Speech by Andy Corrall

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Andy Corrall
Speech Date: Aug 2001
Ladies and Gentlemen,

It has fallen on me to say a few words about Rob and Sharon.

For those that don't know me,my name is Andy-what are you drinking, and I respond very well to that name.

To say that I am nervous is an understatement, It isn't the first time today that I have got up from a warm seat with a bit of paper in my hand.

It's also fair to say that rob was nervous today as I found this in the loo

I'm only going to speak for a few minutes because of my throat-If I go on too long – Sharon has threatened to cut it !!

Firstly on behalf of the bridesmaid, Jo and clay the smartest page boy I have seen I would like to thank Rob for his kind and well rehearsed words of appreciation.I have to admit that Jo looks stunning ———-but not as much as Sharon.(phew)

Now, I have known Rob for nearly 20 years and for some strange reason we have never had a cross word-perhaps it's because Rob is so easy going and takes everything with a pinch of salt, which is probably why he can put up with Sharon

It's fallen to me to try to embarrass the hell out of Rob , but I'm not going to as he manages that quite well on his own.

I would like to say a few words about Sharon—but I wouldn't dare.

Sharon has performed a miracle and made a honest man of him but he did have quite a few girlfriends, so I put an advert in the local paper informing all his ex girlfriends that he was getting married and could they return all the keys he has given out over the years.

When I met Rob he was a very business orientated guy and worked all hours there were to get the most money possible. The only problem there was that he liked to spend it faster than he got it,

Shortly after telling me they were getting married, Sharon said to Rob that she wanted to make love every night of the week. Now Rob was delighted to hear this and said "well you can pencil me in for Monday…Wednesday and Friday.

They say that marriage is like a three ring circus

The engagement ring

The wedding ring

The suffer-ing

I looked on a Website to find out what a best man is supposed to do and I found out that:-

1) Make sure the groom is dressed properly——-surely to god he can manage on his own by now

2) Make sure that he uses the toilet before the service—were not that close.

3) Make sure that the groom gets to the church on time-well we made it-just.

An old tradition of the best man is to marry the bride if the groom fails to show, boy am I glad rob turned up.

As I didn't know rob when he was younger I had to ask around about him. His headmaster at Lutterworth Grammar School said that he was an ideal pupil and excelled in every subject.

Sorry that should read he was an idle pupil and was expelled from every subject.

Just a quick sexist joke here.

Why do brides wear white?

So they blend with all the other kitchen appliances.

As for the stag nights- I say nights as there were two of them- we were in a pub when this hen party came in, we told these girls it was Rob's stag night and they insisted that rob kissed the bride to be. The only problem there is that she was drop dead ugly, but he did it anyway.

When Rob first introduced me to Sharon I could see that he was content-the first time I had ever seen him so relaxed in a woman's company so it must have been love. Rob has become a father figure to Clay and does the job really well.

He's also taken on Sharon which is a task in itself as I can testify.Sharon has a wicked sense of humour and a sharp tongue and woe betide anyone who gets on the wrong side of her mouth.

Any way it falls to me to say that Rob you have found in Sharon a wonderful wife but more importantly a soul mate and I'd like to give you a few bits of advice.

1)Never go to bed on a argument- stay up and fight

2)Always remember those three important words—You're right dear

3) The best way to remember your anniversary is — to forget it— ONCE

4) Always stay friends- even when things may not be going well. The best man at my wedding told me that one and it worked -for 15 years anyway before she left me for a short, fat, balding guy!!

They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, It's love. After marriage it's self defence.

Just time for a bit of bride and groom participation.

Sharon put your hand on the table.

Rob put your hand on top of Sharon's

Now Rob, savour the moment cos thats the last time you will have the upper hand.

There is another special occasion today, Rob is 40 years old .

He was born on this day 1961- no other major events happened that day but just over a week later the Russians put up the Berlin wall????

I found two other people born today- The queen mother and Louis Armstrong-both born in 1900.

As I have a voice that will clear a room, could someone please start singing for me.

Just the one message from missing guests.

"Sorry I can't be there for your special day– I have another appointment"– thats from Jeffrey Archer

I have the honour now of giving out some gifts on behalf of Sharon and Rob.

Could I ask Jo to come up here please.

Clay-you too- well done.

Last but not least there is one lady who without her help the wedding cake would not be here today.

Could I ask Anne to come up please.

Anyway, theres just enough time for me to say, on behalf of the bride and groom they would like to thank all of you for coming today and helping celebrate their special day and it just leaves me to ask you to stand, charge your glasses to the new Mr. & Mrs. Charles Cockerill,— Rob and Sharon.