Speech by Bryn Floyd

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Bryn Floyd
Speech Date: sep 2004
GOOD AFTERNOON LADIES AND GENTS, FOR THOSE THAT DON'T KNOW ME, MY NAME IS BRYN WOULDYOULIKEADRINK. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SAY HELLO AND CALL ME BY MY FULL NAME LATER ON.

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK RON AND GARETH ON BEHALF OF THE BRIDESMAIDS FOR THEIR KIND WORDS AND SUE WHO MADE THE FANTASTIC BRIDESMAID'S DRESSES, I'M SURE YOU WILL ALL AGREE THEY LOOK LOVELY TODAY.

BEFORE I START, GARETH AND LISA HAVE ASKED THAT FOR SAFETY REASONS AT THE END OF THIS SPEECH , YOU REFRAIN FROM GETTING UP ON THE TABLES AND CHAIRS, DURING MY STANDING OVATION!!… ….THANKS
IT'S A REAL HONOUR TO BE GARETHS BEST MAN – AS WELL AS NERVE-WRACKING BUT HE'S ASSURED ME , THAT IF I DO A GOOD JOB THEN I CAN BE BEST MAN AT HIS NEXT WEDDING…….!!

A WISE MAN ONCE TOLD ME THAT A BEST MAN'S SPEECH SHOULD LAST ONLY AS LONG AS IT TAKES THE GROOM TO MAKE LOVE TO HIS NEW WIFE………THANK YOU LADIES & GENTLEMEN – & GOOD AFTERNOON (SIT DOWN) (WAIT A SECOND & THEN CONTINUE)

AS FOR THE HAPPY COUPLE. LISA LOOKS ABSOLUTELY STUNNING TODAY. GARETH, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO.… THIRD PRIZE IN A RAFFLE. NO SERIOUSLY, YOU'VE SCRUBBED UP QUITE NICELY, THOUGH I AM NOT TOO PLEASED ABOUT YOU COPYING MY OUTFIT.

SPEAKING OF OUTFITS, I'D BEEN HOPING WE MIGHT WEAR KILTS FOR THE DAY BUT LISA WAS KEEN FOR GARETH TO WEAR A SUIT BECAUSE AS OF TOMORROW SHE'LL BE WEARING THE TROUSERS.

FORNICATION….SORRY …FOR AN OCCASION SUCH AS THIS I WAS TERRIFIED ABOUT MAKING A SPEECH….THAT WAS UNTIL I FOUND OUT ABOUT THE SORT OF THINGS THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY AS THE BEST MAN. I LEARNT THAT, UP THERE WITH THE IMPORTANT DUTIES OF REMEMBERING THE WEDDING RINGS AND GETTING THE HANDCUFFS OFF THE GROOM AT THE STAG NIGHT WAS A DUTY TO SPEND FIVE MINUTES AT THE RECEPTION DEMOLISHING GARETHS CHARACTER.
NOT ONE TO SHUN MY DUTIES I PREPARED A CHECKLIST FOR THE DAY .…

BRING A CHEQUEBOOK OR CREDIT CARD FOR ANY PAYMENTS THAT THE GROOM HAD FORGOTTEN TO MAKE, WHICH KNOWING GARETH WILL BE QUITE A FEW.

MAKE SURE HE GETS UP ON TIME, A VALID POINT CONSIDERING OUR “QUIET NIGHT IN” LAST NIGHT.

HELP HIM DRESS… NOW I'M SORRY BUT IF YOU CAN'T DO THAT AFTER 31 YEARS, ESPECIALLY WHEN SOBER! HE DIDN'T MANAGE IT TODAY – HE'S WEARING MY JACKET
(TAKE OFF JACKET & SHOW GARETH'S NAME)

ENSURE THE GROOM USES THE TOILET BEFORE THE SERVICE; WELL HE'D HAVE TO KICK ME OUT FIRST!

CHECK THAT HIS FACE AND HAIR ARE IN ORDER, THE TROUBLE BEING IF GOD DIDN'T PUT THEM IN ORDER THE FIRST TIME ROUND, WHAT CHANCE HAVE I GOT!

ENSURE THE GROOM TIES HIS SHOES, HAS NOTHING BETWEEN HIS TEETH, AND THAT HIS TROUSER FLY IS DONE UP!
NOW AT THIS POINT, I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK THAT MAYBE OUR MUM SHOULD'VE BEEN BEST MAN!
SO, IN APRIL 1972,

GARETH WAS BORN AT A VERY EARLY AGE, HE WAS SO SURPRISED BY HIS BIRTH, HE WAS SPEECHLESS FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF.

