Speech by Andy Mussell

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Andy Mussell
Speech Date: oct 2003
Good afternoon Ladies and Gentleman. For those that are fortunate enough not to know me, I'm Andy, Tim's best man, and it's with great pleasure I'm here today before you. Not only because we've been mates for 6 years, not even because I've had the opportunity to dress like Lawrence Llewylln Bowen, but simply because Tim was my best man almost 2 years ago. So now I've the chance to get my own back.

Before I try and do that, I'd like to take this opportunity to say a few things that must be said.

Firstly of all, on behalf of the all bridesmaids and Amy the flowergirl, I'd like to thank Tim for his kind and generous toast and for the gifts that they've received… I'm sure you'll all agree they look fantastic and have done a splendid job today.

Secondly, to the lady of the moment – Steph – unsurprisingly, you make a beautiful bride. Tim couldn't have married better.

And/ Finally, I'd like to thank you all for being here today to help the bride & groom celebrate their special day in such style, and extend my thanks in particular to both Pam & Geoff and Dave & Lynn.

OK, with the pleasantries out the way, let the games begin… please note however, a few disclaimers I have. Number 1, my speech does not contain any original material… so if anyone is offended, it's got nothing to do with me. Disclaimer Number 2; Tim & Stpeh have stated that should you injure yourselves in any way when climbing on the chairs and table during my ovation, they hold themselves in no way responsible for your actions. And nor do I for that matter.

So then, onwards. As I mentioned, it's a great honour to be best man, but with the role of best man comes the speech. When I first thought about what I'd say it occurred to me that writing the speech, is a bit like marrying into a harem… you know what to do, but where do you begin? In the world in which we live today, the obvious place seemed to be the internet so with a multitude of resources at my fingertips I dutifully began searching the web. After a couple of hours I finally found some really good stuff, but then I remembered that I was supposed to be looking for best man tips.

Once I'd turned my attention to the task in hand (so to speak) I found an abundance of information, some of it rather worrying. According to one site…

“It is the best man's duty to respond to the groom's toast on behalf of the bridesmaids, his speech should be light hearted and fun. It should be the high spot of the reception and it is very often his ability to make this particular speech, with humour and interest, that is the deciding chapter on the selection of the best man”. So no pressure then!

To give you some background, I first met Tim around 6 years ago. Returning home from work, I often found him slumped in a bean bag on my living room floor, intense concentration written all over his face as he strategically planned his way through the different levels of Golden Eye on the Playstation. That's his year at Law School to you, Pam & Geoff.

Clearly impressed by such a studious chap I was positive that I'd turn up similar behaviour when I delved into his academic past and so began making suitable enquiries.

It started off well when I first spoke to Caroline, Tim's sister, who informed me that whilst she hadn't paid that much attention to Tim's schooling she was sure that he had been an ideal pupil who excelled in most subjects, sorry, that's “an idle pupil, who was expelled from most subjects”.

This lack of academic ability seemed to be rooted deeply in his childhood. In fact, right from an early age, he was a bit of a slow starter and even at nursery there was a big difference between Tim and the other 5 year olds… he was eleven. Even at high school he was a bit behind – when you asked his teachers what they thought he'd be when he left they replied “About 25…”

Fortunately, none of this has hampered Tim's career. His personality, charm and good looks, not to mention perfection of the floppy -public-school boy haircut have lent themselves ideally to the pin-stripe clad, BMW driving, city banker (yes, I do mean city banker) that you see before you today.

Indeed, as most of you will be aware, it's while attending a course when working for Natwest that Tim and Steph both met; although exact details of this have always been scarce. Apparently the course was a residential one – but I'll let you interpret that for yourselves. Clearly, they had more interest in each other than the course content, otherwise we wouldn't be here today.

On a more sincere note, it's obvious to see what attracted Steph to Tim. He's tall and blonde has the wit, style, and some would say looks of Jack Dee, and can be a determined little fella when he puts his mind to things. On top of that though, he's a great and loyal friend, who's always been there when his friends have needed him.

He's also a reasonable sportsman. There's the golf, though I'll avoid saying too much about that for fear of flying clubs again and more recently there's been the marathon running.

I must admit to admiring Tim more for this than anything else. I decided to attempt to run the marathon for the first time in 2002 and managed to persuade both Tim and my wife to accompany me. Whilst we often trained together in the early months, Tim and Steph's “early-retirement” to his old stomping ground of Leigh-On-Sea, soon put paid to these sessions, and poor Tim was left to continue alone.

In spite of that, the training continued through the dark winter months and around 3pm on Sunday 14th April 2002 Tim crossed the finish line in a time of 4 hours 44 minutes (comfortably ahead of us!). Now, almost immediately, most people swear they'd never do it again (myself included); but not Tim, who decided within a week to do the same next year. Again, the effort and commitment required to train for this was duly completed, and this year, he crossed the line a good 20 minutes faster. And guess what folks, yup, he's doing it again in 2004 in an attempt to beat the 4 hour barrier.

Now from where I'm standing such activities highlight admirable qualities such as commitment, perseverance and dedication, all of which no doubt attracted Steph to Tim originally – and had the clothing budget stretched to top hats today, I would be taking mine off to him now.

Excuse the cynicism, but I just wonder what impact your imminent marriage had on this decision to run for a third time? There's got to be easier ways to guarantee you're allowed out having said “I do!”

However, “I do” you have both said, married you now are, and indebted to Natwest you shall remain for your chance meeting in this life… oh, and your mortgage.

Tim, I can honestly say that you have married a charming, beautiful, talented and intelligent woman. And Steph, you have married well…

… sorry that should be, and Steph, you have married, well… Tim.

More seriously, I'm sure everyone present before you will agree that you make a fantastic couple, and it's a personal pleasure to be able to call you both friends.

I started planning this speech 6 months ago, and you must all feel like I've been delivering it equally as long. If you've enjoyed listening to it as much as I've enjoyed giving it then I can only apologise.

But now Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me immense pleasure (not to mention relief) to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to Tim and Steph, the new Mr and Mrs Meredith no less.

We wish them well for the future, and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage.

May your love be modern enough to survive the times, and old fashioned enough to last forever

And remember Tim, a husband's last words, should always be “OK, let's buy it”

Ladies and Gentlemen: Tim & Steph