Speech by Anthony Hall

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Anthony Hall
Speech Date: Oct 2001
The Speech:

Just before I start..… Yawn……………….… That's better !!

This in not the first time today I got off a warm seat with a bit of paper in my hand………

Ladies and Gentlemen, Good afternoon, I'm the Best Man, and my name is Anthony and this is my brother Jon best man number two. Please don't be afraid to say hello later, we don't bite, (Hard). I'm only going to talk for a few minutes because of my throat, Karina said she'd cut it if I'm here too long.

I would like to thank you all for coming to the wedding of Nicholas and Karina.

I felt very privileged when Nick asked me to be his Best Man and give a speech, in some ways its very much like making love to the Queen Mother. It's a great honour but nobody really wants to do it……….…

Before I begin with Nick's character assassination, I would like to thank the Bridesmaids and Ushers for performing their roles so well and continuing to look so good throughout the day, I must say it has been a wonderful day and a very emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers…………..… I can wait……..…

To aid the speech, I purchased a book, exhibit A, The Best Mans Organiser, and as you can probably tell I have not read it yet, apart from page 16 and I quote, " Maintaining a clear head during the wedding celebrations is vital for the Best man. You should remain sober. " (Throw book away)…..… Drink Beer……

Nick was born on 25th October 1969, the less attractive of a twin !!
Yes, it's true what artists say when they make a rough drawing before the final masterpiece…

During this year there were a number of noticeable events, Man walk on the Moon, 50 pence coin introduced, Pele scores 1000th goal and Test-tube fertilisation of human eggs, MUM !!

As you can imagine growing up as twins Nick and I are very close, and we managed to get up to a fair amount of mischief, we bounced cots as babies, stripped walls of wallpaper and beat the living shit out of Jon.

Nick and I also went to the same school in Bristol, where Nick decided to start a one man fashion campaign in hair design, his centre middle parting was legendary and will remain engraved in my brain forever !!

In our teenage years we discovered cider, beer, mad dog 20-20 and cooking sherry, mostly at scout camps. This is when we found out Nick's amazing inability to consume alcohol and to slope off to bed early !! Watch him tonight !!

In our early 20’s Nick moved up the alcoholic evolution ladder and on one occasion was seen parading around Bristol City Centre pissed out of this brains with a real policeman's helmet attached to his groin. Video footage is available courtesy of Broadmead Police Station.

Now a days Nick prefers drinking Champaign and enjoying corporate hospitality.

Nick's career has evolved a lot more successfully than his drinking ability, starting at Barclays Bank at the tender age of 16 he progressed through the ranks until making a career change and moving to Premier Banking as a Marketer in Kenilworth, where he also studied for his Marketing degree at night school.

After graduating from his Degree Nick decided to move back to the West Country and start work at Somerfield,……… Nick is now the most qualified person at putting beans on shelves and he is a dab hand at negotiating that wonky wheeled trolley around the aisles, we all know the one………

Now the girlfriend bit, compulsory for all best man speeches, Nick has had a number of girl friends over the years,………… one half his age, one which looked decidedly like a microphone stand, and the less said about the rest the better, the famous chat up line “Hi I'm Nick” will thankfully never be heard again !!…..… Nick finally came to his senses when he met Karina.

Nicholas and Karina met on 24th January 1997 at Membury Motorway Service Station, on their way to the slippery slopes of the French Alps. Apparently Nick was reading a book with a Snow Board under his arm at the time.

Now the reason why they met at Membury Service Station is due to Nick being dropped off by my Father, as Nick could not drive. He got caught for speeding a few months earlier and had his driving licence revoked…….… So it's my Father fault they met.

Obliviously, things took off, and after many journeys over 9 months, Nick moved form Leamington Spa to live with Karina in Bristol, and if I'm not too much mistaken Nick is still Karina's tenant.

Nick and Karina had been living in sin for about 2 years, until on the 28th January 1999, Nick plucked up the courage and asked Karina to marry him, again on the French ski slopes, thank god for us Karina said yes !!

And now on Saturday 20th May 2000, FA Cup Final Day !!, and for all you sportsmen out there Villa are winning Eight – Nil, they are married.

Thank You:

Thanks must be made to a few people for creating and organising such a wonderful day:

Nick and Karina, if they were not here, nor would we.

Daphne and David, Karina's Mother and Father.

Jackie and Andrew, Nick's, mine and Jon's Mother and Father.

Bridesmaids, Yep done that.

Ushers, Yep done that too.

Splendid !!

And Finally:

And finally, whilst researching this speech (yes it was prepared!!!) I asked some of the couples I know for advice for Nick and Karina on having a happy life together, and these are the top five readable replies.

1. Remember marriage is not a word, it's a sentence. You get less for murder.

2. There are 5 rings involved in marriage: Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering, torturing and enduring.

3. There are two secrets to a long lasting happy marriage, a good sense of humour and a short memory.

4. Always tell your wife those 3 important little word's … "you're right dear".

5. Nick, Don't upset the mother-in-law, it usually upsets the wife as well!

With that would ask you all to stand and charge you're glasses to Nicholas and Karina, The Bride and Groom.