Speech by Anon

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Anon
Speech Date: May2007
`When Graeme asked me to be Best Man, I did feel very honoured.

I did however say to him that I felt that the role may be better suited to one of the other guys.

A couple of days later, Graeme phoned me and admitted that I was in fact the best of a bad bunch – and then he offered me 㿀. I said no. then he upped it to 㿔

I was however a little offended at this and I told him that I was certainly not a man that could be bought.

He then offered me one of the Bridesmaids.

So ladies and gentlemen, good evening. My name is Terry and it is my pleasure to be Graeme's Best Man today.

I was asking around to see if anyone could tell me how long the best man speech should last and someone told me that a best man's speech should last only as long as it takes the groom to make love………so ladies and gentlemen thank you and good evening.

Only joking he doesn't last as long as that

I believe some of my responsibilities today were:
To ensure that the Graeme arrived on time, he was sober, and looking good
Well 2 out of 3 isn't bad. After all I'm the best man, not a plastic surgeon!

I also have to ensure certain people are thanked for their part in the wedding today.

I'd like to start with a couple of people, who quite frankly have had it fairly easy .

All they have really had to do is stand around pouting and looking pretty. But it is worth saying that they have spent a lot of time on their hair, make-up and outfits…and without them, the day just wouldn't have been complete.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Ushers, Steven and Barry

It is also my privilege and pleasure to respond on behalf of the bridesmaids however i feel a little strange doing this because as you can see i am not a bridesmaid it is however a very pleasant job because i think we all feel that Graeme was absolutely right in said such nice things about them. They have done a great job and look fantastic &amp are only rightly outshone by the bride. Let me add my good wishes to this good looking couple and let me say thank you most sincerely on behave of the bridesmaids

I would also like to thank him for saying nice things about me too though i must admit i do deserve them. I mean where would Graeme be without his best man. The only thing i find hard to except is Graeme marrying this beautiful young woman, who must surely have preferred me had Graeme only given her the opportunity to get to know me a little better.

As the best man i also feel it only right to let you in on one or two of the pre wedding problems Greame and Lisa encountered on the lead up to today

You will probably not be aware that Graeme and Lisa had great trouble over the seating plan. Fortunately, Graeme gave the room layout some serious thought and took the weight of the decision away from Lisa as any supportive partner should do.

What Lisa doesn't know is that Graeme decided the seating according to present cost, so the more expensive the present, the closer the person would be seated to the front.

So I hope you at the back heard Graeme when he thanked you for the tea spoons during his speech!

Having known Graeme for about 25 years, some of you may know that I have been a huge support to him in his quest to find the right woman. In fact, Graeme often referred to me as his ‘Relationship Guru’. Some of you may not be aware that only this morning Graeme had to let a really good looking girl down to be here

He's not had it all bad. He had a beautiful relationship with Stella, which sadly ended soon after he met Lisa.

Stella Artois has delivered many entertaining evenings for the lads and myself,

Now, coming towards the end of my speech, it is customary for me to offer the happy couple some words of wisdom. So…

To Lisa…
Remember that men are like a fine wine…
They start out like grapes…
And it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they turn into something you would like to have dinner with.

To Graeme…
By coincidence, women too are like a fine wine…
They start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind…
And then they turn full bodied with age, and eventually give you a splitting headache!

E,Mails

So now we just have a couple of E,Mails that have arrived…

1 Dear Graeme, congratulations on getting married, and also on winning our big spender of the month award! Lots of love from the dancers at Pruderia lap dancing club in Poland.

2 To Graeme and lisa
This is from the people at the hotel your going too, hope you don't mind a slight delay on your arrival, were putting something on for you. The roof.

CLOSING

On a serious note for a moment…

Graeme, we've had some good times together over the years, and I know we will continue to do so in the future.

You have been a fantastic friend to me…much better than the other lads…and it really is a great honour to be your Best Man today.

I wish you and Lisa every happiness for the future…

TOAST

And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, could I ask you to stand with me, and raise your glasses in a toast to Graeme and Lisa, the new Mr &amp Mrs Cook.

We wish you well for the future.

To Graeme and Lisa.