Speech by Andy Fisher

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Andy Fisher
Speech Date: May 2001
THANKS FOR THAT NICK.

GOOD AFTERNOON LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW ME, MY NAME IS ANDY.

I WOULD LIKE TO START BY THANKING EVERYONE ON BEHALF OF THE BRIDE AND GROOM FOR BEING HERE AND SHARING THEIR SPECIAL DAY.

PERSONALLY I WISH YOU'D ALL STAYED AT HOME AND MADE MY DAY LESS NERVE WRACKING.

I MUST ADMIT I'M A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS, IN FACT THIS CERTAINLY ISN'T THE FIRST TIME TODAY, THAT I HAVE STOOD UP FROM A WARM SEAT WITH A PIECE OF PAPER IN MY HAND.

ON BEHALF OF THE BRIDESMAIDS, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO THANK NICK FOR HIS KIND WORDS. AS I AM SURE YOU WILL AGREE, THE BRIDESMAIDS LOOK ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL TODAY.

THE HAIR BY NICKY CLARK
THE DRESSES FROM GUCCI
AND THE FOUNDATION FROM B&Q!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HAVE KNOWN NICK FOR NEARLY 28 YEARS, I HAVE A LARGE LIBRARY OF STORIES TO TELL YOU THAT WILL LEAVE HIM EMBARRASSED AND HUMILIATED, BUT OUT OF RESPECT FOR HIM ON HIS BIG DAY I HAVE DECIDED NOT TO TELL THEM.
(PAUSE)
IN GREAT DETAIL ANYWAY!

DURING OUR SCHOOL YEARS NICK WAS AN IDEAL PUPIL, WHO EXCELLED IN MOST SUBJECTS.

SORRY I MEANT TO SAY:

“HE WAS AN IDLE PUPIL, WHO WAS EXPELLED FROM MOST SUBJECTS”!!!!!

WHILE REMEMBERING OUR SCHOOL DAYS, I ASKED NICK'S MUM FOR SOME OF HIS SCHOOL REPORTS AND I HAVE A COUPLE OF EXTRACTS FOR YOU:

CDT – ALTHOUGH VERY KEEN, NICK HAS A DISTINCT PROBLEM DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN INCHES AND MILLIMETRES!!!!!!!

RELIGIOUS EDUCATION – NICK'S UNDERSTANDING OF CHRISTIANITY IS VERY POOR, SO MUCH SO THAT HE STILL BELIEVES THE BOOK OF GENESIS WAS WRITTEN BY PHIL COLLINS!!!!!!

MUSIC – NICK TAKES A VERY HANDS ON APPROACH TO MUSIC, BUT I WISH HE'D CONCENTRATE HIS EFFORTS ON PLAYING IN A BAND RATHER THAN WITH HIMSELF.

WE'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT TOGETHER…CARLING LAGER….SHELL SUITS…..1 OR 2 DODGY CARS…..1 OR 2 DODGY HAIRCUTS…AND WHOLE WEEKENDS LOST PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.

WE BOTH SHARED THE SAME DANCING SKILLS WHERE RHYTHM AND STYLE WERE OF LITTLE IMPORTANCE – JUST PLENTY OF ALCOHOL…………..WE DIDN'T CALL NICK SNAKE HIPS FOR NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!! (YOU MAY SEE SOME EXAMPLES OF THIS LATER ON!!!)..

I REMEMBER SPEAKING TO LYNNE WHEN WE WERE FIRST INTRODUCED, SHE TOLD ME THAT THE FIRST TIME SHE LAID EYES ON NICK, SHE THOUGHT HE WAS HANDSOME FROM AFAR, BUT I'M SURE SHE MEANT HE WAS FAR FROM HANDSOME…..THE REASON FOR THIS IS BECAUSE WHEN NICK WAS A BABY, HE WAS SO UGLY THAT HIS MUM USED TO TIE A BONE AROUND HIS NECK JUST SO THAT THE DOG WOULD PLAY WITH HIM!!!!!!!!

NOW I HAVE SOME CARDS TO READ OUT……

THERE ARE OBVIOUSLY 2 VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE HERE TODAY WHOM WE ALL HAVE THE UP MOST RESPECT FOR AND QUIET HONESTLY WITH WHOM WE COULD NOT DO WITHOUT. AT SOME STAGE OF THE EVENING WE WILL ALL BE WITH THEM, SHARING WITH THEM THIS SPECIAL DAY, AND IF YOU WOULD ALL STAND FOR ME NOW I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST TO THEM:

THE BAR STAFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SERIOUSLY THOUGH ON A MORE SINCERE NOTE I WOULD JUST LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO SAY, AND I'M SURE YOU WILL ALL AGREE THAT LYNNE AND NICK MAKE A VERY LOVELY COUPLE. WE WISH THEM ALL THE BEST FOR THIS NEW CHAPTER IN THEIR LIVES, SO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WILL YOU PLEASE RAISE YOUR GLASSES (BE UPSTANDING) AND JOIN ME IN A TOAST, TO THE NEW MR AND MRS EDGLEY.

MAY YOUR WEDDING DAYS BE FEW AND YOUR ANNIVERSARIES MANY.