Speech by Charlie

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Charlie
Speech Date: 31/07/2013 08:57:23

Hello everyone

Firstly as there are small children present Carly asked me to keep it clean and brief so reluctantly I agreed that if there was anything of sexual nature, especially anything of huge length, I would whip it out immediately.

Firstly before I begin on Stu I have to say to the bridesmaid Jenna and to Carol and Sheena you all look wonderful and have done an excellent job. To Chloe and Abbie our little god daughters, who I love dearly you both look beautiful. Indeed they are only eclipsed by Carly herself, who, I'm sure you will all agree looks absolutely stunning. Stu, as always just looks stunned!

For those who don't know me my names Charlie, as Stu's best man, It was my job to get him here:

On Time                        

Sober

Looking good

You might say 1 out of 3’s pretty poor; but I work in IT, I'm not a plastic surgeon or a AA counsellor

It also has to said that underneath that suit Stu is the hairiest man I know, so we'd like to express our thanks to the staff at Twycross Zoo for their efforts in getting Stu ready for today.

I've know Stu for a very long time, I first met Stu when he moved from the back of beyond otherwise known as Stamford, to a bedsit my friend shared in Lincoln.

I'm not sure what I liked about him initially, was it the half full Ice cream tub on his window ledge that was six months old, the toes sticking out the end of his socks or the bed a homeless man wouldn't sleep in.

It's far to say before Stu met Carly, you wouldn't exactly call him Brad Pitt, more like armpit.

It's also fair to say Stu used to be a rum lad, to the point he once threw a house party while his parents were on holiday. The house party in question got out of control and the house got wrecked. In an attempt to avoid his father, Stu didn't just hide in his bedroom or at a mate's house, oh no, not Stu, Stu hid in Wales!

It wasn't just the house that got wrecked, the dog couldn't walk for two days!

I've also picked him up from a few scrapes most notably piling his entire worldly possessions into a Peugeot 206 in a moment's notice (no mean feat I might add) to escape a landlord.

His other love is Aston Villa, you may have noticed It's an Aston Villa theme today, which is nice, Villa have gotta have their day every now and again.

Carly, I understand from your family you were always a well behaved, patient and caring person right from a baby, you are going to need every one of those qualities again now.

It's funny how history repeats itself 30 years ago you were going to bed with a dummy and tonight so you doing it again.

As best man I've also been asked to read out a couple messages from people who can't make it…

Dear Stu and Carly we are very sorry we can't make to celebrate this day with you, we wish you both a long and happy marriage. Dave, Adele, Ashleigh and Sophie.

Dear Carly I wish you and Stu all the best on your wedding day but will never forget the love we had had for each other, all the best Ryan Gosling

Oh and this one's from Stu's boss Darren since he didn't seem to get an invite to the day do?? Anyway it's also to Carly, it says, at work Stu is hungry for promotion, but I've tried Stu in every position and found him to be equally useless in all of them. Hope you have better luck..!’

After hearing all this and looking at that innocent face, you must be thinking the man standing before you now isn't the same man I met all those years ago, he's not, he's twice the man.

It needs noting Stu that the people in this room especially your beautiful children, will judge you on the man you are and the man you will become and not the man you have been.

So into married life you go, I‘ve written a little poem that I think describes your marriage

Getting married means you'll have Carly's hand to hold, Even when you're feeling sick, When Villa's stars are sold.

It means that when come home from work, Your family will be there, They can listen to your day and trim your nasal hair.

Your family are your solid rock from which you built your home With Carly's heart and tolerance of farts You have no need to roam

Your family is a precious thing Your daughters and your wife Your choice to marry was freely made And solid for all your life

Lastly it remains to be said, there is an old saying that goes “your best friends are the brothers and sisters that God forgot to give you” so with that being said, I'd like to say to Stu I'm very proud today to be your best man, I can assure there is no one happier than me to see you marry the girl of your dreams today.

I speak for everyone here when I genuinely wish you both every happiness in the future, got knows you and your children deserve it.

My final duty before I hit the bar is to propose a toast

Ladies and Gentlemen please be upstanding and raise your glasses to love, laughter and happy ever after, I give you the bride and groom