Speech by Bob Gardner

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Bob Gardner
Speech Date: OCT 2003
Start of all speeches.…

Good Afternoon Ladies and gentlemen,

For those who don't know my name is Bob
It is my pleasure today to be not only the best man, but perform the role of toastmaster for the day. So firstly to get the golf ball of the tee, as this is a marriage made in golf, I have the great pleasure of introducing Brian, Jan's Brother.

A wonderful speech Brian, thank you.

And now the turn of the luckiest man here today, David or Matty (I will come on to the nickname latter) The Groom

Thanks for the kind words David

Fornication Ladies and Gentleman

“I'm terribly Sorry”

For an Occasion, Ladies and Gentlemen,

As happy and as joyous as this, I must say I feel incredibly honoured and proud to be David's best man. Although such have been the state of my nerves about making this speech that this is not the first time today that I've got up from a warm seat with some paper in my hand.

Let me start by saying thank you on behalf of the bridesmaids Dee and Jo , who as David quite rightly says, are looking radiant today.

Also, I have to say that Jan looked stunning today and David looked, well stunned really.

David I can only say that you have married a charming, beautiful, talented and exceptional woman. Jan you have married, well….David

I have to admit I know very little about Dave's childhood despite knowing him for so many years. In a brief chat with Dave's mother earlier, however, I managed to find out some interesting pieces of information

Believe it or not Dave did go to school, but it is fair to say he wasn't the sharpest pencil in the box
Dave was in a pizza hut restaurant one day when the waiter asked if he wanted his pizza cut into 4 or 8 pieces.…
He said…you better make it 4 because ill never manage 8

He thought Sheffield Wednesday was the day after Shrove Tuesday

He thought Alfred Hitchcock was a jockstrap

It's not all-bad…

To give you some idea what he was like at school I've managed to dig out one of Dave's old school reports…
It reads ‘David is an ideal pupil who excelled in all subjects”

However on closer inspection its clearly been doctored.
It actually reads

“ David is an idle pupil who should be expelled from most subjects”

Enough about his school days

I have known David for over 20 years, having met through work at Wilsdons in Solihull, I know a lot of you will call David Matty, I always assumed that this was short for Mattison, however I have photographic evidence here that Matty in fact comes from the Hair style David Sported at this time.

It was during those years at work that I realised working with David is
like working with God, you never see him and if he ever does any work it's a
bloody miracle!

It was also during this time that Dave discovered his passion in life ‘Golf’

Which is a good thing as this is, as we know through which, many years later he met and fell in love with Jan, also a golf devotee.

I unlike the pair of them am not blessed with the natural ability that they have when it comes to hitting a little ball around several acres of countryside. This being proven on the Stag day when I was awarded the booby price for most shots taken.
However I have on occasion asked Dave for a few pointers or tips in how to play the game. The only advise given by Dave was that it might be worth cutting 6 inches of the length of my clubs, thinking that I had been struggling all these years with the wrong equipment I asked Dave why.

He said that they would fit in the dustbin better.

This comment sums up the person that we all love and admire

Dave could be described as charming, intelligent, and entertaining.…

And perhaps one day he will be!

Dave is a man of hidden talents…

And as soon as I find one I will let you know!

You will all be familiar with the bizarre things that he often comes out with I've known him long enough now to realise when he's talking rubbish,
His lips are moving!

Dave also can be characterised in other ways, I am sure that we all here can recognise one or more

Turning up late…

Not turning up at all..…

Leaving everything until the last minute.…

Double booking appointments

However all of these things are a part of Dave's charm and are what endear him to all of us.

Jan you have married a charming, and loveable, full of life man who I am sure will cherish you forever .

David It has been a privilege to be your best man, I know that the friendship that Kathy and I have with you and Jan will continue over the coming years.

So if you could all raise your Glasses

Here's to love, laughter
and happily ever after.

As Dave and Jan start their new life,
Let's toast the new husband and wife!

To Mr & Mrs Mattison

The Bride and Groom