Speech by Billy McClure

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Billy McClure
Speech Date: Nov 2001
Ladies and Gentleman my name is Billy and I have the honour of being Mark XXX Best Man. ( delivered loud and with confidence)

I once read that : Any man worthy of name is willing to make a fool of himself for the sake of a woman.

Ladies and Gentleman tonight I will prove to you all that XXX has
made the right choice in Mark, Since he has been making a fool of himself for nearly 30 years.

First of all why me , after all there has been a lot of competition for me to overcome to ensure that I can stand here today as Best man

Well the truth is that Mark has been DESPERATE for me to hang about with him
for years.

Infact I have known Mark for 15 years and in that time Mark has been there for me:

1. He was there when I failed 4 highers at school.
2. He was there when I lost my first job
3 And come to think of he was there on my Wedding day as well

Thinking about it.… He's no pal of mine HE's A BLODDY JINX.

Nevertheless Ladies and Gentleman it wouldn't be right of me to paint an unfair picture of Mark.

The job of the Best man is to translate a fair and balanced view of the man in front you through the words of the men who know him best.

For that reason we will now ask those of you who are particularly sensitive to the mention of:

1. Height , or lack of it.
2. Those of you who are follicular challenged
3. And those of you who have been prescribed drugs for any small problems you may have well this may be the time to make a move.

No , well here goes

When I was talking to our friend ………………… I asked him how a guy like wee Mark could become so successful within a such a short period of time.

Well it appears Mark is not only doing well in the UK, But as the song goes he's BIG IN JAPAN !!

Japanese Bosses have now discovered they have a Western employee they can quite literally talk down to.

During most presentations I would normally have a model which we could associate. Well our sponsors Toys R Us were happy to provide , such a model.

As you can see the model has long hair which "oh my god " is beautifully pulled back into a lovely little ponytail which even Helen from Big Brother would be proud of.

Oh, How things have changed I remember when Mark first mentioned that his he was going bald. I told him not to worry, there would be a beautiful women out there Warm , Loving and caring willing to take care of him And I am sure you will all agree he struck Gold today with …….…

Yes if anyone deserves a good husband its …….…

Mark Thank God you married her before she found one.

This is the point where I would like to become slightly more serious.

I am privileged to be called a friend of Mark's . He is a Sincere , Honest and Reliable man.

( wifes name ) I know he will bring stability to your marriage along with an ability to listen and compromise.

And if he doesn't you send him back up to us AND WE'LL SORT HIM OUT !!

I am genuinely over the moon along with everyone here that you have found each other and on a personal note if I can offer you 2 pieces of advice.:

1.No matter how far you are away you are never alone
2.Foreplay is always optional !!

Oh aye the Viagra, sorry small problem I was talking about/// ( FLING TABLETS TO MARK)

Another one of Marks failings is that he cant play football. Bloody hopeless , infact we tried him in every position and he still couldn,t get the hang of it.

So ( Wifes Name ) , promise me / no matter what position you play him in tonight Centre Forward, Left Back , Centre Midfield, Just Let Him Score !!

Finally a few Thank yous , first of all to ( Bridesmaid ) our Bridesmaid who without doubt lives up to har tag as "THE BEST LOOKING BRIDESMAID in …..… "

I have been told she has been a tremendous support to ( Wife ).
Marriage is a marathon not a sprint A compromise not a debate A groom is for life not just for Xmas.

Ladies and Gentleman

Can I ask you to stand , and in the time honoured fashion , raise your glasses to our hosts this afternoon

The Happy couple – Mr and Mrs …………………

I was told to be sincere , be brief and be seated!!

I've Been Billy …………..and Proud to be Mark ………….Best Man. ( Big Ending)

FINISH !!