Speech by Big Al
It was a fabulous hot sunny day at Highcliffe Castle, for the marriage of Elise Brockhurst and Alan Hayter. And it was a tremendous honour to be asked to be one of Alan's Best Men. A special mention should go to Alan's son Chandler, as the other Best Man, who's starring moment in the speech I cocked up, but everything ended up fine in the end. What a fantastic day!!
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Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Big Al
Speech Date: 13/04/2013 09:42:05
Fornication…Sorry…For an occasion such as this I'd like to start by laying down a couple of rules. Firstly, no heckling please. And secondly, if you do have a mobile phone … please, leave it switched on; keep yourselves entertained. I think if you keep your spirits high and your expectations low, everyone will be happy!!
I have been informed to speak slowly and clearly due to the hard of hearing…and for those from Southampton! So this speech will now take twenty minutes instead of five!
I would like to, on behalf of the bridesmaids, thank Alan for those kind words and also pass on my personal thanks to the bridesmaids for a job well done in getting Ellie to the castle on time … I understand she put up hell of a fight.
When Alan had exhausted all other options and decided as a last resort to ask me to be his Best Man, I jumped at the chance; quite literally, out of my seat and almost out of the pub. No way was anyone getting me to stand up and make an unfunny speech in front of loads of people who I don't know, and even worse, in front of those I do! But there he was, down on one knee begging me to say yes, with those big puppy eyes, how could I say no! Now I know how Ellie felt on the day Alan popped the question.
When it came to writing this speech, I spent literally minutes surfing the internet for ideas and inspiration, the internet suggested that I ask friends and family about Alan, but nobody came up with any stories that could be repeated in front of the kids, or Ellie.
But a few people did describe him as “godlike”…he's rarely seen, he thinks he knows everything, he's always right, and if he does any housework or DIY…it's a bloody miracle!
Seriously, I don't think it inappropriate to say that meeting these two changed my life for ever…my liver, kidneys and bank balance will never be the same again.
Amongst other things, Alan has introduced me to late night drunken cross-country cycling, and a little known game called “spoof”, which seems to involve a large number of people holding some coins, shortly before I buy them all shots of Sambuca??
As I'm sure you all know, Alan & Ellie really enjoy a laugh, a drink (or four) and know how to have fun. We've had some fantastic times together and I really hope there will be many more in the future.
I'd like to say how sincerely pleased I am that you have tied the knot … I know I have told you before, but once more won't hurt … Alan you are the Best Friend anyone could wish for and I can't imagine a world where you and Ellie aren't together and blissfully happy … just look at them … their love seems so pure and simple… Ellie is so pure … and Alan is so simple!!
I have a few messages to read to from people who couldn't make it today:-
“Alan, we could have been so good together, I will miss our nights by the pool, lots of love … Michael Barrymore”
“Alan, drink and smoke all you want … I don't care … from Chopsey in Cardiff”
Finally, Alan … how lucky are you?? … You leave here today gaining a beautiful partner that is warm, loving, caring and funny, and who radiates kindness wherever she goes!! And Ellie … how lucky are you?? … You leave here today having gained a beautiful dress and some fabulous flowers!!
Ladies and Gentlemen, please be upstanding…
Raise your glasses…
To love…
To laughter…
To a happy ever after…
We give you…
The bride and groom!!
