Speech by Carlos Capiro

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Carlos Capiro
Speech Date: 18/06/2012 23:33:08

Ladies and gentleman, thank you very much and good afternoon. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Carlos Capiro and I am fulfilling the role of Justin's best man since Batman regrettably had a prior engagement today and could not make it this evening. ‘Crime never takes the day off’ was his excuse…Who am I to argue with the Dark Knight?

It's a wonderful honour to stand before a room full of interesting, attentive people and talk in tribute to a man of high achievement, flawless integrity, piercing intellect and impeccable wit…and if I ever get that opportunity, I'll be sure to make the most of it.

At this point in the assassination…I mean speech…I must point out about 10 minutes before we started, Jessica gave me a list of DO's and DONT's that she would like me to adhere to…

First, DONT mention any ex-girlfriends [THROW AWAY ONE CARD]

Second, DONT swear [THROW AWAY ONE CARD]

Third, DONT tell any rude jokes [THROW AWAY ONE CARD]

Fourth, DONT tell any lies [THROW AWAY ONE CARD]

Fifth, DO tell positive stories about Justin [THROW AWAY THREE CARDS]

Now I'm sure you'll all agree that Jessica looks absolutely stunning today…so I can safely say, speaking for all the men in the room, that it's a very, very sad day, because another beautiful, intelligent women is officially off the market…

And Justin I think I can speak for all the girls in the room also…when I say that today is just another ordinary day…

Now as best man I have but a few duties. My primary goal was to get Justin here:

– ON TIME

– SOBER…and…

– LOOKING GOOD

Well two out of three ain't bad…I'm the best man not a plastic surgeon!

As a best man, I am supposed to sing Justin's praises and tell you how great he is…but I can't sing…and I won't lie!

Now seriously folks, Justin has been preparing for this event with Jessica  since he was 16 years old. I know this because he, unlike most men our age opened up a special bank account to be able to buy a ring so he would be able to the pop the question at a moment's notice. Who would have thought that moment would last 12 years long?! But I bet I speak for all of us when we say that we all are very happy that Justin ended up with his girl of his dreams!

And now finally some words of advice:

Firstly, Jessica, can you put your hand on the table. Justin can you place your hand on top on hers. Now that you are married this will be the last time that you will have the upper hand.

Someone once said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership, but anyone who believes that clearly knows nothing about women or fractions.

Before I offer a toast to Justin and Jessica, I'd like to leave you with one thought: You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry someone you can't live without. In this case, these two really have married the right person.

To the bride and groom.