

I have known Lee for a very long time starting 17 years ago when we both played darts for the Cottage Inn and so began a brilliant friendship, Lee went back to London for a few years to become a rat catcher, sorry,……… pest control officer.

Lee obviously learnt a lot then and has passed on a lot of really interesting things, like mice don't drink and rats do, so I guess that's where the expression “pissed as a rat” comes from. Not that there has ever been a similarity between Lee and rats or myself for that matter.

Back when Lee and I were both in the darts team for the Cottage and I had hair, there were nights when it got quite late and Gordon the landlord would go on to bed and say “just put the bloody money in the till and lock the door on the way out.” What trust he had in us, the fool. Now come to think of it the similarity between us and the rats is getting closer.

Any way back to darts, we turned up to nearly every match throughout the winter (well it did depend on the pub and what their sandwiches were like) and we diligently and enthusiastically played and threw darts and continued to try and imitate rats. I remember one particular night when we were so good we actually won a game, what a night of celebration and imitating rats again. Then at the end of the season we won! THE WOODEN SPOON,

I have a photo of the happy couple that I would like to share with you, as they say a picture is worth a thousand words, so who can argue with them.

A few years ago Lee said to me, “coastguards, I'd like to do that!” well last year Lee joined the Lynmouth coastguard team and has become a very valued and enthusiastic member of the team, we are still trying to get enough material together to finish his overalls so that they actually cover his ankles.

One evening we were practising over the river wall down at Lynmouth, Lynda came to watch and supervise and to make sure that we didn't drop him. No seriously he is a very valued member of the team and I am proud to have him as a friend and a colleague and would trust him implicitly with my life if I was on the end of a rescue line 200metres down a cliff on a dark stormy night, that is unless he's still trying to imitate those darned rats.

Well time has marched on in our lives and Lee has given up catching rats and instead made the catch of his life with Lynda

More recently however, Lee and Lynda have taken to karaoke and well once the rat impression takes over there simply is no stopping them, thankfully we don't appear to have a karaoke machine here this afternoon.

Before I make the toast, I have a few words of wisdom I'd like to pass on.

Communication is meant to be the secret to a good marriage, I'm not so sure, well, you see I haven't talked to my wife for about 5 and a half years, I don't like to interrupt see. Sorry darlin.

Someone once said, marriage is a wonderful institution, but who the hell wants to live in an institution.

Linda, marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

Lee the key to a long and happy marriage is to remember those two little words; that I've already heard you using……Yes dear!

Well enough of me and my yapping.
On behalf of the Bride and Groom I would like to thank everyone here for coming and sharing in their special day, particularly those of you who have travelled long distances.
I started planning this speech four months ago, and you must feel like I have been delivering it equally as long, so now it gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief, to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to Lee and Lynda, Mr and Mrs Borrett. We all wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage.
To Lee and Linda!