Speech by Bryan Middleton

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Bryan Middleton
Speech Date: Jan 2002
Ladies and Gentlemen, on behalf of the bridesmaids I would like to thank Paul for his words and congratulate Suzette on being such a radiant bride. I'm only going to talk for a few minutes because of my throat, Suzette said she'd cut it if I'm here too long. For those of you who don't know everyone here my name is Bryan, this is Sarnia, Kylie and Jo. And this is Matt and Shaun. Before I begin with Paul's character assassination, I would like to thank the bridesmaids for performing their roles so well and continuing to look so good throughout the day.

To be honest, before Paul asked me to be best man there was a bit of a sweepstakes going amongst the boys on who would get the job, I guess I drew the short straw, but by putting Shaun, Matt and me up here he's managed to dramatically reduce the booze bill and eliminate three major crowd problems in one foul swoop. And for those of you who know Paul, this makes perfect sense.

Me and Paul go back a very long way, we first met back when my folks moved to Titahi Bay in 1976, and have stayed mates ever since. We were involved in all the usual antics of kids growing up by the beach, camps round the coast that ended in cold walks home at 2 in the morning, sleeping on the cold wet floor of a stinky boat shed and the usual life threatening rides down Bay Drive on Paul's yellow chopper. As we got older we traveled future to experience the cold and wet, that only those who have slept on Castlepoint beach in a howling southerly can truly appreciate.
And speaking of the cold, I still have nightmares about the rides to college on that back of Paul's black ute, “black bettie” as she was known by the boys. Being a two seat model if you weren't first to be picked up you had to ride on the back, being an older ute there was no protection from the wind, and Paul often found it necessary to take the scenic route home, just so the boys didn't forget who was driving. The ute played a role in many of the stories that the boys now tell time and time again, some of you will probably have to go through hearing them told tonight. Believe me when I say, I was there and I didn't do what they are going to tell you I did.

Paul's what I would call a rugged outdoors type guy. He's followed in his old mans footsteps and now fixes lights and stoves during the day and stands on the back of a green surf boat at nights and weekends, and from this angle it looks like he's following his old mans hair loss program as well.
But surf club is just one of the sports Paul could have chosen to follow. Although I have to say that the surf club has provided him with most of his clothes, which is really quite lucky as fashion has never been something he could quite come to grips with, to see him today is a bit of a revelation. So take a long hard look cause’ chances are you won't see it again.
But, back to his sporting life, I can remember playing all sorts of games with him on Whanake street. I don't quite have the eye hand coordination that Paul has, basically my hands, legs and eyes refuse to coordinate, he just seemed to be good at all the games, and if he wasn't he didn't play. He also seems to have natural abilities at most sports, bar one. And that is golf. He would have to be the single worst golfer I have ever seen approach the ball. For a guy that can run, jump, swim or hit better then most he just can't hit a golf ball. I think this is why he choose to end his rugby career, no modern professional rugby player could survive the touring without playing golf.

Paul's lucky in many ways because I can't stand up here and talk about the time's he got so drunk that he made an absolute arse of himself…he on the other hand could no doubt talk for quite some time on the numerous occasions that I have!. But as a group the boys often needed this sane influence and of course the sober driver that goes with it.… Although I must admit he was not looking the best after his 5th tequila slammer at his bachelor due, but that's a whole different story!!.

All these events and many since have helped mould a friendship that I'm sure will last no matter what either one of us does.

I have only known Suzette for about ten years, I got to know her after she meet Paul. Suzette had the pleasure of travelling with Louie and I everyday for a year to and from Varsity.
I knew she must a been a pretty tough lady when she turned up down here while the boys were on a eight day Sounds tour over the new years period a few years ago. Basically it was eight guys, a ton of booze on a boat cruising the sounds.

Suzette must have foreseen some sort of romantic getaway with Paul, but instead got a Gin night with the boys and a strip show from Louie.
The folk law goes that Paul proposed to Suzette on New Years morning while on that very trip, I guess the boys arriving back on the boat about 4 in the morning and wanting to drink more and have a feed made a special moment, even more so. How many people can say they spent the first night of their engagement cramped in a boat with eight drunk louts and associated hanger on's?

I think Suzette and Paul are going to make a fantastic married couple, and they both have a personal drive and charisma that will take them wherever they want to go, which if Paul has his way I'm sure will be Titahi Bay. I am sure I speak for all the wedding party when I thank you both for the honor of being here to share this special day with you and your families.

Before I finish I'd like to ask Paul and Suzette to participate in the speech a little. Some of the married men in the crowd have told me about the following example. Suzette if I can ask you to place your hand flat on the table…… Right Paul, if you would like to place your hand directly on top of Suzette's… Enjoying it?. Well, make the most of it, because it's the last time you'll have the upper hand.
And now for a few late telegrams that arrived today.
The first is from Paul's rugby team and reads: We've found Paul to be useless in every position. Hope Suzette has more luck. Congratulations.

The second is from Teresa and reads: Congratulations on your marriage. Sorry I couldn't be there. Please send a picture of the Bride and Groom mounted.

In all seriousness though, I'd like to say Paul, that had my Mum been alive today she would have been one of the proudest women here. I am extremely proud to have been your best man and I'm so pleased that you've found the women you want to spent the rest of your life with. I have no doubt that your love will be modern enough to survive the times and old fashioned enough to last forever.

Ladies and Gentlemen can I please ask you to stand and join me in a toast to the bride and groom……………………..the bride and groom.