Speech by C Cookson

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: C Cookson
Speech Date: 25/11/2011 16:24:29

Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen If there is anybody here who is feeling worried, nervous or apprehensive, your either me (because I am) or you just married Chris Rosindale! 

We are here to celebrate a love match pure and simple, Becky is pure and well……………..Rozzi is simple. 

I hear public speaking is like going to a nudist beach………….the first couple of minutes are the hardest!!! 

I would like to start by reading a message from some people who unfortunately couldn't make it to today's event. 

“Chris good luck on your wedding day, you are sorely missed and we thank you for all your loving words, your undivided attention and your unbelievable generosity on that weekend. Lots of love from all the girls at Wildcats Lap Dancing Bar Prague”. 

Now Regarding the stag do toPrague, it was eventful and unfortunately I won't be telling any stories from there, mainly because the groom asked me not to mention anything about him being dressed up in a dominatrix outfit with massive fake boobs. But what I will say about it is, there was lots of drinking, a bit of a fight, people getting lost and a fair bit of crying. It's a bit embarrassing that all this happened before we checked in, especially a couple of the lads crying in the car park saying goodbye to their other halves! 

Now for those of you that don't know me, my name is Chris or I go by the nickname of Cookie, however the girls usually call me……………………….”Oy you in the bushes”. 

Next to me and sharing best man duties today is Owain Jones (or my sidekick as you may want to refer to him). Why does it take 2 people to describe the groom? Well as the man in Moss Bros said “There's a lot to fit in”. 

I would now just like to say a few thank you's: 

Firstly to the bridesmaids, who I'm sure everyone agrees look beautiful today and have done a great job making sure Becky was ready for the big day. 

I would also like to thank you all for coming and for the gifts that you have generously donated for the happy couple and for helping them celebrate this wonderful occasion. 

And finally to Becky who I must say looks stunning today and it's clear to see that Rozzi is batting well above his average. On a serious note though you only have to spend a short amount of time with him to realise how happy you make him and I wish you both all the best for the future. Going by the demands from Becky regarding what could go in my speech and the way she in which she told me, he has not a chance of winning an argument in married life and I can safely say this is probably the last time we will see Rozzi wearing the trousers. 

The first time I actually met Becky, Rozzi had taken me to a quiet pub to meet her, there in front of me appeared a little black dress and knee high leather boots………………………..I forget what Becky was wearing. 

Together I believe you make a fantastic couple and with Findley a fantastic family. A little story on Findley as it goes, when we went for the suit fitting we decided to grab a quick beer afterwards. I could see Findley was eyeing up my pint and he started dipping his straw in and taking bits, well this went on for a while and after half a pint it was starting to affect him and I think he was a little drunk, I could tell this because he punched me, he then started crying and trying to hug me, he then proceeded to fall asleep and finally had to be taken home early………………so Rozzi he is definitely yours!!! 

Now I've known Rozzi since he was a 12 year old lad and the best footballer in the school, he was tipped as the next Glen Hoddle, although the comparison was changed to Bobby Charlton a year later when his hair started to go. 

We've been close mates over the years. There's nothing I wouldn't do for Roz, and I know there is nothing he wouldn't do for me. In fact we spend our lives doing nothing for each other! 

As a group we are a close group of friends, and we like nothing more than celebrating each others special occasions. This was none more evident than on Rozzi's 14^th Birthday when in a PE lesson, when treated him to the age old tradition of birthday bumps. Usually this consists of a bruised arm and maybe a tear or 2 apart from the time it went a little too far and Rozzi ended up in hospital. Fortunately he was OK and the lads didn't get in too much trouble as they were labelled with the “boy's will be boy's tag” this was mainly because the PE teachers agreed he'd sort of had it coming, that and I'm sure someone mentioned Mr Rookes getting a few digs in himself. 

I was a little stuck on stories for Rozzi, so I had no other option than to ask around and look for help. I got the usual funny, but unrepeatable stories from the lads, I had a look on the web..… which just turned out to be a pleasant distraction from the speech, I asked his work colleagues……….… Who without exception said he was a first class banker, which I thought was strange as he's an estate agent………… although I could of miss heard them. 

I even asked his Mum and she told me he was a slow starter, she said at playschool he was different from all the other 5 year olds……………………..… he was 11. 

I don't think any best man speech about Rozzi would be complete without mentioning his CV, he went through a stage of never really sticking at jobs for more than 6 months at a time, and he has tried a wide and varied range of different career paths, he's so far been a milkman, a pro footballer, he came back to 6^th form, became a barman, worked in the co-op, worked in Morrisons, a landscape gardener, he went to uni, became a bookie, taught kids football, attempted to be a fireman, attempted to be a joiner, he worked in training he was a fudge packer, sorry sorry that's a typo that should read furniture packer, he has worked in 2 separate call centres…….… and is now on his 3rd estate agents. 

Never has the term Jack of all trades master of none, been so fitting!!! 

He has been an estates agent for a couple of years now and he started around the same time the housing market began to crash. He tells me this is purely coincidence and that his references from the National Banks of Greece andIrelandshow he does a decent job. He seems to enjoy it though, and rarely gives up the opportunity to talk business on his phone in front of you ”Is it a sizeable plot, how many inquiries about viewings have we had, they don't suspect were overcharging them do they”..… one day soon though Findley is going to be able to understand him, tell him he's talking rubbish and just hang up. 

Two things Rozzi is renowned for though, is his sloping off early from nights out, he'd easily beat Cinderella home by a couple of hours, and the other thing is that he's tight. 

He is so tight in fact that once he handed himself into the police station after breaking into a ten pound note. 

This tightness was proven in spectacular fashion recently at X and X engagement party. He rocked up with the standard minimum amount of cans and a bottle of wine. Becky had gone home to see to Findley and an hour or so later Rozzer had finished his beer and was on his way home, on the way out he made a slight diversion to the fridge and proceeded to sneak out a bottle of wine. He hid it under his jacket and tried to make his escape. Thankfully and fortunately he was apprehended and was publically shamed, I wasn't there at the time and I was gutted I wasn't, however I could tell how satisfying it was to the people who were there, by the number of texts and phone calls I got telling me what had happened, pure enjoyment in their voices! 

On a serious note he is a great lad and a great mate and I'm honoured he has asked me to be best man today, so cheers pal. 

Rozzi asked me to mention one thing and that's if you could all settle your bills for the food and wine before leaving the table. 

Anyway thanks for listening to my speech this afternoon ………and as I said to my girlfriend the first time we made love, THANKS FOR LAUGHING.