Speech by Chris B.

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Chris B.
Speech Date: 11/11/2015 18:54:50

SECTION: INTRODUCTION

NOTE: THANK MICHAEL (GROOM) AND GEORGE (FATHER OF THE BRIDE) FOR THEIR SPEECHES AND PLAY DOWN MINE IF THEY HAVE MENTIONED IT

So…afternoon everybody, for those of you that don't know me, I'm Chris and I have the pleasure of being Michael's best man for today.

My understanding is that the best man's speech is supposed to be a great opportunity in which the best man can embarrass the groom and tell a few jokes about some of the situations he's found himself in over the years…..

However having asked all of Michael's friends for some stories about him, everything they gave me unfortunately just isn't appropriate for such a wonderful occasion such as this….

So….Michael will certainly be pleased but I've taken the decision to be quite kind to him with my speech today.

SECTION: HOW DO YOU KNOW THE GROOM?

Right, how do I know Michael? Although we did both go to the same school, it wasn't until towards the end of school that Michael and I became quite good friends, it all started as we began partaking in a little bit of underage drinking every Friday night in what was at the time the Man in Space Pub…..

This followed by numerous pints and discussions over the years about the issues of the day and from there our friendship blossomed.

After school we went on to the same College, and then even to the same University in Manchester, played for the same football teams and now he even lives just around the corner from me and now I'm his best man…to be honest no matter how hard I try I just can't get away from the guy. Of course I am only joking…I've actually given up trying!

SECTION: TALK ABOUT THE GROOM

I'm sure for those of you that know Michael, you would probably describe him as young, confident, charming, somebody that likes a drink of beer and somebody who can be a bit of a party animal.

For those that don't know Michael…myself and the fellow attendees on his stag do to Budapest a few weeks ago can all confirm he's officially turned into “A BORING OLD FART”.

So much in fact that as soon as we got back I made the effort to write off to Guinness and see if I could get Michael entered into the next edition of the Guinness Book of Records and amazingly they have actually written back to me with a response. Although he doesn't know it, Michael is now the proud owner of a world record. He now has the record for the most amount of beer left over by the groom on his own stag do. This is also known as Shelving.

Literally every drink we brought him he left half of it, and he even suggested we stop in on the 2nd night.

I've actually got Michael's record certificate with me so would just like to present it to him, there you go mate well done.

To be fair to Michael he did actually get back on it on the last day. And he showed us just how much he can enjoy himself, and how young and manly he can actually be, as we did what all lads do on a stag do….we went to the outdoor thermal spa baths. If anybody hasn't been, although he was reluctant to go at first, Michael would definitely recommend it.

So I'm sure Georgia will find out if she hasn't already done so, that in Michael that she has actually married a 60 year old man that must just use a really good moisturiser. Further evidence of this is the fact that he wore his blue old man cardigan for the entire weekend in Budapest. I'm actually quite surprised that he's not insisted on wearing his cardigan for the big day today.

Following on from school and whilst studying at College and at Uni, Michael developed a keen interest, as you may know, in selling wood flooring. Over the last decade or so up until recently Michael has worked at Floors-To-Go and I can confirm, being the charmer that he is, he could literally if he had to sell Ice to Eskimos, and definitely wouldn't feel guilty in doing so.

I would dread to think of how many poor souls over Nottinghamshire, Derbyshire and Leicestershire have had a quick nip down to Floors-To-Go to get a few prices for some wood floor, and ended up coming home having had to re-mortgage their house so Michael can earn a bit of extra commission at the end of the month.

I definitely feel sorry for anybody he serves in his new job working for Sytner selling Mini's.

Michael has always been known to be a bit of a sweet talker, he must be for Georgia to have put up with him this long.

You won't be surprised that before meeting Georgia, Michael was never scared to go and try the odd chat up line whilst on a night out, and even more the odd dance move.

Michael has always thought of himself as a Tony Manero sort of character from the film Saturday Night Fever, with the confidence and flare of a Lieutenant Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell from the film Top Gun, and you could always tell he thought this as he used to strut his stuff on the dance floor.

