Speech by Antony White

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Antony White
Speech Date: Mar2003
For those of you who don't me..… aren't you the lucky ones!!

Well, I am Antony – also known as the best man. Neil and I have known each other for about 16 years now .… even before Neil had facial hair which gives you an idea just how long it has been!!

Neil was my best man exactly 15 months ago today, and for some reason he decided to kindly return the favour……..… I will of course be getting my own back!

So, Neil and Marisa are now Mr and Mrs! For better or for worse, which is quite appropriate really as Neil couldn't have done any better and Marisa certainly couldn't have done much worse!

Joking aside, I am sure that you will agree that it has been a wonderful day so far and that it is obvious to everyone that they are a very happy couple.

Emails:

&quotDear Neil and Marisa

I hope the day has gone smoothly and that you have enjoyed yourselves on your special day with family and friends.

I am so sorry that I have been unable to travel to be with you both at your wedding but as you know circumstances have prevented this.

However, I wish you both every happiness and success in your future life together and hope to be able to see you both again very soon. You are both always in my thoughts.

Take care and all my love.

Dad&quot

Here is one just for Neil that I found on his laptop this morning:

Ting Tong from Thailand says “hey big boy, how come you don't write anymore? How come you don't send money for the kids? We all miss you very much.” Not sure what that one is about………

Another e@mail, haven't had a chance to read this one – “Neil, sorry to hear that the cream doesn't appear to be working. Are you sure you're rubbing it in hard enough? Nothing will happen unless you generate lots of friction. If it still doesn't work come back and see me. From George Patterson, French polishers and furniture restorers – thank goodness for that!!

On behalf of the bridesmaids can I thank Neil for his kind words. They all look lovely. They have done a fantastic job today and I know that they have all helped Marisa leading up to her big day.

It only seems like yesterday that I was sat in Neil's position listening to his speech. He made various stories up about me mainly focusing around my height – or lack of it. He told numerous lies just to get cheap laughs which frankly I think was just taking advantage of his position as best man. My speech I can assure you will be the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth!!

It took me ages to decide what I should focus on for my speech, should it be Neil's middle name, his excessive hair growth, his cheating on the golf course or his history of gorgeous girlfriends ……..… ok then one lie! present company excepted of course

I began by reading up about my duties as best man and other than doing the speech and keeping hold of the rings which everyone knows about, the other parts of the role include looking after the photographers and the chief bridesmaid – knowing that Neil and Marisa were using the same photographers as my wedding all of sudden I thought that this isn't going to be too bad!

I then read a bit more and saw a few bigger challenges ahead. One part of the role is settling any outstanding bills with the church. Knowing what Neil is like with settling his debts on the golf course I spoke to the vicar ages ago to make sure that he had paid for everything up front.

It also says that I have to make sure that he gets to the church on time, he is sober and more importantly that he looks good …..… now you see why it was such a challenge!

As this is speech is all about Neil perhaps I should tell you more about today's groom. Neil AUSTIN Blagden was born on 9th July 1977. He wasn't the prettiest of babies, in fact Mary tells me that she only had morning sickness after he was born!! Thankfully the sickness eventually subsided and his early years passed without incident.

Other notable people with his birthday are the English novelist Babra Cartland who was born in 1901 and the English painter David Hockney who was born in 1937.

Neil clearly hasn't followed in the footsteps of others sharing his birthday. Barbra Cartland is known as the Queen of Romance and Hockney is recognised a as playboy of art. The closest Neil has been to romance is that Ralph Lauren perfume he bought Marisa at Christmas. In terms of being a playboy, I think that we all know that Neil is only an expert in the magazines!!

As I said before, I have known Neil for about 16 years and we have been through those key formative years together. Through school, lads summer holidays and into the uni years.

As we progressed through school it was clear that Neil had a head for business and after we had finished our A levels we looked into setting up business together. We wracked our brains for ideas on the sorts of company that we wanted to start. Eventually we thought of something that was close to our hearts @ a sports bar. This managed to mix our love for alcohol and sport together.

