Speech by Ben Wilson

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Ben Wilson
Speech Date: Jul2007
Before I begin, I would like to point out two things, if anyones mobile phone goes off during my speech you will be downing a pint infront of everyone and secondly, I had one job to do today, that was to give the rings to the right person… I messed that up so don't expect too much of my speech today.

Formalities

I would like to thank everyone for being here today. I must say dhamae is looking amazing today, cant say the same for James but opposites do attract.

On behalf of the bridesmaid I would like to thank Tony for his kind words.

I personally would like to thank James for the honour of being his best man, and giving me the opportunity to embarrass him infront of 100 people. I appreciate this gesture.

My final thanks goes to all the boys who came on the stag do. A lot of people want to know what happened out there in Bratislava. I am unable to comment on this as what goes on tour must stay on tour.

I can reveal that there were some outrageous acts involving excess alcohol, poor bodily control, wasted money, physical injury, sleeping in ditches and even more serious crimes and henious crimes than that.(look at john) I expected James to apologise today for those actions but he instead tried to blame it on me, I can assure you that this is not true.

I was looking for stories on James to reveal here today, I got everyone on the stag thinking, I then asked his other family and friends. I then reviewed the stories when writing this speech. For two hours i laughed at tales of drunken injuries, less than desirable women, fighting, troublesome situations and general idiotic behaviour. Sadly these were mostly about stella and tony cheeseman and there were none on goody two shoes James.

It is a testament to the man the lack of stories I could find. I tried his family and his other friends but still nothing was unearthed. Instead I will give you a brief review of James life from his birth to where we are today.

The Life of James

Despite what he would have you believe, james is not welsh , he was infact born in Brussels and is a Belgium. James lived there until he was two. During this time he was known as a "little brussel sprout", which coincidently was exactly the same thing dhamae said when she first saw him naked

Growing up James was a well behaved child and an early developer, by age four he had honed his technique for attracting women, this involved James striping naked and standing in the window and shaking his tackle to impress the ladies. There are traits of this in his dancing technique which you will all see tonight.

James also was a very talented actor, from aged 4 – 14 he regulary took part in productions, he starred in many a play, he was the little lost sheep in baa baa black sheep, gave a fantsatic performance as a tree in a nativiity scene. His ultimate performance was playing a unuce, which he has done from age 10 until present.

During His A-levels, he was unlucky with illness , and had to be educated at home from age 16-19, I think the qualifications he gained perfectly sum up the cheeseman family and what they stand for, his results included cooking C+, practical jokes B-, storytelling A, rugby knowledge F and inappropriate table manners A*. It was certainly three years well spent.

Not surprisingley with those results he easily got into university. This was where I first met him. He was aged 19, and had the misfortune to move into a house with me and 9 other people. James was very much the baby of the house. His mother would call to tell us that "James will not be coming in today, he wasn't feeling special " I hope he is feeling special today.

His mother, fearing for little james health would cook for him every Sunday all the meals he needed for the week ahead. I still havent had the chance to thank Stella for feeding me, Alex and Robbie for the entire year.

James never quite got the reputation for being a ladies man, infact, for a long time we questioned which side he was batting for, and he was certainly the 100-1 outsider to be first to get married.

His lack of success with the ladies could be put down to two things. His physique and appearance had coined him the nickname "the rake", but despite this it was more his sense of fashion that ultimately let him down. I had the pleasure of being with him the first time he ever went clothes shopping for himself……he was 21 yrs old!

He was unfazed by this, in a lecture one day a friend said "James that is an awful jumper", James reply " I don't give a dam, my mother bought it, have a go at her."
All is friends must remember his grey jumper with two white stripes across it. It had a very low pulling record.

After university we both were temping in Cardiff and as you heard this is where he first met dhamae. My first meeting with dhamae was dramatic, after about 20 seconds she decided to fall head first down the stairs. it was obviously a trait James went for as they soon fell in love.

James then disappeared for a few months from our circle of friends, he and dhamae mostly spent the early months of that year hugging and kissing. At one point doctors feared they may be merging into one. To avoid the rake being engulfed by dhamae they decided to stop the hug and follow me to London. It was here they both developed further in their careers, as people and as a couple to bring them where we are today.

That has been the brief version of where James began and how he got to where he is today, it doesn't quite describe who James actually is.

James the groom

James Cheeseman is a unique individual, it is true that he has the physique of a scarecrow and his his immune system has been said to have as much resisatnce as the French during the war. Apologises to christophe, and I will certainly not be mentioning the olympics during this speech. James also has a very annoying ability to remember what everyone does when they are drunk. It was certainly lucky for me that I did not drink on our stag doo lastweek.

His more enduring qualities are his thoughtful approach to all life's difficulties, his cool relaxed demeanour. Hr has a desire to help and solve everyone's problems and the puts his loved one's before himself. He is very selfless and gives much to all around him

This is a perfect compliment to the radiant dhamae, I think most people in here have had the pleasure of meeting her.

Dhamae the bride.

It certainly can be said that I have not many any one with as much character, energy and life as dhamae.

Her favourite hobbies may be shopping and falling over but there is not a nicer person you could wish to meet.

Dhamae & James

Together they represent an ideal couple. I have seen their relationship from the start to where we are today.

They are a perfect compliment to each other, where dhamaes energy, optimism and animation is met by James's thoughtfulness, cool and determination.

It must be stated that the boss in this relationship is quite obvious, exemplified by the way I became bestman. On a Sunday night I got an excited phone call and a shouted "ben, you are going to be bestman, we are getting married " , rather different than the more traditional groom asking the bestman to be.

It seems the responsibility of being dressed, clothed and watered by his mother has been passed on to dhaamae.

In reality, they are the best suited couple I know and have not looked back once since that day they met in Cardiff a few years ago.

Before the toasts I would like to offer an apology for absent people

We have one letter only…..…

Dear James and dhamae,
Congratulations on today, just a little note, you still
Owe £554 on your account, and we have not received the address of your hotel to send out the gifts for your honey moon.

Jane evans
Head of sales
Ann Summers

To go into the toast I have written a poem. To those who do not know me I used to always write people poems in their birthday and xmas cards and thought it would be a laugh to do one today. You may disagree with the laugh bit but at least I have had my fun. So please be upstanding.

Just a note also, I am a personal trainer and own a nutrition business, my website is www.one2…..…

A poetic toast to the bride & Groom

This relationship began in cardiff while at work
But unlike most dhamae didn't think James was a jerk.
They wined, dined held hands and kissed
And every minute apart, each other they missed.

James is a unique character and a very good mate.
But I must admit I do not envy his fate
because his life is going to get very much harder
Because dhamae's fashion sense is Gucci, Lacoste and Prada

I am surprised to see the little Brussel sprout sitting their today,
Because I like most wondered if he was gay,
But he had no choice when he met this lady from Sri Lanka,
And for taking him off our hands we all must thank her.

The future for them is bright, loud and clear,
Talented, beautiful children they are about to rear
But still I am envious James has such a wife
And to the bride and groom, I toast their new life

Please can we toast the bride and groom

To the bride and groom

(Applause and cheers)

Could you please chant my name ….Ben Ben Ben Ben