Speech by Andy

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Andy
Speech Date: 24/09/2014 15:43:30

Good Afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen. My Name is Andy and I'd like to begin by saying I'm delighted to be here celebrating this wonderful occasion, and honoured that Jarrod chose me as his best man.

On behalf of the bridesmaids and groomsmen, Jarrod and Verity, thank you for your kind words, and gifts. . I'm sure everyone will agree what a fine job everybody has done, and how lovely the bridesmaids all look today, only outdone by Verity who looks amazing.

I'd also like to thank my wife Emma for accompanying me here today on time ! Its a fact that we have been late for EVERY other wedding we've ever been to !

I'm not really one for big speeches, so as I work in IT, I turned to my finest and most trusted colleague for some inspiration.. Google.

Using the Internet I found some excellent sites.. which I've told all my male friends about.

However I also found a website full of best man speeches, but of 1651 not one was about a couple called Verity and Jarrod !

I think you'll agree that Verity has chosen (get used to that Jarrod) a suitably fabulous venue for their amazing day.. I hope its been worth it for those who have travelled a long way for a free meal.  So… Jarrod and I met at Secondary School, aged 11.. so thats a quarter of a century ago..! However i remember it like yesterday.. !  There was this, chubby.. cheeky.. cheerful kid, who even back then had a twinkle in his eye.. And then there was Jarrod.. the ginger kid all alone in the corner.

Sorry .. sorry thats not fair.. Strawberry blonde !!

Luckily for Jarrod this means I don't have any embarrassing baby or toddler pics..  Fortunately for me, Jarrod's brother James was able to provide these little beauties !! [Show pics]

It quickly became apparent Jarrod had a highly competitive nature..so tales of injury, excessive whinging and ridiculous excuses, are often heard..  Apparently this competitive nature builds up through early years, typically when a child has a better looking, more talented older brother !!! and usually disappears as a child reaches teenage years.. unless of course they have a better looking, more talented best friend !!!

Jarrod's nature meant he was one of those guys who would turn his hand to any sport.. Football, rugby, golf , tennis.. really annoying those guys who are good at everything.. luckily that wasn't Jarrod

Jarrod and I were often in the same teams, and it was whilst playing cricket that one of Jarrod's finest sporting moments occurred… If you've spent more than 30 mins with Jarrod you've probably heard this one.. but he asked me to tell it again..

We were playing against a future England international.. Rob Key.. at the time a 16 year old run machine.. He'd plundered our bowlers all over the park.. and as a last resort the skipper called upon Jarrod to bowl..  “So in ran Jarrod ready to bowl…  Now I don't have any pictures of Jarrod bowling, but i typed ‘left armed tosser’ into Google and there he was…..[show pic] well this is in fact Australian Doug Bollinger ! pretty close I think you'll agree !? in fact Doug is now known as J-rod!

Jarrod bowled a couple of balls and rob Key played them with ease. .  Now, If you've seen Rob Key, he's not exactly ‘an athlete’ as you might expect of an England player.. These are actual answers to interview questions he gave in May: [show pic]

What is the best thing about playing cricket at Canterbury? There's a Sainsbury's at the ground.

Now it must have been getting on a bit and perhaps Rob was getting peckish, but Jarrod bowled another, pretty poor, ball but Key smacked it up in the air.. up it went.. CAUGHT , caught on the boundary.. Jarrod's got him out, amazing ! Jarrod was ecstatic.. running about like a kid in a sweet shop.. and I know because I've seen Jarrod in a sweet shop !

Anyway, I decided to ring Rob Key and ask if he recalled the game.. as it turns out..he did.. [play recording] “Hello Rob speaking..” Hi Rob, this is Andy, I've been e-mailing you..  Oh yeah.. e-mailing and calling me..every day !!! Errr yes… Ok, what do you want ? some question you had ??  Yes thats right, do yo happen to recall back when you were at school, ’94 game against Skinners.. My mate Jarrod go you out… ?  “umm… Yes..yes i do remember.. fat, ginger kid wasn't it ?!”  “hey thats bit rich coming from you..”  “sorry… strawberry blonde… !  yeah I remember, when Gerrard got me out that day, it was embarrassing.. It made me realise the importance of concentration, made me determined, and that in turn made me into the top class batsman I am today..” “Really ? “ “No.” Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Now when it comes to football, we've played for Langton, Chipstead and Armada and Jarrod's tried pretty much every position.. and still hasn't found one he's good at … I hope Verity will have more luck !?

As you may know Jarrod works at Brands Hatch, one of Britains most popular race tracks, and indeed this is where Jarrod and Verity met.. now this is a very apt place for Jarrod to work as he's always loved his cars, but that doesn't mean he looks after them…

DO NOT lend Jarrod your car.. .. Especially not your brand new VW Passat, something Jarrod's dad Phil discovered a few years ago

How do you park a car Jarrod ? thats right you stop, PUT THE HAND BRAKE ON, and turn off the engine.. which of those Jarrod, would stop a brand new Passat rolling down the hill into another car at the bottom?!?! We Won't forget the handbrake again will we !?  [Show pic of car crash!]

At Brands Jarrod works in sales, yet His colleagues describe him as a first class banker – so i may be mistaken? !

My main role as Best man was to sort out a good Stag do for Jarrod, and we decided to go to Germany, as its somewhere Jarrod hadn't been.  Jarrod is actually fairly well travelled.. he spent 9 months travelling, I say travelling, it was more bumming around lying on beaches, growing a beard and doing stuff thats illegal here.. but we'll call it travelling.

So Hamburg was our destination and off we went, Jarrod, brother James, James’ mate Russ, me and five of my mates. 25 years on and still his only friend!  Now we didn't know this when we booked, but Hamburg has one of the best / sorry, biggest red-light districts in europe! However Verity I'm pleased to say that while us lads were drinking, and embarrassing ourselves, Jarrod was behaving himself, quite happily doing some window shopping ! Jarrod when you get home tomorrow you'll have a beautiful wife who I know is kind, warm & considerate; and clearly must also be resourceful, brave and open minded !

and Verity, when you get home tomorrow, you'll have an amazing dress and lots of flowers. Now I've been married for 5 years, so i think I'm qualified to offer Jarrod a little marriage advice..  Dont got to bed on an arguement.. in fact Jarrod, don't argue, its not worth it ! as they say, In a marriage, one person is right the other is the husband,  And my simple moto I live by.. – “Happy wife, Happy life”

Ever since Jarrod and Verity told me they were engaged, I got thinking…How did Jarrod do that !?  But i know, why.. its because Jarrod is a smashing guy.. thoughtful, generous and kind, funny and dependable; and apparently quite romantic..and I'm proud to call him my best mate.

Right I think its time for me to finish up and hit the bar… So all thats left for me to do.. is ask you all to charge your glasses, be upstanding and toast the beautiful newlyweds.. May your future together be filled with love & happiness and may all your wishes come true..ladies and gentlemen.. to Mr and Mrs Stapeley, the BRIDE AND GROOM.