Speech by Benjamin Saward

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Benjamin Saward
Speech Date: oct 2004

Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen

I'd like to start by thanking Russell on behalf of the bridesmaids, Tammy, Leanne, Linda and Sarah for those kind words before dinner. I'm sure you'll all agree they look absolutely lovely today and can be accredited for Tracy's relaxed state I'm sure!
As for the happy couple, Tracy you look stunning and well Russell, you look stunned!

I'm Ben for those lucky enough not to know me, joint best man with Ken's son Mark! Mark, Russell and myself have been best mates since we were 5 years old, unfortunately Mark can't be here today, but I have a few stories to tell later that he emailed from Indonesia yesterday! (So Russ you get a double dose – sorry mate).

I said to Mark “How long should the speech go for” he responded “As long as it takes Russ to make love”. Thank you very much (go to sit down)!
Then Dad offered some advise and said “A best mans speech should be like a mini-skirt – short enough to grab everyone's attention but long enough to cover the essentials…!!
Having a soft spot for mini-skirts I took his advice so I will try and leave as much drinking time for myself as possible!

It was an honour to be asked at Russell's engagement party to be Best Man all of 7 years or so ago, yes 7 years engaged! Luckily he has the excuse that Tracy has kept him busy over these years, he has 3 beautiful children sitting over there that obvisously must get their looks from Tracy thankfully!
Russ told me if I did a good job of the speech he'd let me do it again at his next wedding….only joking Tracy!

As you can imagine myself, Russell and Mark were model students at school! Mrs Milburn our old Primary Principal can vouch for that, as well as Russell's mum who was a teacher at our primary school. I remember the time the 3 of us was in the principals office for doing nothing wrong of cause and Mark and myself starting laughing and couldn't stop, Russ knew how much trouble he'd be in with his Mum and somehow restrained himself! We were such great students that our grade 6 teacher wrote to our upcoming High School insisting we not be in the same classes together!

We took Indoor cricket to a new level in High School. In grade 9, the team went to a friends house before the game and drunk a whole box of cordial called Reisling, there is yet to be a game with as many run-outs, must have had something to do with falling over everytime we tried to run. Strangely enough the whole side was called to the principals office the next day and we had to get notes from our parents who were over the moon!

Russell's parents were kind or silly enough to have our grade 10 party at their house. Looking back now I think they just wanted to see which friends he should be banned from seeing! (Luckily I wasn't one)

College years involved a lot of drinking and partying. Some of the best times were had in Russell's garage listening to the band ‘The Dors’ and having a laugh at just about anything – still can't figure out what was funny with those cigarettes!

I remember many fights over food, we'd try and heat a pie up but would end up eating it half frozen so no-one else could steel it!

I recall one night drinking with Russ's Dad Dale, the 3 of us wrestled him to the ground and took his trousers and undies off! He couldn't get up and then Helen returned home to a sight that had us all in hysterics!

(Engagement Lamington Story)

Whenever the Wescombe's family hired a shack at Sisters Beach, they kindly invited me along and Russell, Mark and myself would go on all sorts of missions. When all of 16, Dale asked us to pick up the diving gear from Marks shack, Russ talked him into letting him drive the car as the gear was heavy. Mark asked Russ to drive him to the phone box and on the way for some reason the car started doing fish tales and we ended up taking out a sign and landed in a ditch – it was an interesting response we received when breaking the bad news to Dale – My ears are still ringing I think!

I can't forget to mention the great times also had with Russell's sisters Kim and Tracy! Whenever Tracy would come back from WA the bottle shops were alerted to stock up on Brown Brother Wine. I'm sure if Russell didn't have the guidance from his older sisters he would have turned out a lot worse than he is, then again (look at sisters) no they've been great! But we can't forget about Helen's mother Nin, sharing the Sunday roasts, she would often tell Russell off for little things and have us all in laughter! Many happy memories are with me from those days.

Living at different ends of the state means I cherish any chance I get to catch up and have a beer with Russ, the best thing is that Russell and the strength of our friendship will never ever change. I admire the life Russell has been able to create for himself and have emensly enjoyed the times of late spending time with his kids and his caring wife Tracy! You're a top bloke Russ, don't let it go to your head though.

Now Russ, the key to a happy marriage appears to be understanding women and how they communicate! So here's a few words Tracy may say and what they really mean.

If the word “Nothing” is uttered, this actually means “something” and you should be on your toes! “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down and backwards.

The statement “go adhead” seemingly means that at some point you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

The word “fine” is really the word that women use to end an argument when they feel that they are right and you need to shut up. Never use the word “fine” to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

So Russ, if you hear the works “nothing” “go ahead” and “fine” within a couple of minutes of each other, remember that you have two words to fall back on “yes (PAUSE) “dear”.

I was going to talk about Russell's Bucks night but under the advise of Russells lawyer I'm not allowed to speak until after the court case.

I have to say, I thought the service was very touching, in fact it was so emotional that even the cake is in tiers (only say if cake is in tiers).

Ladies and Gentleman there are two very important people here today, who we wouldn't be without, at some stage today we will be with them, sharing this special day. Will you stand and raise your glass to …THE BAR STAFF!

Seriously, on a more sincere note, if you could all raise your glasses…
Here's to love, laughter and happily ever after!
As Russell and Tracy start their new life
Let's toast to the new husband and wife
To Mr and Mrs Wescombe..… The bride and groom!