Speech by Barry Challinor

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Barry Challinor
Speech Date: Oct 2001
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Barry Challinor ..… I've now known John ….and Kerry for the best part of 20 years. When I first agreed to be best man , I was very touched and honoured that John had asked me, ………but those feelings have gone out of the window now ….as I stand here terrified before you all.

Firstly on behalf of the bridesmaids I'd like to thank John for his kind words. I do have to agree they all look wonderful and they have done an excellent job today in looking after Kerry, .… ..… and caring for her wedding day nerves.

I understand that John and Kerry went through a long and rigorous selection process before selecting there best man….… The person selected was to be a…….… formidable character,………..… Reliable and Trustworthy,……..… and a good public speaker ..… Failing that! It looks like they had to settle for me !!!! ……BUT John did mention If I do a good job this time, I CAN be Best Man at his next wedding!….…

You may think that it would be difficult to speak about someone who, on the outside, may seem just a little too good to be true, ……and due to the oath I am unable to talk about Stag Night number one in Magaluf, ……..however…..… I never believe in oaths, ………..… so and I am certainly not able to mention, the groom projectile vomiting out of a cab, Gerry living on a diet of Bananas and chips…..on the same plate……and the dodgiest bar in the world were even us men resorted to hugging each other and pretended we were gay just to put off the local prostitues ………………and of course the lovely people who made me go on the sling shot.

I am also reluctant to mention the second staggy which I organised …………and may I add turned out to be the best, ………………all I am saying about this one is cheers lad's …………….I had a great time and thanks for allowing me to break my duck with regards to lap dancing bars……….… I ‘d also like to mention that the groom actually got his backside out that night ,…..… well he had to as he was being whipped at the time, and from where I was standing I can see that Kerry is actually marrying him for his money and not the chipolata that was swinging between his legs.

Anyway,…………… I've racked my brains for embarrassing anecdotes from John's teenage period but surprisingly, not much comes to mind. Now whether this is down to his model behaviour or my poor memory I'll leave you to decide. …………….But, my theory is it's entirely down to his exemplary lifestyle. Thos of you that know him will realise that this in fact ………..complete rubbish.

I met John in 1983, he sat behind me in Mrs Wildmans class at Brookfield School,………… I remember him with his clean face, perfectly combed hair, blazer with big shiney silver buttons his farah kecks and pringle jumper …….this was the fashion for the school geeks in those days. ……..After the initial shock of meeting we soon became best of friends, I can remember many a summer evening loitering around John's house in Bewley Drive looking for things to do.

He met Kerry at the school disco in 1986, he told me it was actually whilst he was babysitting but the school disco sounds better………..… Anyone who knows John will know what a brilliant dancer he is and that coupled with the smell of Gerry's old spice that he had borrowed………… meant he was always a certainty to pull Kerry.

John seriously , you have pulled a winner in marrying Kerry You have found someone who is beautiful, well mannered,….… charming,…… smart, …….funny,..… loving and caring………………… Kerry you have found..… well you have found John, ……unlucky for some heh.

Kerry has asked me to include a few lines in my speech about her,…………….… however after trying to dig up some dirt I was sadly unsuccesful.

All I can say about her is that she is an incredible,……….… beautiful, ………intelligent, caring and generous woman. ………….She always has a bottle of wine open for me each time I pop in to visit, whilst John always has a bottle of Becks open………for himself. ………….Kerry has always been a great friend to me despite me stealing a lot of John's time away from her. ………..Today I think everyone will agree she looks absolutely beautiful and I couldn't be happier for her.

As best man I'm told that I have to offer a small piece of advice to John and he'll be pleased to know that a successful marriage can be easily compared to his 2nd great passion in life…………..football.

1 Ensure your fully committed every week
2 Make sure you score every Saturday
3 Make sure you change ends at half time
4 Don't put your tackle in too hard or you might injure yourself
5.No tackling from behind….especially on your wedding night.
Kerry has also assured me………….… that playing away from home could result in a serious groin injury and is certainly the quickest way onto the transfer market.
I was going to include one about going down in the box but thought better of it.

Seriously, I don't think I've met a such a decent couple, who complement each other so well. I know they are perfect for each other, and will be happy together, and you have to ask why on earth it took them so long?

I would also like to thank everyone on behalf of the bride and groom, for sharing their wedding day, particularly those of you who have travelled long distances.

I would just like to take this opportunity to thank John for asking me to be his best man………………… Its been a real honour and a privilege, ………….he's been a top mate over the years and we've had some excellent times together, ……….I am sure we will continue to do so in the future. I could not have asked for a better friend than John……..… He has always been there when I needed him and always seems to give the right advice………… I hope I have been even half as good a friend to John as he has been to me.

I have couple of cards to read out……

To John and Kerry
I've just got a couple of messages to read out:

To John

This one is off the lads , it's says make sure the NEXT wedding is between June and July and not in the footy season.

The next ones to John again

You had your chance and you've blown it, ………….or should I say we would have blew it for you,…………….that ones from the all the girls in that dodgy bar in Magaluf.

This ones to Kerry

Gives us our baby oil back

That's from the Lads out of the Spice bar.

This ones also to Kerry

Give us me G-String back, …….it won't fit John….… it WILL be too big.

Thats also from the lads in the Spice Bar.

The next one is from the girls of Dreamers lap dancing bar this is to John, it says…………… Nice bottom ……shame about the sausage.

Anyway I now breath a huge sigh of relief as my bit is over so I leaves me to say everybody can you please stand
And raise your glasses

It gives me immense pleasure ( not to mention relief ) to introduce you to John and Kerry,……… Mr and Mrs Roche…………… I know I will not be alone in wishing them a very long and happy marriage,

Thank you.