Speech by Brendon Ferguson

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Brendon Ferguson
Speech Date: Sep2003
Good Afternoon ladies and Gentlemen,

Firstly, on behalf of the bridesmaids I'd like to thank Matt for his kind words. I have to agree they look wonderful and have done an excellent job today and I'm sure you all agree, the Bride looks absolutley stunning…
Now my names Brendon and as i'm sure you've worked out I'm the best man, I'd firstly like to state what a genuine honor it is for me to stand up here as Matt's best man.

I appreciate I'm one of many equally suitable friends he could of chosen who will be envious of not having the chance to assassinate his character. But I know he looks upon me as the older brother he never had….and I look upon him as the younger brother I never wanted.

Now In preparing this speech I read that it's traditional for the best man to embarrass the groom, but I thought where's the challenge in that ? Matt manages to embarrass himself without any help from anyone.

So Here I am then stood up here with this great opportunity to reveal all, and when the subject of my speech cropped up on the stag doo, Matt said I could tell the truth about him as long as I restricted myself to the good things. Now because a one-minute speech would seem ridiculous, I've decided to ignore him.

We first met at school, when he used to wear Dr Martins, an oversized black holey jumper, a german army jacket along with a big oversized hair doo..… This was the fashion of the day for the school geeks…….Luckily he has come a long way since then, his new fashion fix is TK Max….where his favourite purchase is a bright green pair of Y-Fronts and I wouldn't be surprised if he's wearing them today.

As most of you will know Matt also goes by the nickname of the Buffalo but for those of you that don't know I'll tell you………..””The Buffallo” which was coined back in his early twenties,.… not because as you might be thinking, that he looks like the largest mammal found in north America,…… but rather his similar characteristics.… in particular the way he charges into things, combine this with his size, his extreme short-sightedness and ability to drink and you have a dangerous combination…and if you've ever seen him play football….you'll see exactly what I mean.…

Six years ago Matt went to a Love parade party in Leeds, Which I thought was mardi gras, I just thought it was another of his phases..… but as it turns out he met Lisa and from there, the relationship blossomed.
The happy couple first lived together in London before settling in Manchester, since then Matt's becoming more Northern but Lisa's developing a southern twang.… Matt of course did the honorable thing and proposed to Lisa in Rome…..but knowing Matt as I do I wouldn't be surprised if he was dressed as a gladiator after 8 pints.…

Very early in their relationship the Buffalo excelled himself by charging up to Manchester to see Lisa. After a few beers Matt finally get's to bed but then in the middle of the night, he's up and he's off…..presumably to the toilet… but then Lisa hears screams coming from her flatmates room….her flatmate….None other than Jo the bridesmaid….My Girlfriend !!! Looking to her left realising Matt is missing she rushes into Jo's room only to see Matt snuggling his way into Jo's bed.

Imagine Jo's shock and Lisa's anger at such an event, they had just witnessed Matt's favourite hobby….sleepwalking….Let's hope he gets the right room tonight……and if he doesn't lets hope his not wearing those bright green pants

But that was only the beginning…….Let's not forget the time he and Lisa went away, with matt having a few too many, he found himself wandaring the corridors of the Bed &amp Breakfast stark naked, another sleepwalking classic.…

….the same happened on a camping trip but this time he tried to force his way back into the wrong tent, imagine there shock being awoken in the middle of the night by a Buffalo charge.… but not as shocked as Matt when he awoke to realise there were only two tents on the whole campsite …Understandably they left very early that morning.…

Now Tradition dictates that as Best Man, I am supposed to stand here and pay tribute to the bridegroom. However, as this is the 21st century, I would like, to pay a little bit of attention to the bride…….I've come to know Lisa very well since she's been together with Matt and genuinely class her as a true friend, I've always said from the beginning they are perfect together….She is beautiful, intelligent, witty and caring……Matt couldn't ask for a better woman…..and if he did Lisa would kill him.

One thing is for certain – Lisa will never leave Matt. I mean, she has spent the last six years training him, so why waste it?

On a more serious note, Matt, we have had some excellent times together and I know that we will continue to do so in the future. You have been a great friend to me over the years and I know how happy Lisa makes you…it truly is a great honour to be your best man….so Thankyou.

Now this speech has been edited by Jo, so I apologise for the limited attack on Matt's character however if anyone would like to hear any stories about matt that were censored, and there are loads, then please feel free to buy me a drink at the bar.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to invite you all to stand….and raise your glasses in a toast to Matt and Lisa, the new Mr and Mrs Harris