Speech by Bert Coates

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Bert Coates
Speech Date: 29/03/2013 17:01:54

Ladies and Gentleman,

It is with pleasure, and a certain amount of trepidation, that I have the honour of standing here today and responding to Richard's toast on behalf of the Bridesmaids; they truly do look lovely today. For those of you who don't know me already I'm Simon, Richard's favourite brother.

Several years ago I asked Richard to do me the honour of being my best man. He was somewhat less than impressed with manner in which he was asked; never one to be outdone Richard thought it only fitting to find a similarly odd way of making his request; over Facebook chat while I was in Afghanistan.

Terrified by the idea of having to write this speech, my first instinct was to switch off the computer and pretend I had never received the message, but after realising that I couldn't avoid all contact for 18 months I had to man up and accept the job.

Next came the panic of knowing that I would also have to plan the Stag Do. Those of you that know Richard will be well aware that he is not scared of a drink or two. Many times in his misspent youth I had to help him cover up drink induced mistakes; whether that is the missing fringe; the lack of eyebrows; the full face of make up; or the varnished nails.

Richard was born in Gibraltar, famous for its large rock face, southern Spanish location and Barbary Apes. Small, slightly tubby and hairy in all the wrong places Richard was soon growing into the fine figure of a man sat before you today.

Growing up, Richard was always extremely generous and very loyal. He is also good company and great fun. I know that as a friend no one could wish for better, and he will offer even more to Clare. When they first started going out together it was clear to see Rich was at his happiest; He was smitten like never before and made the choice to settle down with her. Clare moved into Richard's flat shortly afterwards and his time spent admiring the yard enabled him to set up a part-time scrap metal business from the empty beer cans that quickly piled up. 

I'm coming to the end of my official duties as best man, which on the one hand is a massive relief, but on the other hand is a real disappointment. Because I really don't think that I could ever feel quite as proud as I have done today, and felt so utterly terrified at the same time. However, I thank you both for allowing me to play a part in such a wonderful day.

Today is a day when each one of us wishes the happy couple well. Being human they will have their disagreements. Life being what it is there will be sad moments as well as glad. Yet I know that today we are all wishing them happiness and health in those years to come, and I am sure that the love between them will be strong enough to last forever. Here's to love, laughter, and happily ever after. As they start their new life, let's toast the new husband and wife. To Richard and Clare.