We talked to companies house about setting up a company and did a lot of research particularly around the type of beer that we would sell. However we soon realised a couple of problems.

One being that we would clearly drink all the profits away and the other was that we were planning on being known as ‘bar studs’ being a clever mix between sport, pubs and us being two good looking lads. Unfortunately being only 50% true we realised that we would be contravening the trade descriptions act from the start. I think we all know which part of the double act wouldn't have lived up to our names!!

Well, moving on, I guess you all want to hear about the numerous stories from our lads holidays. Unfortunately there is not too much dirt on our friend ………..although there was one year when he was thrown out of the swimming pool at the apartment complex and lets just say that it wasn't for running around the pool or for diving in the shallow end and the fact that it was after the pool had been closed for the night and that there was someone else in the pool with him was just part of it!!

After Uni Neil ended up going into Lloyds insurance and me into banking so not quite the sports bar! Since then Neil has moved very successfully up through the ranks in Accenture and is now one of the youngest managers in the company. OK that's enough praise for one day

Moving on to more current events, I won't dwell on the stag do for too long given that my wife is here I don't want to incriminate myself as well. What I would say is that anyone would think that Neil was the banker as he seemed to develop a particularly strong eye for figures. In fact I think you still owe me for those last two dances!

And so onto the next chapter for Neil @ marriage. What is marriage all about

Well Neil I can safely tell you that your speech is the last time that you will be allowed to speak for 5 minutes without interruption. From now on you only have to remember those magic 3 little words – ‘yes my dear’

I know that you are both looking forward to your honeymoon, but I did some further research and did you know that the definition of a honeymoon is “the holiday a man takes before he starts work for his new boss!” So make the most of it mate!

Actually while we are talking about marriage @ now that they are husband and wife, and Marisa is a married woman and officially off limits I think that it is time to have a full and open amnesty. Can I therefore ask that all of those gentlemen who have Marisa's front door key to please return it now.

……………………….…

They can't all be the gardener!!

So what is next for Neil and Marisa, what does the future hold?

As I said before Neil has always been business minded. His current business idea is to work with his namesake Austin Healy the ex England rugby player. For those of you who don't know Austin has also advertised laser hair treatment for men with hair loss problems. Neil is therefore planning to use new technological and scientific advances to implant his excessive hair growth gene into the scalps of balding men. Judging by Neil's body hair this is sure to be a resounding success.

The other thing that they have talked about is travelling. For those of you who don't know these two took time off work a year or so ago and travelled for several months mostly around America. Neil has told me since then that he absolutely loved it and they got particularly close due to living out of a rucksack for several months.

However what Marisa doesn't know is that Neil is thinking of selling the house and living on the street for the next few years.

And what about children? I know that these two have had several chats about how many children they would like. Don't ask me how I know this but Neil has even talked about it in his sleep!

I am reliably informed that Neil sat up in his sleep one night and started talking gibberish. Marisa took the opportunity to ask him the big question –

so how many kids do you think that we will have?
Neil apparently grinned and chuckled and then said 478.
Marisa replied 478!! How are we going to have 478 kids??
Neil sat up and with these actions said “pop pop pop em out”
In the morning Neil had no recollection of the conversation at all.

I think that we may as well stop the evening here – it looks like you two may have a busy night ahead!

All stories aside Neil is a great mate and it made me extremely proud to be asked to be his best man and I would personally like to wish them both a long and happy future together.

Now comes the time that I would like to ask you all to raise a glass to some very special people who have helped to make today so fantastic and without whom it just wouldn't be the same. Ladies and gentlemen ….… The bar staff!!!

Joking aside, on behalf of Neil and Marisa, I would like to thank you all for sharing in their special day. Being an old married man myself now I would like to leave you both with one serious final thought for the day……… Marriage is not about finding someone who you can live with, it is about finding someone who you can't live without.

While you are still standing if you could all drink again and join me in a toast to ………… the bride and groom.