Speech by Andy Wicking

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Andy Wicking
Speech Date: Sep 2001
After Dinner

I would now like to call upon the bride's Mother Jackie to say a couple of
words

After Bride's Father's Speech

Thank you Jackie, I'm sure Jason appreciates those kind words. I would now
like to call upon Jason to say a few words.

After Groom’ s Speech Best Man's Speech

Typical, It's the first time Jason's ever brought me dinner and I can't
bloody eat it.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Jason's younger brother and my full
name is Andrew What are you drinking, so if you see me at the bar later
don't hesitate to call me by my full name. Unfortunately every silver lining does have A cloud, and that is that you've all got to listen to me for the next 5 minutes.

I'd just like to thank Jason on behalf of the bridesmaids for his kind words I think you will all agree that they have done a fantastic job today and look absolutely beautiful.

I'd also like to thank everyone for coming today to celebrate the marriage
of Jason and Sue. Personally I wish you'd all stayed at home so I didn't
have to do this!!

First of all, I want to say a little bit about being the best man. I feel
the title "best man" says a bit too much. The way I see it, if I am the best man, what the hell is Sue doing with Jason? So, I think I will be happy just saying that I'm a pretty good man, And Jason can be the best man tonight.

Actually, being the best man is an awesome responsibility and one that I
don't take lightly. In life you can count your true friends on one hand,
these being people who will be there in your hour of need. I remember when
my hair starting falling out, Jason was there kindly rubbing Immac into my
head, when I lost my job, Jason was there and When my girlfriend dumped me,
Jason was there. In fact the more I think about it Jay you're a bloody jinx.

I did a lot of research to make sure that I wouldn't be forgetting anything, and came up with a checklist of what my duties should be.

BRING OUT LIST

Before I get to the list though, I want to share a little more about what I found in my research. I read a book that stated that there are three key
elements to a successful wedding day. They are as follows:

The Aisle – The longest walk you'll ever take.
The Altar – The place where two become one.
The Hymn – The celebration of the marriage.

I think Sue must have read the same book, because after taking the vows
earlier today, I'm pretty sure I heard her mumbling those same three things.

– – – Aisle Altar Hymn.

Ok, now back to the checklist. This checklist that I came up with included
each of the following.

1. Making sure his Face and Hair are in order (If god couldn't do it, what chance have I got.)
2. Keeping Jason's mechanical hands away from the wedding car so that we actually got here
3. See that angry ex-girlfriends are kept at bay" – Thankfully
the foot and mouth epidemic saw off most of them, and I think the rest are
actually out celebrating as I speak.
4. And finally, make a speech at the wedding reception, so I thought I would give a little bit of background into Jason for those who
don't know him as well as me. So here goes.

Background

Jason was born 15th December 1971 at Purley Hospital and weighed just 6lb
14oz after coming prematurely, (no change there then). Thinking about it
he's always been sexually backwards as once when quizzed by a doctor on
while he thought he kept being sick and couldn't go to school "he replied I think im pregnant. Thankfully he wasn't.

This leads me on nicely to his school life where unfortunately of
fortunately depending on how you look at it we didn't actually see that much of each other but from what I gather he was an ideal pupil that excelled in most subjects

Sorry I meant to say

He was an idle pupil that was expelled from most subjects. Which led to him
leaving school prematurely………again…..… At the age of 15 to pursue
his desired career as a motor mechanic although his first choice was to be a dustman as they finished at 9 o clock in the morning. Anyhow he went on to work for Kwik fit as a kwik fit fitter but unfortunately had to leave as he couldn't grasp the dance and im sure you'll see exactly what I mean when the disco starts.

Meeting Sue
Jason not being a big fan of discos, he used to hang out in Yates wine bar
where he subsequently met Sue. Apparently Sue fancied Jason for quite a while before they actually got it together, but after several months in the Betty Ford clinic she seemed to regain her senses.

Unfortunately she seemed to have a relapse and bumped into Jason again in
his local haunt. Once again finding him attractive (which I can only put
down to the drink and drugs) sue proceeded to make the first move by asking
Jason to hold her jacket. Jason then with all his natural charm invited Sue
out for dinner. When he told me of this I thought it was a bit out of
character for Jason to Firstly go out for dinner and Secondly actually pay.
It was only later that I found that he had rifled Sues pockets whilst
holding her jacket and was paying with her money and from that one meal at
McDonalds true love blossomed and we are all here today.

We may be asking ourselves what Sue sees in Jason, I regularly do as well.
But they do say love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener. So
I'd just like to say Jason, you are a lucky groom; marrying Sue today. She
deserves a good husband… So thank goodness you married her before she
found one.

However, It is an honor, albeit the most terrifying experience of my life,
to be asked to be best man here today. I just hope neither of them has need
of my services again in the future because I'm not doing it.

Ive just got a couple of telegrams to read out before the toast..

From Jason's friend Darren – Best wishes to you both. It's been said that
marriage is a 50/50 partnership. I hope you realise that anyone who believes that knows nothing about women or fractions.

To Jason…we could have been so good together, if only…love Michael
Barrymore

and one more…

To Sue…if only I didn't have to leave it could have been special…love
Jeffrey Archer…

I must come to a close now so that we can start the dancing and more
importantly start the drinking. I noticed my dad was fidgeting a bit and we
all know how he gets when BLOOD starts entering his ALCOHOL STREAM.
On behalf of the bride and groom, I'd like to thank everyone here for
sharing their day, particularly those who have traveled a long way to be
here. I started planning this speech 12 months ago, and you must all feel
like I've been delivering it equally as long, but now it gives me immense
pleasure (not to mention relief) to invite you all to stand and raise your
glasses in a toast for Jason and Sue, Mr. and Mrs. xxxx no less, We wish
them well for the future, and hope they enjoy a long, happy, and fruitful
marriage. Jason and Sue.

And while you're all standing I've just got a few last things to say…
Jason, you have been a great friend and a great brother and it has been an
honor to be here today. You've made me an Uncle, You've made you're best man and if you can make me half the man you are today I wont go far wrong. I can honestly say for the second time in m y life I am truly jealous of you and I wish yourself Sue and charlotte the very best for the future.
Thank you.