Speech by Barrie Edwards

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Barrie Edwards
Speech Date: oct 2003
Good evening ladies & gentlemen

For those of you that don't know me, my name is Barrie, Andy's oldest friend. It's great to be here today because after all these years Andy has finally admitted that, I am the best man.

Someone once told me that a best man's speech should last only as long as it take the groom to make love, so thank you ladies & gentlemen and enjoy the rest of the evening (sit down…..Stand up) If only I was joking.

I would like to thank the bridesmaid, Sophie & Chloe who look lovely and have done a fantastic job of looking after Tash today. Also I would like to say how lovely Tash looks, and even Andy has scrubbed up quiet well, even if he did have to copy my outfit.

Tash you deserve a good husband and Andy your lucky she married you before she found one!

On a serious note I would like to say that Andy and Tash make a wonderful couple not to mention parents. They are good friends and are always there if you need them. They have a very strong relationship, which I hope, marriage will only strengthen.

When Andy asked me to be best man I was honoured but did start to panic, what I am going to say, what can I talk about, fortunately Andy reassured me, that if I done a good job this time, I can also be best man at his next wedding!!!!

I have to be honest and say that I am a bit nervous, in fact its not the first time today that I've stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand! Andy has also been very nervous today, here mate you left this in the toilet earlier (hand him a brick). It is said that being asked to be a best man is like making love to the queen, it's a fantastic honour but no one really wants to do it.

Well what can I tell you about Andy, I have known Andy since we were14, so I had to rely on his own account of himself up until then, therefore Andy was popular, intelligent, a good laugh, great at sports and a bit of a hit with the girls. This however contradicts an account from an old school friend who said Andy was an idiot with little sporting ability and no mates.

I also tried to get in touch with some of Andy's ex girlfriends, to see if any of them would like to send him a message, but since the outbreak of foot & mouth most have been quarantined or shot.

I first met Andy during the 4th year of secondary school and we became the best of friends, where all we seemed to do was play Football and Table Tennis.
This carried on until we left school, we then started going out drinking and getting thrown out of pubs for being under age.
We joined a pub football team, so we could do the two things we loved best, but unfortunately Andy was tried in every position but was found to be useless (Let's hope you have better luck tonight Tash). This brings me onto our clubbing day's when we spent many a night eating dodge hamburgers and sleeping in the back of an old escort van, after a night of heavy drinking.

Andy alway's provided us with fond memories of his individual dancing skills. These normally started with the ‘toe tapping’ and the nod of the head, after a few pints he then steps onto the dance floor, slowly shuffling around and then he steps it up by swinging his hips and by the end of the night he's bouncing about, and falling all over the place.
If you are lucky enough, later on, I'm sure Andy will demonstrate one or all of these techniques, so keep your eyes peeled.

Andy and I also used to go and watch Arsenal play but we never always got to see the end of the match, due to the fact we were thrown out a couple of times for making obscene gestures, to the away fans. See Andy wasn't always the polite person you see in front of you today!

I remember one occasion when we'd been to a party at our local snooker club. Andy had, had too much to drink and was feeling ill, so he decided to go home. About an hour later a few of us left the party as well, Ahead of us we noticed someone staggering all over the place, only to then end up falling into a bush! As we got closer we realised it was Andy. It had taken him over an hour to walk home, which should've only taken 5 minutes! To this day Andy still can't remember what happened during this time.

I also know of another occasion, he was out drinking at ‘Fairlop Waters’ one night. After being asked by the bouncer on more than one occasion to ‘drink up’ as they were closing, Andy turned round and told the bouncer, he'd drink up when he was ready, with this the bouncer picked him up and threw him down the stairs! Luckily for Andy he wasn't hurt as he had a soft landing, he landed on his head!

These are the only stories I could tell you about Andy because I didn't want to embarrass him too much but I'm sure if anyone catches me at the bar later, a pint of larger tends to make my tongue very loose!

A lot of people don't know that marriage is a trilogy of rings, when Andy decided that Tash was the only one for him, he asked for her hand in marriage and presented her with the first ring “THE ENGAGEMENT RING”

Today all of us here witnessed Andy & Tash vow their lives to each other as they exchanged the second ring in the trilogy “THE WEDDING RING”

Now as many of you married couples know, the third and final ring comes a few years down the line, after the honeymoon is over, the bills are mounting up and the kids are screaming, This third ring of course is “THE SUFFER-RING”

So traditionally this is the time when I give some advice on wedded life, so I have asked around and have come up with some words of advice for the bride and groom.

Andy something for you to consider-

The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once!
Don't forget the three magic words “you're right dear”
A husbands last words when shopping should be ok……..buy it then.
A man who gives in when he is wrong is a wise man. A man who gives in when he is right is a married man.
Also I overheard a man in the pub the other day telling his mate I never knew the meaning of happiness till I got married…..by then it was too late.

Tash something for you to consider-

It has been said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership, anyone who believes this knows very little about women or fractions.
Men are like fine wines, it's a woman's job to stamp on them in the dark until they mature into something you would like to have dinner with.

So Andy and Tash, you've finally got married for better or worse, which is quite appropriate as Andy couldn't have done any better and Tash couldn't have done any worse.

Finally on behalf of the Bride and Groom I would like to thank everyone here for sharing their special day. It gives me great pleasure, not to mention relief to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses, in a toast to Andy & Tash. We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage… to Andy & Tash.