Speech by Ant Bromley

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Ant Bromley
Speech Date: 06/02/2013 19:13:55

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. For those people that don't know me, as Ben said my name is Tony or Anthony (if you prefer seen as we're close to Sunday) and I'm Ben's best man and just so you all know I drink Jack Daniels!  Now this is the first time as a best man for me and depending on the outcome of the rest of this speech it could also be my last! 

The worrying thing with a best man speech is working out how long it should last but the general consensus is it should last as long as it takes for the groom to make love so TOAST ladies and gentleman please raise your glasses to Carla and Ben (sit down) Only joking! An oldie but a goody! You want more do you? Having said that with what he'll have drank before the end of tonight, he'll be lucky to raise a smile! On behalf of the bride and groom I'd like to thank everybody for attending and making today a very special occasion. It's nice to see everybody that's come today has pushed the boat out and made an effort apart from some tight get who got his suit for £2 from Tesco's. I'll not name and shame him. LIAM! Even 3 charity shops have closed down since they heard the news!  They can't compete with them sort of prices! It was an honour to be asked to be Ben's best man but having said that I'm not surprised because I don't think there's anybody else mental enough to have accepted if I'd turned him down! I understood it was my job to give the groom-to-be a good a send off so I think five stag dos just about ticked that box! Also the best man is supposed to keep away any of Ben's exes but seen as most of them are now only allowed out on day release and it's usually on Thursdays so we should be alright! Also it was my job to look after him the night before the wedding – all I'm gonna say is he was that bald and ugly when I picked him up yesterday afternoon so I'm not taking any responsibility for that! I resisted temptation to sell the wedding rings to cash for gold so a big well done to me! Now I first met Ben when he was working at Burtons when he had a full head of hair! And I started as a 15 year old on work experience from school. Ben took me under his wing and looked after me and gave me an idea of what it was like to be in a real life workplace. So if anybody is here from current workplace that accuses me of being work shy then it's his entire fault! I was a shy, quiet, hardworking school child with potential until I met him! I also have him to thank for giving me my first taste of alcohol by taking me on a pub crawl in Oldham town centre on a school night when I was out till 2 in the morning and I missed a very important exam the day after I was experiencing a hangover for the 1st time and was in bed till 3 in the afternoon! So again to all those people that say I drink too much it's his entire fault! That same night as you can imagine a 15 year old lad in a nightclub full on Jack Daniels I was like a kid in a sweetshop! So before long I was pinching girls’ bums and god knows what on the dance floor. Now if anybody accuses me of sexual harassment. Oh Sorry I meant to delete that out! On the plus I got my own back as whenever I got caught by the boyfriends I pointed at him and said he did it so he nearly ended up getting his head kicked in while I ran off laughing! Nowadays when we go for a pint he ends up shouting at random strangers and I nearly end up getting my head kicked in and he runs off laughing! Now I've known Ben for 15 years now and in that time we've had some unforgettable experiences. Two trips to Dublin when he tried to poison me with Guinness, Blackpool where he tried to poison me with Pernod and Stag do no 4 on the real ale trail where he tried to poison me with super strength Belgian beer! Carla all I'm saying is be warned and enjoy your honeymoon next week in Gran Canaria!

For those people that didn't know when Ben and myself still worked at Burtons. Carla started working there and before long she was on our wavelength by coming to the pub every dinner time! Although she did used to just shake her head when she saw the crazy things we used to do. Nice to know some things never change!

Carla and Ben actually dated some years previous. I should know cos he ruined my 21st by declaring his undying love for her when he slept on my sofa! When he set off home the morning after I knew full well being the sap that he is he was gonna call in work to see her to ask her out. Unfortunately things didn't work out at the time and both went their separate ways. Only by chance a couple of years ago both of them came into contact with each other and both were single at the time and here we are today. Fate or true love you might say. Awwww!

I've been asked to pass on special wishes from family members overseas that unfortunately couldn't be here today:

Carla's cousins – Samantha and Stuart and his wife Vicky Brad, Dylan and Jordan in Canada

Linda and Lill in Australia

Linda, Tony, Emma, Ruth and Pauline in America

Also Ben's family would also like to thank Gary, Mark and Karen who can't be here today but send their best wishes.

Friends of the family who have kindly sent gifts and cards are Malc and Cath and Judy and David.

Cards Can I just say what a great privilege it's been being asked to be best man and I hope I haven't let you down. Ben has been like a brother as well as best mate and has been there for me whenever I have needed him. I know how much Carla means to him and he will always be there for her and he will make a great Husband and I'm sure they will be extremely happy for many a year to come.

Ladies and Gentleman if I can ask you to join me in standing and raise your glasses to Mr and Mrs Travis

You can now all sit down and relax and enjoy the rest of the day celebrating with the bride and groom. Ben you can stop your arse twitching now you know I didn't put the really bad stuff in there! 

Thanks everybody for listening and laughing when you were supposed to.

In case you've forgotten already it is Jack Daniels! (Raising glass)