Speech by Chris Buxton

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Chris Buxton
Speech Date: Apr 2001
Hello everybody
For those who don't know me I'm Chris Buxton … The best man-.. literally!!.…
And I'd like to give my speech as my singing this morning …without any notes.

Firstly I'd like to thank Mike and Sarah, Mary and Charlie, Linda and John for the wonderful meal and doing an amazing job today. I'd like to thank the bridesmaids for helping and looking so good on the photos. and the pageboy Cameron for not picking his nose.
I would like to say that Sarah looks absolutely fantastic today… one in a million.… And Mike you look like you always do.. won in a raffle.

I'd like to start from the beginning. As some of you may know Mike was born on this very day in 1972,
So happy birthday Mike..
I did try to link this date with some massive world event, …but it seems nothing else happened that day.
So moving swiftly on…

Mike was in the year above me at school and we first met when I was about 15, at that time I thought he was a complete freak! . .. people say first impressions and all that — and it's so true.

I instantly loved Mike's astute inane observations, and persistent techno-bable.
And the fact He didn't take any abuse from anybody despite his less than modest frame.

Of course Michael excelled at sports especially cross-country, the whole school would turn out to watch his particular brand of energy saving run/shuffle.

For his 18th Birthday, this very day some 11 years ago we gave him a present he really needed.… Her name was Paula… and she had bright red hair and after pumping her…… with air …had two luxury holes……
A few days later Mike thanked us. Apparently he'd REALLY loved our gift.

Michael left school later that year… much to the disappointment of his headmaster.. with a slack hand full of GCSE's and A levels and went onto worser things at Kingston University …to study Astrophysics. After only a few months he showed his true academic colours….probably slate grey or black.
Unfortunately Mike just couldn't find time to attend classes in his hectic schedule of booze, fags and sleep.
So Mike quickly changed his course for one which provided him with all the free time he desperately craved. Computer studies.
Mike prospered .… Living out of 2 plastic bags festering at various addresses's completing his virtual studies.
Saving money buy not buying soap or cutting his hair.

As with all Students we were looking forward to summer break and getting back together.
A couple us did a trip out to Sheffield for the night.… I took a photograph to commemorate it.
I gave Mike a copy and he laughed, he remarked how it looked like an Album cover.
A couple of days later Mike appears with a band poster he'd made using the photo.
Look “TOO LATE PROMOTIONS PRESENT —THE STRANGE” – cool…
And since non-of us could play an instrument, dance or sing and we never really intended touring. It had “Not playing at” for all our non-tour dates.

We printed off hundreds of these posters and spent a day fly-posting the entire town, lampposts, walls and of course the pubs- we happened to walk by. All not playing at various dates.

We fell about laughing when we overheard some muso's talking about the “THE STRANGE” in their pub .One guy professing that he'd heard them play and we were really good.
Anyways all died down..but

A couple of weeks later we went to a local for a few bevies, the landlord was very annoyed.
Quite a crowd had gathered there that night to see some band, which strangely hadn't turned up!

The Stag day, I think most people will agree was extremely enjoyable.

In the afternoon we enjoyed paintball games.
Sarah's dad getting shot so many times in the back. We can only surmise he wasn't running forward.
The last game was a particular favourite of mine – Hunt the stag. The Marshal told Mike he had 30 seconds to run. Michael sped away at full shuffle distancing himself a good few feet before we stalked him and affectionately splated him with paintballs.
The Chinese meal was absolutely superb and thanks go to Mike's dad for graciously collecting the tab.

On the serious note I think Michael is very lucky to get a warm, charming good-looking girl like Sarah.
Why she said yes to him I'll never know.
Sarah by the way…purely coincedental..Micheal Patrick Barron is an anagram for “ Prick on charitable arm.”

It's been said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership. I hope you realise that anybody that believes that knows very little about women or fractions. Good luck!
Mike you have been a great friend over the years and we have shared some excellent times and experiences and I know we will continue to do so in the future. I'd just like to say It's has been a pleasure and an honour for you to have me as your bestman.

If you remain seated but raise your glasses I'd like to make a few toasts.
First to the bridesmaids for….ummm…well….looking so very lovely.
To the Brides parents Mary and Charley, obviously without them non of this would be possible.

Now finally.
Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to invite you to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to Sarah and Mike, the new Mr and Mrs Barron.
We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long, happy and fruitful marriage.
I give you a final toast to “The Bride and Groom”