Speech by Candy Ribbons

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Candy Ribbons
Speech Date: Oct2004
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, are you all having a nice time. I am sure you'll agree with me what a lovely wedding and dont the bride and bridesmaids look stunning today .
Dont worry about vince, hes just stunned.

On behalf of the bridesmaids thankyou vince for your kind words.

And on behalf of vince id like to thank jo for turning up.

My main duty today is to introduce you to the groom telling you tales about his crazy adventures as a young man his run ins with the police the marathon sessions in the pub,
and then how his lovely bride has calmed and tamed what I can only describe as a wild young stud.

Its always been my ambition to stand in front of an audience and talk about someone's charm carisma and intellect.
That days yet to come, iam only here to talk about vince.

I have had the pleasure of knowing Vince for 30 odd years. He did have hair once but that was when he was a teenager.
Vince is a kind and thoughtful person with a great sense of whats right and wrong.

Afterall he is the one who named his cars……

Lester the Fiesta MR 2 and of course his first car shove it.
Whilst on the subject of cars as a teenager i think vince had a secret ambition of being a racing driver cos you would find him tearing round Gravesend with his arm out the window and the loud music, getting told off by the police

Holidays
weve had several boys holidays, we were real jet setters in our time. we went as far afield as Blackpool and Great Yarmouth even Cornwall.

I can remember a particular hotel we stayed in in great Yarmouth. it had a shared bathroom that come with peep holes in all the right places, well thats what vince told me.
weve been turned away from all the best places for being and all male party of 2
But over the years Vince has found new friends and on his stag night he managed an all male party of 3.

Vince went through an action man stage.
He was in the
Army cadets,
He's been skiing,
Played volleyball,
Karate,
windsurfed,
surfed ,
and got into photography (thats cars not girls).

Stag night

I got a call from Jo. “Can you help. Vince is really drunk.”
So my first question was
where is he?
hes asleep in the car.
wheres the car?
in the garage.
haha i thought,
leave him there then
So i went round to find Vince fast asleep in the car in the garage much the worse for wear. I struggled the lump out of the car, down the garden, and when we got to the bottom of the stairs, Vince turned to me and said these exact words“Big boy, big boy I am a big boy.”

So Jo thats must make you a lucky girl cos not only has Vince got a few quid hes well endowed (apparently).

I have also come to realise that over the years vince has some kind of water phobia.

Years ago I got into windsurfing and often asked Vince along. He is the only windsurfer I know that didn't get wet (and that wasn't because he was good). He would even run the length of the board and jump to the bank so he never even got hes feet wet.

While we are on the subject of water I can remember a trip to a theme park and after a ride on the water shute, Vince got a wet backside and I found him in the loo in
a quite compromising position drying his backside with a hand dryer.

A wild night out for vince consisted of a trip down to our local bingo hall getting drunk (like you do at bingo)
and then showing himself up on the way home and mooning to passing traffic.
You Animal.
I might add that Jo was with vince that night but vince just felt the need to show Jo hes manly animal side.

But Jo has calmed him right down now.
I only have to look at you vince to see how happy you are. you have your two lovely boys Thomas and Robert.
your into much gentler hobbies now such as Golf and attempting DIY.

As is customary i would like to share with the groom some words of wisdom.

Vince did you know that there are three rings of marriage:

The engagement ring,
The wedding ring,
And now the suffering.

Never go to bed on an argument
You stay up and fight.

Vince my last advice is never forget the three special words
You're Right Jo

Vince, its been an honour to be your best man today.
You have been a great friend
and I have found a great friend in you Jo.

If everybody would like to stand and join me now for a toast

Vince and Jo

thats it thankyou.