Speech by Chris Barber

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Chris Barber
Speech Date: Sep 2001
Before I start, I believe Jim is running a sweep on the length of my speech… so if you can put me down for about 82 minutes Jimbo..,!

Seriously though I'd like to start traditionally and thank Chris on behalf of the bridesmaids for his kind words. I have to say they look absolutely wonderful and have done a great job today. I'd also like to thank everyone here on behalf of the bride and groom, for sharing their wedding day, particularly those who have travelled long distances, which I know many of you have.

When Chris asked me to be his best man he offered me ten pounds. I told him I couldn't be bought. Then he offered me twenty pounds, and I said, ‘Do you really think I'm cheap?’ Then he offered me twenty-five pounds… So good afternoon ladies and gentleman, my name's Chris & I'm the Best man!

After Chris had asked me to help out, I had to go and find out about the wedding format and speeches and things. Not that easy in just 10 days! Anyway, I duly bought a book and discovered there are 3 key elements to the wedding service –
The Aisle – the longest walk you'll ever take
The Altar – the place where 2 become 1
The Hymn – the celebration of marriage
I have a feeling though that Lisa has been reading the same book, I'm sure I heard her muttering ‘I'll alter him’, ‘I'll alter him’ this morning!!!

I was also surprised to find out there's actually 3 rings in a marriage – first the engagement ring, followed by the wedding ring and finally comes the suffering!!!

We are, ladies and gentleman, rather lucky to be here today. This is of course the Rose & Crown, Lenton's No 1, where I first met Chris a couple of years ago. At the time I was the resident DJ here and Chris was a well-lubricated regular with a passion for Guns'N’Roses after closing time! Things didn't stay the same for long though… It wasn't long before we actually got escorted off the premises by armed police and barred. However, for those of you who know Chris you'll know he always has to do things one step better than anyone else. Not satisfied with being barred, he returned whilst the then Landlady was away and promptly managed to get barred again by the relief manager! So I think you'll agree it's quite a miracle Kate has actually allowed us back here for today! Whilst I'm on the subject of Kate, I'd like to thank her and all the staff here at the Rose & Crown for a fantastic buffet this afternoon.

I have only known Chris for a couple of years, but I'm told his schooldays weren't much to write home about. Apparently they nicknamed him God – not so much for his holier-than-thou attitude, but rather because it was a minor miracle every time he turned up!!! I'm also told he never made the football team as he was useless in every position – but I'm guessing by the smile on Lisa's face times may have changed!
Moving swiftly on to the happy couple. Their eyes met across the smoky dance-floor of McClusky's nightclub here in Nottingham. I don't know how much they'd had to drink that night but it doesn't seem to have worn off yet. Chris knows for sure that it was the luckiest night of his life when he met Lisa. I'm sure you'll agree with me that she looks absolutely stunning today. Chris you are indeed a lucky man, Lisa's smart, funny, warm, loving and caring and deserves a good husband – so thank god you married her before she found one!
Seriously though I'd like to thank both Chris & Lisa for being great friends. There are not many best men who can describe the bride, as well as the groom, as a true friend, but I'm lucky in that I can do exactly that.

Before we move to the toasts, it's customary for the best man to give a few words of wisdom. Not being married myself, I tried to speak to a few happily married couples for some advice, but such things proved impossible to find! So a few people offered this advice…

The key to a good marriage is listening:
– In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
– By the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
– Then by the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBOURS listen.

Marriage in this day and age is far from easy. With all the external pressures of day to day life you will need to grow together in mutual trust and understanding whilst not forgetting what first brought you together. In other words, may your love be modern enough to survive the times; yet old-fashioned enough to last forever.

Chris, Lisa… It has been a privilege and an honour to be your best man today. I take this opportunity of wishing you every happiness together.

Ladies and gentleman, I would ask you to be upstanding and raise your glasses. A toast, to the new Mr & Mrs Brough, to Chris & Lisa.