Speech by Carl Kohut

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Carl Kohut
Speech Date: Feb2007
Good afternoon everyone and thanks for coming to this special occasion – Thanks especially to Darren &amp Lilly for attending, it wouldn't have been the same without you.

Well I have to say that I am really nervous about making this speech. In fact this is the fifth time today that I have got off a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand.

For those who don't know me by the way, my name is Carl ‘what are you drinking’.
If I see you at the bar later, please say hello – but I insist you call me by my full name.

Today has been a day of firsts – It's the first time I've had the honour of being a best man, first time Darren hasn't got his clothes from Burtons and best of all it's the first time I've got a free dinner out of him.

On behalf of the bridesmaids I'd like to thank Darren for his kind words. I am sure everyone will agree that they have done a fantastic job and how beautiful they both look.

As Darren's older brother, I would just like to recount a few of my memories of him:

Darren was born at a very early age on the 12th of June 1981, he was so surprised by his birth he was speechless for the first year and a half…
Now, I am not saying he was an ugly child but we used to have to put a bone round his neck so the dog would play with him. Only joking!

I don't remember much about Darren at School so I asked our Mum what he was like, and she told me he was an ideal student, who excelled in most subjects…..sorry I think that's supposed to be an idle student who was expelled from most subjects.
The head teacher from his School said and I quote “I am convinced that Darren will go far, and the further he is away from here the better…..”

He did however excel at Craft &amp Design where amongst other things he constructed an ornate wooden box with a green felt lining and padlock to keep his ‘special’ magazines in – this may still be in use to this day and will probably be passed down the line as a family heirloom.

In his younger days he decided to get himself some weights to buff up and impress the ladies so he pops on the bus to Argos to buy a set of bodybuilding weights not realising that they would actually be heavy – you would have thought the clue was in the name.… weights!
Somehow he managed to haul them onto the BUS and get off at the bus stop which is a 2 minutes walk from our house.
The next thing we knew, a taxi arrived outside with a very sheepish looking Darren and a huge set of Argos weights – he had booked the shortest taxi ride ever.

Darren has proved to be a keen fan of DIY – like the time he had the great idea of buying a flat packed metal shed.
I had a phone call from a distressed Darren who had unpacked what must have been about 1000 individual parts.
I arrived to find him stood with his head in his hands and around &#188 tonne of shed parts littering his front lawn and driveway.
It took Lilly &amp Myself hours to put the shed together whilst in the meantime Darren had disappeared off inside and left us to it he makes a great project manager and a pretty good cup of tea.

I do have to recommend his services as a garden fence constructor though as my parents will testify – the Berlin wall had nothing compared to the fence he put in for them. It's still standing for a start.

One thing I have learnt is that Darren and electricity don't mix: I received a phone call on only the second day he and Lilly had been in their new house.
He had managed to plunge the place into darkness having had the ‘bright idea’ of trying to rig up some fancy new lights himself.
Darren, remember that it isn't a good idea to connect all the reds and blacks together and sparks aren't there to liven the place up!

At this point, I was going to mention some of Darren's ex-girlfriends, as is traditional in a Best Man's speech. Fortunately though, due to the Foot and Mouth outbreak most of the 4 legged ones were unable to make it.

But then Darren and Lilly's eyes met over a conveyer belt of Thorntons continentals nearly 10 years ago and the rest as they say is history.
And today Lilly has finally got him down the aisle – too many rum truffles methinks!

On a more serious note though, Darren is a fantastic person to know and an even better person to have as a brother and I am proud to be his best man today.

Now, before I propose a toast, I would like to pass on a few words of wisdom:

Darren, just remember it only takes a couple of words mumbled in chapel and you're married. But it only takes a couple of words mumbled in your SLEEP and you're divorced!

Lilly, men are like fine wine, they start out like grapes and it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they mature into something that you would like to have dinner with.

So, please everyone join me in toasting the happy couple:-

&quotMay for better or worse….be far better than worse&quot

THE BRIDE AND GROOM