Unfortunately all this did for his friends was give them the view that he's actually more of a Napoloen Dynamite sort of dancer, and when it comes to Top Gun more Goose than Maverick, but we've never really said anything to him directly as we didn't want to put an end to his awesome dance moves. I'm hoping to we will get to see some more dance moves later on.

Anyway…going back to the chat up lines…

Although I can't remember all of them, one line that springs to mind is whilst on holiday in Zante back when we were all 18.

Our apartment shared a balcony with some girls in the apartment next door, and at the end of one night Michael got talking to one of them on the balcony, as young 18 year old lads do after talking absolute drivel to her for about 10-20 minutes, with us being able to hear every word, he finally plucked up the courage to ask that all important question and go in for the kill.

So, we heard him say in a soft and gentle voice, and I'm being serious “Can I have my dreamboat kiss?” the girl clearly thought what has this guy been drinking and straight away said “You what?”

Michael being Michael as smooth as ever simply reworded his phrase and said “Er, can I have a kiss?”.

There are plenty more but I don't want to talk all night.

Anyway, I think that's probably plenty about Michael for now.

SECTION: TALK ABOUT THE HAPPY COUPLE [THE COMPLIMENTARY PART]

So….it's always customary to say a few kind words about the happy couple.

Firstly, I'd just like to thank Michael and Georgia, for a lovely day so far and how much of a pleasure it has been being the best man. As Michael and George have already said days like today take considerable planning and a great job has been achieved by all those involved, so well done.

I can remember back to the time when Michael and Georgia started “going out”, or as Michael would probably say with his blue cardigan on, when they started “Courting”.

They met one night as Michael was out drinking up Ilkeston with his friends that he met the love of his life….Georgia.

I've spoken to Georgia about the night that they met and she tells me the first time she set eyes on Michael she thought that he looked very handsome from afar, now she just thinks he's far from Handsome, but I'm sure he'll be fine.

I can honestly say that when he met Georgia, it was the best thing that has ever happened to Michael. I think, and I say this in a completely sincere way and not out of turn, it enabled him to realise that there's more to life than Fifa, Xbox, Playstation….oh looking at Georgia I'm not sure she agrees.

Seriously though it was clearly evident that he'd met that special someone in Georgia, and he has shown that by marrying his wonderful bride here today.

SECTION: TALK ABOUT THE BRIDE (COMPLIMENT)

It's already been said, but I'll say it again anyway, that Georgia looks lovely in her dress on her big day.

As for Michael…he looks okay I suppose, although for the record it was him that wanted the pink cravats.

I don't want to ramble on any more than is necessary so I'll cut to the chase, I can see on everybody's faces how hungry they are.

I genuinely think that Michael and Georgia are a perfect couple and suit each other right down to the ground, I'm confident that they will be extremely happy as they look to conquer married life together.

SECTION: WRAP UP (MAYBE WITH SOME ADVICE)

Now I don't have any corny lines to some their relationship up….but I do have a bit of advice for the newly married couple;

▪ Firstly for Georgia. Georgia, unbelievably up until now in my speech I haven't mentioned the time that Michael got ridiculously drunk and stayed at my house and in the middle of the night decided to totally disregard the bathroom and take a leek all over my bedroom door, wall, carpet. So when he goes out just make sure there is something near the bed that he can use should he not find his way to the toilet and you will be fine.

▪ Secondly for Michael, or as I like to refer to him Henson, so Henson, and I'm sure every bloke in here will agree, just remember that no matter what you say or do, no matter what the situation is or what has occurred, no matter what you think is right or what is wrong, whatever you do, Georgia will always be right. Remember that and you'll go very far.

SECTION: RAISE A TOAST TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM

So…that's pretty much it from me, all I have left to do is invite you all to raise your glasses; in a toast to the bride and groom.

To Michael and Georgia

Wishing them well for the future, and hoping they enjoy a long and happy marriage.