Speech by Anon

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Anon
Speech Date: Mar2006
Thank you for those kind words.

Good afternoon ladies and Gentleman.

My name is Chris McCarthy better known as Chris would you like a drink, so if I bump into you later, I'd really appreciate you using my full name. I'm Stephen's best man and good friend.

Thank you all for coming, I hope you have all enjoyed the day so far, Too be honest, it amazes me the lengths that people will go to for a free meal (pause).

Firstly, before we go any further I'd like to thank the Vicar for what was a truly lovely service, Steve did tell me that the vicar was against sex before marriage but Jo did assure him it would only take a couple of minutes.

On behalf of the Bridesmaids may I thank Ashley & Steve for their kind words, I am sure you will all agree that the bridesmaids look lovely, only to be surpassed by Jo who looks stunning.

OK, Steve I would like to extend my thanks to you for giving me the chance to dress like Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen and for helping me to fulfil one of my childhood dreams of becoming Mr. Frodo, the ring bearer.

We are here today to celebrate a love match pure and simple and they don't come much purer than Jo or simpler than Steve

I must say that Jo gave me a few babysitting rules for Steve

Rule 1 on the wedding day, bring a credit card and loads of cash in case there is anything the Steve has forgotten to pay for.

Well, ever since I have known him, I've had to do this, so that's nothing new.

Rule 2 Help the groom dress himself.

It took a while, but I did eventually managed to persuade Steve that the Church had a strict no jeans and trainers policy

Rule 3 It is my responsibility to make sure his face and hair are in order. I think this rules not fair, if God couldn't do it the first time what Bloody chance have I got?

Steve has understandably been a bit worried about the whole marriage thing, so as a married man myself; I took him aside and said, “Rosc’.… You'll look back on today as the happiest day of your life” (pause)
.… That was yesterday!!

Its tradition to mention some of Steve's ex girlfriends but luckily for him the recent outbreak of Mad cows disease makes this impossible.

Instead of stories you will have to listen to my marital advice. The words of wisdom for the happy couple

Firstly set the ground rules and establish whose boss – then do everything she says

Secondly, Married Life Can Be Compared To Football … so, Be Fully Committed Every Week And Make Sure You Score Every Saturday. Make sure you change ends at half time and don't put your tackle in too hard or you might injure yourself.

However, Steve Assures Me That Playing Away From Home, Could Result In A Serious Groin Injury, And Is Definitely The Quickest Way Onto The Transfer List.

(I thought it best not to mention anything about diving in the box.)

Third, remember the 5 rings: – the engagement ring, the wedding ring, the suffering, the torturing, and the enduring.

And finally don't forget, if you buy her flowers, she knows you're guilty, and she will remember the last time you bought her some … AND the reason why!

Someone told this story once and I think I should share it with you:-

10 men and a woman were suspended by a rope hanging from a balloon. They were rapidly loosing height and decided one person should let go of the rope or else they would all die. No one would let go so finally the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save theirs because, woman are used to giving things up for their husbands and children, and that , Men were the superior sex and must be saved.

After she had finished speaking all the men clapped.

Never underestimate the power of a woman!

Poem

Next I'm going to read a poem to commemorate this special day

Stag night

The law of all stags forbid me to say anything about the stag night but……………

Read some proper cards

Read out funny cards

Read Fax

It has been a great honour to be the best man for Steve and I hope you all agree that Steve and Jo make a great couple and I wish you both all the luck in the future and I hope you have a great life together.

Toasts

Ladies and gentlemen would you please stand and raise your glasses

(Turn to Jo and rosco)

May your love be modern enough to survive the times, but old fashioned enough to last forever.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Please join me in raising your glasses to Mr & Mrs ……… the bride and groom