I ASKED ANN AND DAVID IF THEY HAD ANY CUTE PHOTOS OF GARETH THAT I COULD SHOW TODAY. THERE WAS ONE REALLY SWEET PHOTO OF HIM LYING NAKED ON A RUG IN FROUNT OF THE FIRE EATING A CHOCOLATE BISCUIT AND DRIBBLING…I WAS GOING TO HAVE IT BLOWN UP TO SHOW YOU TODAY, BUT THEN I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE TOO EMBARRASSING AS IT WAS ONLY TAKEN LAST XMAS.
AFTER SPEAKING WITH SOME OF GARETH'S FRIENDS I FOUND OUT THAT HE WAS A SLOW STARTER RIGHT FROM AN EARLY AGE. EVEN AT NURSERY YOU COULD SEE A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HIM AND THE OTHER 5-YEAR-OLDS…… HE WAS ELEVEN!!!
AT HIGH SCHOOL AS WELL , WHEN YOU ASKED HIS TEACHERS WHAT THEY THOUGHT HE WOULD BE WHEN HE LEFT THE USUAL REPLY WAS, “ABOUT 25…” !!
GARETH FOLLOWED HIS LOVE FOR MUSIC AND GOT A JOB WORKING FOR CRANES MUSIC, 26 NEW ST, WORCESTER, 01905 23023, DEALERS IN PIANOS, TECHNIC'S KEYBOARDS, NEW AND SECOND HAND… THANKS TO STEVE FOR THAT BIT OF THE SPEECH, PUT THE MONEY IN THE ENVELOPE AND SEE MET AT THE BAR LATER!
AND THIS IS WHERE GARETH AND LISA MET GARETH INTERVIEWED HER FOR A JOB AS A MUSIC TEACHER,
(SHOW FAKE APPLICATION FORM)
YOU CAN JUST IMAGINE THE INTERVIEW, NAME, ADDRESS, PHONE NUMBER,MARITAL STATUS-SINGLE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME FOR A SECOND INTERVIEW, I'LL PICK YOU UP AT 8.00PM! SHE GOT THE JOB. AND THE REST THEY SAY IS HISTORY…………TALK ABOUT TAKING YOUR WORK HOME WITH YOU.
I ASKED GARETHS WORKMATES WHAT HE WAS LIKE? THEY TOLD ME THAT
GARETH HAS ALWAYS BEEN KNOWN TO BE A HARD WORKER. IN FACT IN WORK HE GETS CALLED “GOD”……………
– NO-ONE EVER SEES HIM
– HE MAKES HIS OWN RULES
& ANY WORK HE DOES IS A BLOODY MIRACLE
APART FROM WORK GARETHS INTRESTS OVER THE YEARS HAVE BEEN VARIED,SPORTS LIKE GOLF, KICKBOXING, CARS, SAILING BUT ALL THIS CHANGED WHEN HE FELL IN LOVE WITH STELLA…
…ARTOIS
I RESERCHED THIS DAY IN HISTORY, TO SEE IF ANY FAMOUS WEDDINGS HAVE TAKEN PLACE…
IN 1543 HENRY VIII MARRIES HIS SIXTH AND FINAL WIFE, CATHERINE PARR

NICE TO KNOW YOUR IN GOOD COMPANY TODAY!

ACTUALLY, DURING THE SERVICE TODAY, I COULDN'T HELP THINKING THAT IT'S FUNNY HOW HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF. I MEAN 25 YEARS AGO RON AND SUE WERE SENDING LISA TO BED WITH A DUMMY…(PAUSE) AND IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN TODAY.

I HAVE SOME CARDS TO READ AT THIS POINT

THIS ONES FOR THE GARETH.

I LOVE YOU DEARLY,HOPE YOUV'VE HAD A FANTASTIC DAY, WE COULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD TOGETHER………MICHAEL BARRYMORE

GARETH AND LISA.… SEE YOU WHEN YOU GET HOME…TV LICENCING AUTHORITY
FROM THE HOTEL TRESTEVERI, LAKE GUARDA, ITALY
CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU BOTH ON THIS DAY. WE VERY MUCH LOOK FORWARD TO MAKING YOUR HONEYMOON A SPECIAL AND MEMORABLE ONE. PLEASE DO NOT WORRY IF THERE IS SOME DELAY WHEN YOU ARRIVE. WE ARE PUTTING SOMETHING ON FOR YOU………..THE ROOF.

BEFORE THE TOASTS IT'S CUSTOMARY TO GIVE THE BRIDE AND GROOM A FEW WORDS OF WISDOM;

GARETH …
THIS IS A PIECE OF ADVICE THAT MOST OF THE MARRIED MEN IN THIS ROOM WILL ALL HAVE LEARNT THEMSELVES, THE BEST WAY TO REMEMBER YOUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY……….… IS TO FORGET IT ONCE!
LISA…
LISA – YOU DESERVE A GOOD HUSBAND….… AND WE ARE ALL VERY PLEASED YOU HAVE MARRIED GARETH BEFORE YOU FOUND ONE

(GIVE PRESENTS…)

I JUST ALSO LIKE WISHING YOU ALL THE BEST FOR YOU FORTHCOMING HONEYMOON TO ITALY.…
GARETH THE HONEY MOON IF YOU'RE UNSURE IS THE TIME BETWEEN ‘I WILL’ AND ‘YES DEAR’

FINALLY ON BEHALF OF THE BRIDE AND GROOM, I'D LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE HERE FOR SHARING THEIR DAY, PARTICULARLY THOSE WHO HAVE TRAVELLED LONG DISTANCES AND THOUGH IT'S BEEN SAID BEFORE, IT NOW GIVES ME IMMENSE PLEASURE, TO INVITE YOU ALL TO STAND ONCE MORE AND RAISE YOUR GLASSES IN A TOAST FOR GARETH AND LISA, MR AND MRS FLOYD NO LESS. WE WISH THEM WELL FOR THE FUTURE AND HOPE THEY ENJOY A LONG, HAPPY AND FRUITFUL MARRIAGE.

GARETH AND LISA…