Speech by Carl Buck

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Carl Buck
Speech Date: oct 2003
Well Justin, I hope you made the most of your speech.. now you're a married man that'll be the last time you get to speak for 3 minutes without being interrupted!

Good afternoon Boys and Girls. For those of you that don't know me, my name's Carl, and I've had the privilege of being Justin's best man. I hope you've all enjoyed the day so for, and I think you'll all agree.. at the church today the bride looked absolutely stunning!

( pause for applause )

The groom looked absolutely stunned.

You can't deny it's been an emotional day though.. even the cake's in tiers!

Firstly, on behalf of the bridesmaids, I'd like to thank Justin for his kind words- they were very much appreciated. They also said, Justin, that you look very different sober!

Now this is only going to be a short speech because of my throat.. If I go on too long Naranda's threatened to cut it!

You know, it's been said that being asked to be best man is like being asked to make love to Camilla Parker Bowles.. It's a great honour but you don't really want to do it!

But here I am, and I think you'll agree that my first job, of getting this man to the church, on time and sober, was a complete success! Now it's time for my second job, the speech, and this is the bit I've REALLY been looking forward to!!

Well, what can I tell you about the groom? I've know him for about 10 years, he's
Handsome,
Intelligent,
Witty,
Charismatic..

Sorry, wrong wedding.

Justin was born on June 26th 1976. Now I don't know whether this is a coincidence or not, but 2 weeks after he was born Family Planning was made available free on the NHS!!

Looking at him now you may not believe this, but Justin was not a pretty baby.. In fact, he was the only baby in Leicester to have shutters on his pram!

You know, Sue didn't get morning sickness until AFTER he was born!

He was also a slow starter. At Playschool Justin was different from all the other 5 year olds.. He was 11!

By the time he was 14, his parents were getting very concerned about his performance at school – He wasn't just falling behind, he was getting lapped!

Friends used to ask Sue and Bob what they thought Justin would be when he left school..The usual reply was " Oh, about 35 "!

But Justin did eventually leave school, to the great sadness of his teachers, and fulfilled his lifetime ambition of Joining the Navy – A job which not only gives him the chance to see lots of different countries, but also to get blind drunk in them!

Yes, if you didn't know it already – Justin likes the odd shandy or 2!

In fact, and most of you probably don't know this, but Justin is actually a talented amateur magician! He can be walking down a street and just turn into a pub!

He has made an honest attempt to cut back on his drinking to get into shape for today though, and personally I think he's succeeded!..Well round is a shape isn't it?!

However, it was one night when Justin was out drinking with his friends that he met the love of his life.. Naranda.

You know, Naranda tells me the first time she set eyes on Justin, she thought he was handsome from afar.. Now she just thinks he's far from handsome!

But nevertheless, she fell for his boyish charms, and actually discovered that they share the same sense of humour!..

..Naranda, you have to share it, Justin hasn't got one of his own!

In all seriousness though Justin, you've been a brilliant friend to me over the years. It's been an honour to be your best man today, and with all my heart I hope you two have a long and happy marriage!

You're a lucky man. Naranda's a beautiful girl with a heart of gold, and she deserves a good husband.. Thank God you married her before she found one!

Now I'm not married myself, but I'm sure the right girl for me is just round the corner.. Unless the police have moved her on since last night!

But even so, just before I make the Toast, I do have a few words of wisdom for the happy couple:-

NARANDA – Treat Justin like a dog! 3 meals a day, plenty of affection.. and make sure you send him into the garden for a wee before bedtime! ( NB. This was mentioned due to the fact he wet himself on his stag night! )

JUSTIN:- Never get complacent. Look out for those tell-tale signs that there may be something wrong in your relationship.. You know, like the milkman wearing your socks!

Also remember those 3 little words that are the key to a long and happy marriage… ‘You're right love’!

Now, as a man that will drink to absolutely anything, it gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to be upstanding, raise you glasses and join me in a toast to Naranda and Justin, because I think they were made for each other.

Toast

May your love be modern enough to survive the times, but old fashioned enough to last forever.

I'm sure you're going to be happy together, and I speak for everybody here when I say I wish you both the very very best for your future life together.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the new Mr and Mrs A*****, Justin and Naranda!